(The) Holy Housewife!

PJ Party!

2012-01-22T11:12:00.000-08:00

I decided today that if the girls and I can't make it out of our PJs until noon, at least we should have some rockin' PJs to hang out in. I started by making some for the girls but we adults might be next!

Sofia's panda pjs with polka ruffles

Leila's "Kee-cat" pj pants

It's not going to be a sew-for-me kind of week so I better get on it if I want anything else to come out of the productivity I have going on.... motivation seems so scarce sometimes!

Conversations with small people

2012-01-21T19:01:00.000-08:00

Everyday I have interesting conversations with my children- ages 10, 3 1/2 and 1 1/2. The fun never ends, seriously. The other day I actually listened to myself and cracked up over what I was saying. The following is an actual account of conversations that took place with my littles... enjoy!

With Luke (10)....

Luke (in the other room dancing in front of the TV): Hmmmm this show is so interesting
Sofia: BROTHER, MOVE! (crying now)
Me (from the kitchen): Luke, are you being a butt?
Luke: (no answer)
Me: Don't be a butt. Ask yourself "Am I being a butt?" and if the answer is yes, STOP. Love your sister.

With Leila (1 1/2)....

Leila (comes up, takes binky out to speak): Ees yuckeee. dada. ana poop.
Me: Huh? Daddy's going poop and it's yucky?
Leila: Uh... yea! (walks away)

With Sofia (3 1/2)....

Sofia (in the car, toy frying pan in hand): Mom, if I ever see a monster in my room, I'm gonna wack him in the head with my frying pan and put him in my closet like Punzel (Rapunzel)!
Me: Well, honey, that's a good idea but I don't think monsters exist.
Sofia: They do! I saw one in my closet!
Me: Sometimes we see shadows on our walls that might look like monsters but they are just light and shadows. That's all.
Sofia: Oh...... (thinking about that one)

Bonus: With my husband (39)....
Me: Yikes, look at me, I totally left the house without wearing any make-up.
Jamie: It's ok, I did too.

I wish I would write more down... I will try to do that more from now on. And share it with you all, of course!

The problem with toys

2012-01-13T19:44:00.000-08:00

Toys! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

I love having small kids.

Don't get me wrong, some days are pretty hellacious (is that a word or one of those words your family uses for so many generations that you think it's a word but really isn't? anyway...). For the most part it is fun and everyday brings something new. New words, new expressions, new ways to play. Unfortunately for parents, having small kids also means having things to play with- toys. I DO NOT love toys.

Of course this Christmas we added to the madness, as if we already weren't struggling to walk through our house without tripping over something. I didn't want to go overboard but I got to tell you, I was pumped to get some new things to play with. As a stay at home mom, I am the primary play partner and things meant for kids three and under get old fast. Christmas and birthdays are about the only times we really shop for our kids so... things can easily get out of hand. And of course they did.

So after Christmas I freaked out and tried to purge some toys. Broken toys. Toys with missing pieces. Those stupid toys you get out of Happy Meals. At the end of it, I didn't end up with a lot to get rid of but I did find the pieces to most everything else. This was a victory. The side of me that decorated school planners weeks ahead and never missed an assignment or appointment jumps for joy when all the toys are put away and organized. But, as you know, that only lasts for about five minutes. After all, if you are going to have toys, you should probably let your kiddos play with them- hello!

If you are feeling me on toy insanity and you wish to regain your life (and living room), here are some ideas that may help you to do just that:

Go through and throw out all broken toys, toys with missing arms/legs, dirty/stained baby dolls and stuffed animals, etc.
Now, go through and pick out things to donate. Old toys, played out toys, toys that are no longer developmentally appropriate, etc. Donating toys that are still in good shape is an excellent lesson for your child in sharing resources and loving on others.
Lastly, put away toys that you wish to keep (maybe for future children) but that your kid is done with. Yea, maybe your two year old still picks up the baby toy links and rattle every once in a while but it's not enough to keep from finding it under the couch every other day or in the bottom of the toy box. Redirect your child to more age-appropriate toys and form new interests.

What you will have left are the things that your kid still loves, new stuff and all the missing pieces to a bunch of different things. Put those missing pieces back where they go. Check. You are doing well. Here is what I am doing with what we have left:

There are several kinds of toys and the type determines where it goes.

If it is a toy that I trust my little ones getting into on their own, I put it down on a shelf so they can reach it and do self-play. For example, I have an old suitcase on the floor in my girls' room with dress-up clothes in it. Right next to that are wooden block trays. On the shelves in their rooms is a toy computer, a shape sorter, some chunky puzzles and some containers with little figurines.
If it's something that they will need help with or someone to play with them, I put it up and so they have to ask my to get it down or I can encourage them to play with it, with me. This includes games and toys with small pieces that maybe are appropriate for my 3 1/2 year old but not my 1 1/2 year old.
If it is more of a focused learning activity, it goes in the white plastic container. I've got lacing cards, matching games, a doctor kit, Bananagrams, alphabet stacking cubes, etc. in there. This is a new concept for us but I feel it's very Montessori-esque. I bought a cheap-o rug that stays rolled up on top and when my daughter wants to play with something in the white container, she is to get the rug down, roll it out, get out what she wants to play with on the rug, play, then put that toy/game/activity away before getting out something else. Some moms I know would think this is ridiculous but it is totally working! Sofia almost loves the routine of getting out the rug, choosing an activity, etc. The other thing is, that this new system is encouraging me as a mother to spend good, quality, intentional time with my kids. Just the other day I found the game "Pretty Pretty Princess" at the Goodwill for $.50 and we have played it everyday since, at least twice a day. On the rug. Love it.

Some things I have realized about toys are that my kids are probably always going to have some, kids will carry toys all around the house and hoard them in mini shopping carts and strollers, no one wants to play with something that has missing pieces or that's broken, some toys are meant to be thrown in a bin and others are meant to played with more direction. Just like behavioral discipline is good and healthy for a growing child, I am learning that discipline with toys is healthy too. Yes, you have to take care of your things. Yes, you have to share with people who have little when you are in abundance. And if you live in my house, yes, you have to roll out a rug if you want to play with certain toys.

My final thoughts on toys are these. Go for good wooden toys that last. Stay away from battery operated toys (I'm not going to lie, though, that I don't know where Leila would be without her glow worm). Find good quality, second hand toys and games to pacify your child's need for something new. Consider a toy swap with friends or other moms. Love on your babies and spend time with them- that's better than any gift or toy there is.

In my spare time.....

2012-01-06T21:50:00.000-08:00

The idea of spare time is so funny. For instance, the time I am using to write this post I would not classify as "spare" time, but more like "sleeping" time- time when I should be getting my beauty rest :)

Nonetheless, I do find other times here and there to do a little work. Here are a couple of things I have been working on (around Christmas time).........

A placenta model for a childbirth ed class (fetal side)

Same placenta model (maternal side)

Breastfeeding models with retractable nipple (oh yeah)

It might be a while before I make anymore models like these- surprisingly a lot of work! Exciting nonetheless! I will check in when sewing meets my sleeping time- I mean- spare time again!

Meee-ilk! Peas!

2012-01-06T21:40:00.000-08:00

Yes, my daughter is going on 18 months and we are still nursing. That's her asking for the milk- "Mee-ilk peas" as she signs for "please." It's so cute, even if I wanted to turn her down, I couldn't. Long term nursing, and breastfeeding in general, is a somewhat controversial topic. I've been nursing for 3 out of the last 3 1/2 years, nursing my first daughter until 19 months and this daughter until... I don't know when. It's not as bad as it seems and not as weird either. Here's a little perspective.

I love the above pic. I have been thinking about a post for a long time called "nursing sutra." I think I just made up my own term! Basically it's when your beautiful little baby grows up but is still nursing and tries to do all kinds of crazy acrobatics while attached to the milk source, i.e. the nipple. In this pic, Leila is literally folded in half, feet on my tummy, drinking milk. She starts out in some sort of cradle hold and ends up like this or something worse about 30 seconds later. Awesome, especially if you are me. Abuse! It all started around 10 months with both my daughters. I have had headstands, one leg up in the air, upside down and even a couple flips off of the nursing chair (as seen in pic). But it's all worth it and for a total of about 5 minutes a day now, I think I can handle it.

Here is another one:

She is totally standing up on my stomach and bent over to drink milk. Can I catch a break?

So here are some great things about long term nursing........

Continued bonding time even as child grows
No pressure about weaning for mom or child
The amount of time nursing gets drastically shorter as the child begins eating more and more table foods
Great part of the bedtime routine

My favorite of these is relief of pressure about weaning. I feel like that is something that nursing moms fear many times- I know I had a moment where I felt really confused about how it would all shake out. With my first daughter, Sofia, I became pregnant when she was 15 months old. I didn't notice a drastic decline in her interest just because I was pregnant, we were already headed in that direction before that. We nursed less and less. If she asked for it, I said ok. If she did not ask for it, I didn't offer either. It was very peaceful for both of us and I was happy with how it gradually ended. I don't know how things will go with Leila, as she is a bit more of a momma's girl than Sofia ever was. She definitely loves her mee-ilk and still asks for it 2-3 times a day. As she may be my last child, I don't mind. The bonding I have experienced with both my girls through breastfeeding is priceless and I would do it over in a second.

If you are with child or hope to be, please consider breastfeeding your child.

If you are already breastfeeding- awesome! Don't freak out about long-term nursing just do what feels right and don't worry about what others may think. Wean only when ready.

Glad I could share a little piece of my "nursing sutra" with you. Please tell me that I am not the only one with a child who does this?

New Year, New Beginnings

2012-01-02T15:46:00.000-08:00

I love that it's a new year.

If you have had the undeniably amazing opportunity to follow any of this blogventure (blog+adventure... I tried) you know that last year was something else for me. It was filled with grief, hurt, unbearable sadness, emptiness, anxiety, depression and all those other great life things. It's no wonder why I was looking forward to a new beginning.

Some argue that there is no difference between December 31st at 11:59pm and January 1st at 12am. For me, there is a clear break. In my mind I get a new chance, a fresh start- and who can't use one of those?

For this year, I am devoted to being better. A better wife and mother. A better friend. A better worker. That also means that I am devoted to intentional time with my kids and taking more dates with my darling husband. I get to be slow to anger and quick (er) to forgive. I am vowing to not procrastinate when someone asks me to hem a pair of pants. I am saying yes to more messages of encouragement to people who encourage me. It's a package. It's not just about me saying I am going to eat healthier, it's about the bigger picture of being able to see my children walk down the aisle one day or bounce my grandchild on my knee.

It's time to live for the bigger picture. I think I am ready.

A blessed New Year to you and yours!

Soup!

2011-12-06T20:19:00.000-08:00

So I hope I am not the only one who struggles to put food on the table sometimes. It's not necessarily that I don't have what I need (although that does happen). It's more about planning ahead and making something that everyone will want.

Right now I am working with my husband, a newly vegetarian, my stepson who is pretty good but if it looks funny- no way, my daughter Sofia (3) who eats so little sometimes I wonder how she keeps on living and Leila (16 months) who eats everything and twice as much as Sofia. I'm pretty easy going too but.... little to no dairy. That leaves me frustrated and wanting to head to the closest drive-thru.

As it turns out, with the changing seasons and changes in seasonal foods, I have latched on to soup as my go to and I found the perfect book! From the library of course (love it!). The book is called SOUP and it is just a compilation of a bunch of super yummy, super easy, soup recipes. I don't think I have ever cooked so many recipes out of one book in my whole life. Pumpkin soup, chunky turkey soup, lentil soup, even Mulligatawny is honor of the Soup Nazi himself. I think I added too much ginger though. Time for some tweaking. Anyway.

The thing about soup is that most times it is easy and can be quick- but you have to have the right things laying around. I suggest you always pick these things up at the store and have them on hand:

butter

onions

vegetable or chicken stock

parsley

potatoes

carrots

celery

For some reason it seems like most recipes call for some combination of the above and having those things around can be a life saver. Especially after a long day.

I definitely recommend the book- just buy it, you won't be disappointed but until then here is one of my favorites:

Allotment soup

You need:

2 tbsp olive oil

1 medium leek, finely sliced

2 medium carrots, diced

1 large zucchini, diced

1 celery rib, diced

1 large potato, diced

2 tomatoes peeled and diced

2 garlic cloves, finely chopped

2 quarts cold water

sea salt and ground pepper

6 oz frozen green beans

How to:

Heat oil in a large pot. Add leek, carrots, zucchini, celery, potato, tomato and garlic and cook, stirring regularly for 10-15 minutes until soft but not brown. Add water and season with salt and pepper. Bring to a boil, cover and simmer for 45 minutes or until everything is tender. Add frozen green beans and heat until tender. Serve with some yummy crusty bread.

Yum-o! Enjoy!

Mothering the Mother

2011-11-15T08:51:00.000-08:00

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God which transcends all understanding will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus."

-Philippians 4: 6-7

In August of this year I took training to become a birth doula. I think I blogged a bit about this after it happened. The "thing" about having a doula at birth is mothering the mother. Not mother in the literal sense because that can turn people off as some people do not have good relationships with their own mothers. It's more about caring for the mother as needed when she is working hard trying to birth a baby. They don't call it "labor" for nothing.

Consequently, my training has been more aid to me in the recent time of trials I have encountered. How interesting it is that it would work out that way. I think it started a bit over the summer with a little anxiety here and there. As we change seasons my anxiety has snowballed into a huge monster of fear, panic, depression, stress, worry and sometimes physical illness. Often times I feel terribly nauseated. I can type right now knowing that what I am feeling is irrational and ridiculous but none the less my feelings remain. As I fight to stay healthy both mentally and physically I still have to do the daily stuff and take care of my children who depend on me for.... everything.

My children need me but.... it's kind of like when people say "if you are on an airplane and the air masks drop down, put yours on first, then put your child's on." I know that I need to do what I need to do to be healthy for me and everyone. When I feel anxiety, I deep breathe slow and steady as I would have a mother to do in labor. I search for tensed areas (usually my stomach) and consciously relax them. I use heat and cool as necessary. I suck on mints to relieve nausea. I drink hot tea. It is amazing the overlap in comfort measures in what I am experiencing and what I would do for a mother as she labors!

For months it was hard to talk to people about what I have going on because I didn't want people to think I was crazy or to monopolize the conversation with my problems. Now I know that talking about it only helps and grounds me to sanity. It's so hard to explain how I feel in those moments of panic- it's like mental torture. I would hope it's hard for most people to understand.

After experiencing a traumatic move across country at the age of 13 I experienced basically the same type of ailment. Luckily I had my sister on my side. I know she prayed for me in that time and was sensitive to my problem. Ultimately I was healed. I look forward to healing once again.

I look to God for my comfort. I try to explain it to other people and even my husband but many times I get blank stares. God knows all and is in all. His grace is enough and I know I am going to pull out of this and be totally free of it once more.

Rough waters behind?

2011-11-11T05:06:00.000-08:00

When I originally started this blog back in February, I talked a lot about my grief from my mother's passing last December. I don't know if I was prepared to enter into that time this year, that she was sick last year. It's been a very rough season in that respect and I had to take a break. Hopefully I am ready to continue on now and let go of some of this so I can feel normal again- whatever that is. I have always hoped that the things I write will help someone or make someone say "yes! I am not alone, at least one other person in the world feels the same way I do."

So, with this, I resurrect my blog from 2 months of inactivity. Distracting my mind from other junk. Sharing my secrets (ha) of motherhood and wifedom (yes, I said wifedom), coming clean about my imperfections and very importantly, chatting about my faith. I really don't know where I would be without it.

How to include your younglings in almost anything

2011-09-05T15:47:00.000-07:00

One of the hardest balancing acts in parenthood is the daily choice between doing what needs to be done (housework, cooking, cleaning, etc.) and what you would like to do (play with your kids, read, nap, etc.). Here are some ideas on what I do to strike that balance- I would love to hear your comments about what you do/have done in order to be supermom...

*note: these things are probably going to slow you up a bit but at the end of the day it might be worth it!

Have to do the dishes: allow your children to stand on a chair next to you and "help" by playing in the bubbles or even rinsing the dishes

Have to clean your room: allow the kids to jump on the bed while you clean up around them. Play intermittent peek-a-boo by hiding next to the bed and popping up to get them

Have to clean their room: turn some music on while you are cleaning and encourage the kids to dance and sing. Give the children something easy to pick up. Sometimes I have my daughter clean-up the puzzles by asking her to put them back together again.

Have to clean the bathroom: Put the kids in the bath and let them play while you clean-up. I would not recommend this if you use harsh cleaners as they will be inhaled by everyone in the bathroom.

Have to get ready: Let kids brush their teeth with you or chew on an extra toothbrush if they are still too young to really brush their teeth. Give your kids a hair brush to brush their hair when you do yours and maybe a blush brush for when you do your make-up.

Have to cook dinner: Get that chair or chairs out again and let the kids help measure and place ingredients. You can allow kids who are old enough to use a plastic knife to cut soft foods for dinner. If this makes you nervous, you can have the kids pretend to make food with a pretend kitchen or pretend food. You can also have the kids play with play-doh at the kitchen table while dinner is being prepared.

Have to do laundry: Show your kids how to help you sort and even place clothes in the washer or dryer. My daughter Sofia (3) can even fold towels and wash rags after I showed her a couple of times!

Have to run errands: Allow your kids to pack a special snack to eat at a specific time in between errands. Plan errands around naps and meal times. Maybe you can include an errand to the park when everything else is all done!

These are just a few things I try to do so I can use the most of my time. Of course I make time for reading and playing only- not while trying to do other things. I also try to make time for me while the kids are having naps or watching a little PBS. I love PBS.

I hope your child labor red flag isn't going off after reading my suggestions. I feel like being able to help gives my girls a sense of accomplishment and helps us to grow our mother/daughter bond by doing things together, even if it is housework. Housework has to be done and kids have to be played with, nurtured..... and taught the harsh realities of daily life one day at a time.

Doula myths debunked

2011-09-01T21:16:00.000-07:00

If you are not familiar with the term "doula," as in birth doula, it is a woman who provides constant emotional and physical support to the mother during labor and birth and in the immediate postpartum time. Or, that's the bare bones of it.

In keeping with my new found birth junkie side, I wanted to address something that I saw on a message board about doulas. In an open discussion about how to talk to a woman looking into doula care for her birth, someone stated that there are three common objections to or myths about doula services:

1. A doula takes the place of a husband/partner
2. A doula only takes clients who wish to have an unmedicated birth
3. A doula has her own agenda for birth

So true I thought... and if I want people I know to give the idea of having a doula at their birth a chance- I best get my story straight. Here's the story....

1. Myth: A doula takes the place of the husband or partner.

Debunked: No way! A birth doula can serve a mother who has a husband/partner, other support people with her or is single. A laboring woman needs all the attention of support people outside of nurses, doctors and midwives (who have their own responsibilities). Many times it does take four (or more) hands to help the mother as she needs it during contractions for pain relief. The doula is more of a conduit between the laboring woman and partner, teaching the partner how to best serve mom as her needs change throughout labor. The mother also needs someone she can rely on for information as needed. She should not have to rely on only herself as her "normal self" may have been taken over by her "labor self" a while ago. Dad is not best for this role either (as anyone with a husband can imagine). The doula, knowledgeable in hospital procedures and protocols, comfort measures, positioning, and breastfeeding in the postpartum time is perfect for information transfer, helping mom and her partner work together to birth their baby.

The best things about the doula/husband or partner combo:
-Dad experiences less pressure because mom's needs are met and he is not the go-to for everything
-Dad has his needs met too
-If dad needs to leave the room to handle childcare for other children or get something to eat, mom is safe and sound and supported best of all
-Dad and mom can share beautiful moments as the doula holds a safe space for them
-Dad can be in the postpartum pictures instead of taking all of them

2. Myth: A doula only takes clients who wish to have an unmedicated birth

Debunked: Not true! Having a doula is a wonderful addition to any birth "team." Doulas certainly accompany mothers who have unmedicated births but also women who plan to have an epidural or
a baby via c-section. The support given by the doula changes based on each birth but the idea is the same: to help the mother to have the birth experience she desires (as much as possible).

In an unmedicated birth, the two main components to support are emotional and physical support. More effort is needed for comfort measures during contractions and on into birth (as compared with a medicated birth).

In a medicated birth where a mother receives an epidural, support is more emotional. The pain of labor may be gone but that doesn't necessarily mean every worry or anxiety is gone too. Women may need support for any unexpected side effects as well.

In a c-section, the doula takes on even another role for the mother. The support varies based on if the c-section is a non-emergency, an emergency or scheduled ahead of time. A doula still provides support before and after surgery and in some cases can even join mom in the operating room. Being with mom in the operating room and being able to process the event as it takes place one-on-one can make all the difference to the mother.

Everyone who is having a baby benefits by having a doula as part of their birth team!

3. Myth: A doula has her own agenda for birth

Debunked: If a doula does, she shouldn't. It is true that most doulas believe in the normalcy of birth and that the human body was designed in specific ways to have a baby safely and with little to no interventions. However, a doula is trained to respect that everyone has different life experiences that contribute to their feelings about childbirth. A doula's role is not to impose her opinions on her clients but to help the mother to discover her own desires for birth and put them into action. Doulas do not try to save the world from medications and surgery during childbirth but rather, they try to help the mother have the best birth experience possible, according to the mother.

I hope this helped to crush some myths about doula care.

And now, the Labor Playlist

2011-08-31T18:41:00.000-07:00

Why has it been forever since my last post? Come on, me, work it out!

Over last weekend I took a birth doula training/workshop as part of my certification to become, well, a birth doula. So basically for three whole days I ate, slept, breathed, and you know what else- birth. I thought it was awesome!

In recalling the birth of my darling Leila in July of 2010, I remembered that the best part of it was my labor playlist- listening to my favorite music while laboring. Here it is, feel free to steal part or all of my playlist for your birthing enjoyment!

The Labor Playlist:

(in this order)

1. Help by The Beatles
2. Painbirds by Sparklehorse
3. Under Pressure by Queen/Bowie
4. Stronger by Kanye West

5. Float On by Modest Mouse
6. Push-It by Salt-N-Pepa
7. Ice Ice Baby by Vanilla Ice
8. Alive by Pearl Jam
9. Made to Love by Toby Mac
10. Sweet Child O' Mine by Guns N Roses

11.(You Make Me Feel Like) A Natural Woman by Aretha Franklin
12. Ain't No Mountain High Enough by Marvin Gaye and Tammi Terrell
13. My Girl by The Temptations
14. Layla by Derek & The Dominos (Eric Clapton)
15. O Praise Him (All This for a King) by David Crowder Band

Bonus track: In the Backseat by Arcade Fire. Chick was singing her heart out as I was working through contractions and it rocked.

My doula remembers me saying, while the song Layla was playing, "aren't I supposed to be having my baby now?"

What a funny girl I am!

I am complete: the Indie Dance playlist

2011-08-11T19:19:00.000-07:00

I love music. Here is my music history in a nutshell:

I grew up listening to the "oldies" with my mom. It festered an amazing love for the Beatles and a lot of disco era music. In middle school I got sucked into pop music pretty heavily. Matchbox 20, Ben Fold Five, Will Smith, and my favorite: 'N Sync. Oh, JT, how I STILL love thee...

In high school I loved some Hip Hop and R&B. Busta Rhymes, Usher, and a ton of others. I also had an All American Rejects moment and a long moment where I was into techno and trance type music. Have I mentioned I love to dance? Um, yea.

My greatest love in terms of music was yet to come- Indie music. My husband is very into music and writes and plays music himself. It took me a lot of "what the bleep is this stuff" to warm up to some of the artists I had never heard of before like The Flaming Lips, Clap Your Hands Say Yeah and Sparklehorse. But now, I don't know where I would be without them. My favorite of all is Arcade Fire and so I guess you could say that my new playlist is heavy on them.

The Indie Dance Playlist
1. Howlin' for You by The Black Keys
2. Ready to Start by Arcade Fire
3. Electric Feel by MGMT
4. The Skin of My Yellow Country Teeth by Clap Your Hands Say Yeah
5. Got Some by Pearl Jam
6. Kids by MGMT
7. Month of May by Arcade Fire
8. Rebellion (Lies) by Arcade Fire
9. Keep the Car Running by Arcade Fire

So, this is what gets me pumped. What's on your list?

Dear Library: I love you!

2011-08-09T19:10:00.000-07:00

It's official- I love the library and were I not already married, I would consider marrying it.

There are a couple things I love more than everything else and those are books, paper and writing utensils. Oh, and fabric. Big trouble. Big, big trouble. I was just telling my hubbs the other night that if I had nothing else but people in my life and books, I would be all good. Ok, and food. And maybe clothes but I think you know what I am getting at.

On my last trip to the library I totally hooked up. I got all the books I don't already have on my doula reading list. I got a couple of sewing books, a couple of cook books and a couple of books on parenting stuff. Lastly, I picked up a Kits for Kids bag all about animals. Love it!

Here are some ways to get the most out of your library:

*Get entertainment for the kids at the library- books, movies, games, whatever.

*Attend free programs and seminars at the library. Our library has movie nights, plays, concerts, a Lego club, and a ton of other programs that are free.

*A good way to boost your music library. The library has to know that when CDs are borrowed from the library they end up on someone's IPod for free. Just saying.

*Create a project file. I borrow books on crafting or sewing and instead of keeping them for an eternity I make copies of projects I want to try to do (for my personal use, not to share or distribute) and keep them until I have time to work on them.

*Take advantage of multi-media resources for children. We love to get the kits for kids (packs of books and other materials all about a certain subject area) and check out CDs.

For me, the library is one of my favorite places. If it wasn't for my kids, I could totally just get lost in there for a few days. I love the big windows, playing hide and seek with my girls running between rows and rows of books, and the fact that the library knows more than I ever will about.... everything.

Leila hit the BIG # 1

2011-07-28T21:13:00.000-07:00

Leila's "healthy" carrot cupcake

My darling Leila hit numero uno about two weeks ago now. I can't believe it! For her birthday we celebrated her and Sofia whose birthday was in June. It was pretty low key and fun- mostly family. It was a book themed gathering and the invites looked like library cards and had a picture of the girls on the pocket. Another great idea from Disney Family Fun. We collected books for a local charity who delivers books to kids in hospitals instead of gifts. It worked out :) Here are some more pics:

Dad helping Leila with her hammering toy

Sofia and her birthday crown

The girls opening some things from mom and dad

Play tunnel!

I am so glad that we could celebrate our girls. The ice cream sundaes were good. The day was sunny. Who could ask for more?

A bad case of the yuckies

2011-07-28T21:00:00.000-07:00

I feel like crap.

And because this is my blog and you have elected to read it (sorry and thank you), here is a list of what I feel like crap about:

1. My mom. I miss her so much. I ask myself all the time when things will be better and seem ok again. The thing is, some days I feel ok that she is gone and other days feel like she died yesterday. Today is one of those days. I need her today, because I feel like I don't have anyone else.

2. The ex-files. Enough said.

3. Toddler teething. I truly feel like Leila wants to crawl back up where she came from and live there. Thankfully now she can say "momma" so I definitely know it is me she wants and not someone else. Yay!

4. Bad girl Sofia. She has been getting into everything and doing things that she knows are bad. It's as if she is not in control of her own body. This is a new phase for us, and I don't like it.

5. "Why, mom?" "Why?" "WHY?" WHY? WHYWHYWHY aaahhhhhhhhhhhh!

6. Probably PMS too. Who knows?

7. Comparing myself to others

8. The beginning of the end of summer

9. Coming off of 3 days by myself with the kids

10. Having to ask my children 152 times to do anything and have them ignore me like I never said anything

11. Humidity that makes it hard to breathe

12. Toxic relationships

13. The perpetually untidy house. Scratch that, a house that the only way it would truly be clean would be for it to be bulldozed and built new on top. Nevertheless, I remain thankful (sometimes through gritted teeth).

14. Not being on the same page with the love of my life

15. Getting up 4 times a night and hearing about all these other moms who have children who have been sleeping through the night since...FOREVER.

I think that might be it. Number one is just amplified by all the other little ones. It was always her and me. And now it's just me. And some days I don't want to put on my big girl panties. I want to crawl in a hole and cry. That was today- minus that hole.

Looking forward to a new beginning tomorrow. Sorry for the sad, drab post :(

Guilty pleasures

2011-07-25T20:55:00.000-07:00

I have never really compiled a list of these things before but I thought it might be fun to name a few and highlight my imperfections a bit more. Yay- just what I need!

1. Soda pop. I frickin' love a soda on occasion. When I can get past the feeling that I am adding to my cancer risk by drinking it and just enjoy myself, it is awesome! Fountain soda, foam cup, plastic cup, can, bottle. In that order and always with ice. So weird.

2. Hip-hop music. I really still just want to be a back-up dancer in a hip-hop video, just once. I love to dance and if I am aiming to get pumped for something (sometimes even church on sunday- eeeek!) I might listen to a bit. Pitbull, Black Eyed Peas, Outkast, Kanye West, Missy Elliot. In that order. There are others.

3. Junk food in general. Or more specifically, McDonald's fries, chocolate anything, Redvine licorice, iced coffee, and when I really don't care if I die tomorrow, something called a "pizza puff" from the local fast greek food place. I do pretty well. I haven't had a pizza puff in years, the iced coffee has a pound of sugar and makes me feel jittery, the Redvine licorice and it's Red 40 dye freaks me out a bit, and the fries and their harmful used and reused oils give me the heebies. But every now and then.

4. Transformers and Disney movies. I love them. When my daughter watches Cinderella or Beauty and the Beast, she asks me to be quiet because I am singing too loud. Just in case you are wondering: Beauty and the Beast, Finding Nemo, Toy Story(s), Aladdin, and Cinderella. Tonight we watched Revenge of the Fallen (Transformers 2) and decided that I can't get over cars and change into super-fantastic alien robots and fight each other. Here we go: Optimus Prime, Bumble Bee, Jetfire, Devastator.

5. Writing poetry. I love doing it but I have little time to get into poetry mode. It's usually pretty raw and untamed. Might rhyme, might not. Definitely uses appropriate language for whatever I am trying to convey- good or bad. No list of favorite poets here- sorry!

More on my inner workings another time!

Peanuts and other fun kids stuff

2011-07-25T20:24:00.000-07:00

I have been thinking lately that it is time to start really talking to my 3 year old, Sofia, about some birds and bees stuff. So... I started the other day with a book I got from the library. It is called "God made your body" by Jim Burns. It is super light and perfect for the 3-5 age group but definitely uses accurate terminology for body parts.

We read through the whole book and then we have the following conversation:

Me: Remember that girls have a special body part called a vagina so that one day they can grow up and be mommies and boys have a special body part called a penis so that they can grow up and become daddies.

Sofia: ...an I have a agina?

Me: Yes and so do I. What special part does daddy have?

Sofia: A peanit.

Me: And Leila? What does she have?

Sofia: A agina!

(pause where I am excited that Sofia and I seem to be on the same page with our first birds and bees chat...)

Sofia (very excited, now): So one day I grow up and Up and UP, and I have a peanut in my butt?!

Me: (a huge laugh like one of those you try to hide and not laugh but it comes out anyway and big!) I'm sorry honey, what you said made me laugh a little. You are such a silly girl!

I think it went pretty well outside of the peanut in the butt thing :)

P.s. Sofia thinks your "butt" is everything down there so that will be our next hurdle. One day at a time...

The new me

2011-07-24T11:27:00.000-07:00

I am ready for something new. Do you ever feel like that?

I had a really yucky week about a week or two ago. I just felt like I had the need-a-change heebies. I have recently had some changes take place within relationships, my place of worship, and the flow of my household. Finding a new normal is so stressful and gives me the feeling like I want to uproot and start all over again. It's hard to explain. I hope I am making a piece of sense.

The yucky feeling I had has turned into a positive feeling about making some positive changes for my life and my family's lives. Game on.

At the end of next month I have this wonderful opportunity to take training to become a certified Birth Doula. A Birth Doula is a trained labor support person and fulfills a variety of roles and makes birth the best experience that it can be. This is something that has been on my heart since I became pregnant with Leila and has kept with me. I am reading Ina May's Guide to Childbirth and I love it. This is definitely a new, uncharted path for me. It's a way that I can work with other moms and babies and support my family too. Can't wait!

It's totally heinous but my husband starts school in 3 weeks. Yuck. I feel like I just got used to him being here with me and the kids everyday and now- another transition! I am not complaining. I realize how lucky I am to have a husband with summers off. It is beautiful. Everyone thinks that teaching is the best job in the world with the whole summers-off thing. Let me tell you, it makes up for the fact that my husband wakes up at 4:30am everyday to grade so that he can spend time with the kids in the evening before totally crashing out. And the anxiety. And the sleeplessness. And the fact that my husband doesn't laugh almost at all during the school year. The pay isn't glamourous either but we are thankful for it. Anyway, his impending return make me feel inspired to embrace the change than resist. Here are some things on my school time/fall to do list:

1. Get the holistic/homeopathic medicine cabinet ready
2. Touch of the paint on the house
3. Organize our calendar for the next several months
4. Plan date nights/times
5. Put up a display wire for the kids project and art from home and school
6. Plan Thanksgiving and Christmas

You probably think I am nutz-o for thinking of medicine cabinets and winter holidays but no way. Have I mentioned that I am "seasonally affected" (hahah S.A.D. jokes here) and that I spent all last fall (from Sept 13 or Dec 15) with my mom who was dying of cancer?

My fall/winter anxiety is welling and I am trying to be cool about everything. I think I would be an awesome psychological experiment for someone....

Update on all this soon!

My God, my Provider

2011-07-21T10:15:00.000-07:00

I know I have written before about the bible verse that talks about God's provision for His people.

It comes from Matthew 6: 30-33 and says:

"And if God cares so wonderfully for the wildflowers that are here today and thrown into the fire tomorrow, he will certainly care for you. Why do you have so little faith? So don't worry about these things, saying 'What will we eat?' 'What will we drink?' 'What will we wear?' These things dominate the thoughts of unbelievers, but your heavenly father already knows all your needs. Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and he will give you everything you need.

With this verse in mind I want to tell you a story.

Last school year was a little rough for my husband who is a teacher. He received notice that their corporation would be experiencing a pay cut for at least the next two years. This, I know, was devastating to him. He has come from very little and has really worked his way up to where he is at today. While our current situation overall is much better than the example that he and I grew up with, we are far from "rolling in dough." It's more like "makin' it." I was concerned but knew that it would all work out. I had this feeling that we were going to make it somehow.

A couple of weeks ago we were talking about the upcoming school year and the amount we would be be losing per month. If we thought things were tight before.....

Two weeks ago we got a knock at the door. It was a solicitor for our current Internet company. Usually this would be totally annoying and surely they would come at the least opportune moment like while I have my breast hanging out, nursing Leila or when both the girls just laid down for a nap but weren't quite asleep when the door bell rang SEVERAL times. This guy, though, had good news. Due to some new competition in the area he wanted to reduce out monthly payment by $15 and upgrade our Internet to a faster speed for free. We looked for the catch- none! AND a new router showed up at our door a couple of days later- no charge. WOW!

But here is the kicker. We recently had to update our tax information to our student loan place so that they could assess our payment amount. After the assessment they sent us our new bill- cut nearly in half!!! This could not possibly be right. Jamie called to get the the bottom of it and they said that the adjusted amount was in fact correct. I cried. Together with the Internet reduction, it was almost the exact amount we would be losing each month with the pay cut.

Listen- I am not perfect. The only thing I am perfect at is being a mess, or at least that is exactly how I feel. I get angry with my kids sometimes, I yell some times, I can have a potty mouth on occasion, I have prejudices and hurts and wants. I deserve nothing. Really.

What I do have is a heart for God. I want to love people more. I want to help others and love my family. I want to value people and relationships more. I have a desire to be better.

Just like a parent looks beyond a child's bad behavior sometimes to love them and provide for them, so our Father looks past our yuckies to what is deep in our hearts. He is everything we need and when we seek Him, He will provide for us.

God, You are way good! Amen!

Summer, COME BACK!

2011-07-13T12:01:00.000-07:00

I recently drafted this letter to Summer. Thought I might share :) LOL......

Dear Summer:

Where the *bleep* do you think you are going? Huh? Don't walk away from me while I am talking to you, mister! How dare you creep up on us at the END of May and then blaze by with no consideration for children that long to be outside and teachers who haven't stopped working before they have to begin again and wives of teachers who have barely gotten used to having their husbands home before having to say goodbye again. If you weren't trying to leave already, Target and Wal-Mart wouldn't be trying to sell everyone crayons for $.25 a box and folders for $.05. Are you going to do that one thing where you still around, like, way into October confusing everyone further because it still feels like summer but your best friends Target and Wal-Mart already have their Christmas stuff out?

Listen, Summer, I'm sorry for getting huffy. Things are just better in summer. More fun is had in summer. More laughter. People are happier with you around. None of us are short on our vitamin D right now and we like it. Look at all the kids who enjoy all you have for them. Trampolines. Pools. Sprinklers. Sleepovers. Sun-kissed skin for mom and farmer's tans for dad. Garden fresh food. Balanced mood. (Like how I rhymed there, Summer? I can't make stuff grow or anything but we are all talented in our own ways.)

Anyway, Summer. Please stay! Don't leave us! Winter around here over stays its welcome every year and I have had it! Do not let Winter win! Please!

Summer for President- 2011!

Sincerely,

Bummed for Summer to End

Summer time salad

2011-07-13T11:39:00.000-07:00

When I was growing up summer meant a lot of things.... iced sun tea, grilled foods and lemon and oil salad. I made this salad just the other day with some garden lettuce. It is way simple and a beautiful memory for me. I know, "lemon and oil? Salad? Seriously?"

Yeah, I'm serious. Here is how it goes:

You need:
The amount of everything depends on the size of the salad
Lettuce of choice (the crisper, the better), chopped
Onions, thinly sliced
Tomato, thinly sliced
Optional ingredients: cucumbers, grated carrot, radish, whatever
Juice of 1 lemon (or more for a bigger salad)
Olive oil (or other oil of choice)
SALT (very key!)

How to:
Place all ingredients except lemon, oil and salt in a bowl. Mix. Squeeze juice from lemon into the salad being careful to catch any seeds. Add what seems to be an equal amount of oil. Toss to cover. Now add the salt to taste, a little at a time. Let sit, covered, in the refrigerator for 1 hour. Toss before serving.

The salt is key. You don't want anyone having a heart attack over the sodium content but you do want enough salt for it to enhance the flavor of the lemon and oil as the dressing for this simple salad. If you taste it and think "yuck," you just need to add more salt.

Growing up, my mom always added a whole pack of chopped, dirt-cheap lunch meat. It was a summer meal for us. I always appreciated it and never realized it for what it really was- my mom just trying to provide for us. I am so happy that once I had the ignorance of a child!

Enjoy! Happy summer!

I heart breastfeeding!

2011-07-02T19:03:00.000-07:00

That is what I am talking about, kid!

Leila is 11 1/2 months now and we are still nursing. And I love it. It is in my top 5 when it comes to all things pregnancy/baby related, right up there with feeling the baby kick in the womb. Leila isn't nursing a ton, we are down to 5 times or so during the day for a couple of minutes each time and maybe once at night. My favorite time is right before bed. It seems like life never slows anymore and nursing is the perfect thing for Leila and I to go and do to settle down before bed. We nurse laying down and I rub her little leg or back and kiss her head. My body still calms as I nurse which is awesome for me- the best medicine after a sometimes stressful day. Being able to nurse a child is just beautiful and so special. It's cool to look as my girls before they had had other foods and think, my body made the milk that nourished this body. It is awesome.

Speaking of breastfeeding, I recently read an article in the New York Times that I thought to be very profound and had nothing but good stuff to say about breastfeeding. The article is called The Breast Milk Cure by Nicholas Kristof. In the article Kristof suggests that breast milk, a free substance that already exists and doesn't need refrigeration, could be the answer to worldwide hunger-related deaths in children. The article states that in Niger only 9% of babies get only breastmilk for the first 6 months as suggested by the World Heath Organization. In America it's 13%. Kristof states that misconceptions that some mothers have such as thinking that babies need water outside of their breast milk (and then giving their child water that is potentially unsafe) is part of the reason that babies all over the world are dying unnecessarily. A statistic that absolutely stunned me was that, according to a British medical journal called The Lancet, 1.4 million child deaths could be averted each year if babies were properly breastfed. That is one death every 22 seconds. Wow!

For complete text see http://www.nytimes.com/2011/06/23/opinion/23kristof.html?_r=1&scp=3&sq=breastfeeding&st=cse

Baby, you got it right- breastfeeding does ROCK!

Just in time for the 4th

2011-07-02T18:01:00.000-07:00

You know, I just don't know what I think about the July 4th.

I know I can't stand fireworks. I like them on July 4th but the month prior and the month after from 7pm to midnight while I am trying to get my little ones settled for bed- no thanks! What really gets me about fireworks is that I hear them all the time during the day. Isn't the point of fireworks to do them at night and enjoy the beautiful colors along with the horrendous bang? Just saying.

Then there are the sales. As if Macy's and Wal-Mart had a hand in writing and signing the Declaration of Independence themselves... Uh "Thomas Jefferson, John Hancock, Macy's, Wal-Mart, Target..."

And the lake. Where is my lake? Shouldn't it be law that if you have a lake place you have to invite the people you know who don't have a lake up to your lake for a lake holiday such as the fourth of July? Maybe I am just jealous...

Now let's get a bit more serious- the amount of bleeding patriots that come out of the woodwork to celebrate. "God Bless America" "I Love America" "America the Brave" I am thankful that many years ago our founders set the foundation for the country that is my home, I just don't feel like I need to exert my patriotism for a day. I don't know why God chose me to be born here in America and some other person to be born into total poverty in a third world country. It surely wasn't anything I did to earn it. If anything I feel like I should be on my knees thanking God for His mercy on me and asking Him how I can help people, whoever they be, who don't have what I have. America has a lot of problems and just because it's the fourth of July I'm not going to forget about them. God Bless America? How about God Blessed America. Let Freedom Ring? How about finding freedom from addiction, depression, obesity and greed.

What will I really do on the fourth? Probably eat some food and hang out with my family then go watch some fireworks. And think about how last year I spent the fourth with my mom too.

Intro photo/drawing borrowed from: http://www.inkymess.com/inky.php?id=100

Busy, busy!

2011-06-19T12:13:00.000-07:00

It's finally time to rest. I have been busting my tail on a beautiful dress for a beautiful bride.... and it's done! I can't show as much as I would like because I don't want the groom-to-be to have a spoiled surprise.

I have been working with my friend for a while and this project has followed me through my daughter Leila's first year (birth, colic, sleeplessness), my mother's dying and death, everyday trials, the gloomiest and rainiest spring ever, my sister's cancer diagnosis, and more. I am so glad that we have made it to the other side. :)

Coming later- pictures of her wedding hat and more pics of the dress. Stay tuned!

Good ol' gardening

2011-06-19T12:00:00.000-07:00

I wouldn't exactly say that I have a green thumb. I usually go about 90 percent of the way and then make some fatal error... like not replanting fast enough... or leaving seedlings out in a severe thunderstorm to be blown to smithereens. Whatever. Good thing I have a husband who is pretty good! Here are some things we have going right now:

Peas! Our peas are wild and super-yummy. If you have never grown peas before- do so right now! They are a cool weather crop so you can start them in spring or fall. They produce a lot and they taste better than anything you can find in the stores.

Gardening really makes me realize how small I am and how big God is. Looking at a plant like the peas, you can see how beautifully and wonderfully they were designed. They climb up the fencing, throwing out little lines to latch on to the fence and each other. Then they bloom some beautiful white flowers and out of the flowers come yummy edible goodness whose health benefits are off the charts. Amazing!

Zucchini! We have several zucchini plants going right now and if things go as last year, we will have zucchini coming out of our ears anytime. They are amazing too- they will grow full size in 1-2 days. Don't turn your back on them!

You live and you learn.... we tried to relocate this rogue squash plant that started growing in our pepper bed from composted material but within minutes it looked like this- wilty leaves and just plain sad. Kind of sucks but what do you do?

Last year we participated in a CSA or community supported agriculture program with a local organic farm. We are not going to participate this year because we have increased our garden and to be honest, it was hard to keep up before things went bad! In one of our boxes last year we got some lemon balm, which, before that, I never knew existed. I totally heart it and was just thinking about how I would like to have some for my garden but I was thinking it was too late. Well, look what I found in my pea bed! Lemon balm! The best part about it is that I recognized it myself! Note to those just starting out in the garden thing- mint, lemon balm and oregano are all in the same family. Put them somewhere where you don't mind them taking over because they will. They will also come back year after year- awesome!

Toddler-ese

2011-06-19T11:38:00.000-07:00

Sofia being totally silly, like usual

My darling daughter Sofia really had us going the other day. Luke was doing some reading, my husband Jamie was at the computer and I was sitting on the floor folding laundry when Sofia comes in and tells me she lost her "crama." Here is how it went down:

Sofia: Momma, I lost my crama.

Me: Your Grandma? Grandma Judy? Yea, honey, she is in heaven, remember?

Sofia: No, not my Grandma, my crama.

Me: Your crayon?

Luke: Sofia, what did you lose?

Sofia: My crama, I don't know where it is!

Luke: Your crayon?

Sofia: No!

Luke: (odd look to me) Your Grandma?

Sofia: No!

Me: (Luke and I ready to bust out laughing anytime) Your cranberry?

Sofia: NO! My CRAMA! Can you help me find it?

Jamie: (to Luke and I) Will you guys quit?

Me: (to Sofia) Honey, I am sorry but I don't understand you. What color is your "crama?"

Sofia: It is pink and has princesses on it.

Me: Where did you have it last?

Sofia: I don't know!

Luke: (getting a total kick out of this toddler-ese) What's it called again? (snicker) Your crayon?

Sofia: It's my CRAMA!

Eventually we just had to let it go because we really had no idea what she was talking about. A day later she comes up to me and says "I found it, momma!".....

It was her CAMERA the whole time! Ha!

Anniversary dress

2011-06-07T09:07:00.000-07:00

A little something I threw together for my anniversary...

The top is black linen-like fabric and mustard colored micro suede and the bottom is actually supposed to be made into curtains I think.... I love home dec fabrics for clothing!

Funny story: I put the dress on and walk around a bit before leaving. Jamie doesn't say anything so I am thinking that he doesn't like it. So I say "You didn't say anything about my dress." He says "oh, you made it? Where is it?" I was like, "I am wearing it!" As it turns out, he thought I bought it. I guess that it a bit of a compliment in itself :)

Lamby

2011-06-07T08:58:00.000-07:00

When my mom was sick, someone had given her a stuffed healing lamb. Mom used to sit on the couch with it, sleep with it, everything. So when my mom's best friend Susan was diagnosed with cancer, mom ended up giving Susan her healing lamb. A while later, Susan bought her a replacement, also known as "Lamby."

When mom passed we set Lamby up on her casket. I even told the people from the funeral home that the lamb could rest with mom. Somehow, it ended up in the bottom of the bag with some other keepsakes and belongings we received after the burial. What a gift- mom must have know that "Lamby" would soon have another calling in life.

I hid Lamby for a while because I didn't want it getting lost or destroyed by one of the kids.... and it smelled just like mom. There were several times that I would smell it and then burst into tears. The memory of smell is so amazing.

One day I was holding Leila and I went into my closet to get something from my supplies and Leila spotted Lamby and just about jumped out of my arms in excitement- as if Lamby were a long-lost friend- she kicked and laughed and grabbed for her. What was I to do? I could see how happy she was and so I gave it to her. She grabbed it and held it and rubbed her face on it and wouldn't let it go. It was so adorable and strange- she had never acted like that before towards any of the other hundreds of stuffies we have.

Now she doesn't go anywhere without it. She eats with it (unfortunately, notice the cheerios):

and sleeps with it and crawls with it and has to have it in the car... and library... and store. She even ended up accidentally throwing it in the trash yesterday. I was so thankful I had just changed the bag! I looked online for a back-up yesterday just in case it ever comes up missing.

Part of my sadness and grief has always been that my girls wouldn't get to know my mom. How beautiful it is that in little and big ways she remains in our lives and how a little stuffed lamb that brought her comfort so many times is now doing the same for her granddaughter.

God, did you plan this? Man, you are good!

A God-cation?

2011-06-03T18:54:00.000-07:00

I had every intention of writing about this a couple of weeks ago after I actually experienced it. I guess it took me some time to process it.

If you have read some of my other posts, you probably get what has been going on in my life over the past 6 months. Hands down, it has been the most challenging I have ever experienced to this point. It's all relative, I guess. I have felt deep, deep sadness and grief over the loss of my mom. I have felt depression, despair, heartbreak, overwhelmed, anxiety, confusion and so much more. I have felt happiness and joy but only in little spurts that don't stay very long. Everyday has been a clear opportunity to draw near to God and stay put in His presence. It truly has been my refuge during this time.

Two weeks ago I had a beautiful opportunity to take a vacation without leaving the farm, if you know what I mean. It is very hard to explain and some reading this will think I am a little coo-coo. But I am not. I believe that God gave me a vacation from life for a whole week without ever leaving my home or town. Let me explain.

I woke up on Monday and just felt really good and calm. For the whole week I felt this way- a very odd feeling for me. On Monday night I had the dream that I shared in a different post about my mom playing with my girls. On Tuesday morning I woke up with a heart full and overflowing with thankfulness and joy for God and the gift that He gave me through that dream. All week long I was super-patient with my girls (sorry, I would love to say that I am a beacon of light for my children at all times but....) and when Jamie and I weren't exactly on the same page with things, it just rolled right off and didn't phase me. I just had a very extraordinarily positive view about....well, everything. I spent time with friends just living in the moment. I took a meal to a friend who just had a baby. It was awesome. When things kind of went back to normal the following week, what had happened the week before became very obvious and stunning. It was a God-thing.

I deserve nothing. I haven't been mother, wife, sister, daughter, friend or anything else, of-the-year. This has been a very needy and humbling season in my life. For God to display His mercy on me in a way that freed me from my everyday burdens without actually taking me out of my everyday- wow! Really, amazing. I could cry just talking about it. I am nothing but God, my creator, believes I am something. He took time out of His busy schedule to carry me for a week.

My heart pours out right now as I share about this week that I had. The God that we have is one of love and personal relationships. He cares about our little stuff. And our big stuff. He knows this life is tough and that is why He offers peace that we can't possibly understand.

Amen!

Number 4, baby!

2011-06-03T18:05:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, the love of my life, my partner and best friend, my husband Jamie, and I, (man, a lot of commas probably used inappropriately) celebrated 4 years of marriage. The girls and I took a bouquet of flowers to him at school during lunch. We intended on bringing him some fresh fruit also but, because I have two kids and not enough hands for anything else, I dropped all but 2 chunks of pineapple in the parking lot. So, I actually brought him a bouquet of flowers and 2 chunks of pineapple. Happy Anniversary!

Four years ago I had just graduated college and was preparing for my wedding three weeks later. Our wedding was beautiful and I have very few regrets (only about a tablecloth mix-up and something else I can't remember now). It was outdoors in a rose garden and the sun was shining. It almost rained and then it didn't. The ceremony was short but sweet and God was there with us. My mom walked me down the aisle as she has always been both mom and dad to me. The reception went by so fast. I remember dancing and eating a little- we had a tex-mex buffet. I am still hearing about the tex-mex buffet. We did our wedding our way and on a budget and it was awesome.

It is amazing how quickly the time has flown by but how long it feels. So much has changed. Twelve days after our first anniversary we welcomed our first child, Sofia. A month after our third anniversary last year we welcomed our second child, Leila. Mom fell ill last fall and passed in December. Life looks all different now but we press on, together. I am so thankful to have someone to press-on with.

To my dearest Jamie:

I love laughing with you, staying up too late to watch ACL or SNL, holding your hand in the car, our dates to Target and Chipotle, sharing a love for books, paper and writing utensils and summers together. What a time we have had darling! But like we always say, at least we can experience life's adventures together, good or bad. I wouldn't trade my traveling buddy for anything. I think you are beautiful and we are going to make it. Thank you for being my rock and my heart, my love and everything I need. I love you more today than I have ever before. Happy Anniversary, baby!

Stop inducing labor just because... I mean it! Stop!

2011-05-31T09:19:00.000-07:00

proud mom with baby sofia

My little darling Sofia will be three years old in 2 weeks. I can't believe it has been so long. She is growing up way too fast! Her birthday and some other experiences that I have recently heard of bring to mind some serious thoughts regarding labor induction.

In a previous post I described my labor induction experience with Sofia. Here are some cliff notes if you are just tuning in. I was 4 days late the first time they wanted to induce. I just didn't feel right about it.... so I called the hospital and literally cancelled my appointment and didn't show up. I was 10 days late the next time my doctor called for induction. Being it my first pregnancy and that when the doctor talked to me he used the term "placental decline," I agreed reluctantly. My whole pregnancy I was waiting for my water to break in the middle of the grocery (clean up- aisle 4!) or to wake in the middle of the night - "I think this is it!". Unfortunately I got up at the crack of dawn on the day of my induction and packed the car and drove there- no pains, no urgency. To top it all off, at the hospital they insisted on wheeling me up to my room- as if I was really in labor or something. Talk about adding insult to injury!

I got all set up- dressed in my gown, "checked" for progress, hooked into an IV, bands put in place to monitor fetal heart rate and contractions. Enema- check! So much for moving around- it was hard enough using the bathroom. Next- induction drugs. I was given a 1/4 tab of cytotec vaginally every hour for 4 hours. Then the pitocin. Then my water was broken. Then the stadol (a narcotic administered through my IV without my permission that didn't help with my contractions and only made me feel less present during birth). Eventually an epidural. And, at 9:24 pm, my daughter Sofia was born with a little help from a vacuum extractor. Thanks a lot.

While I was overjoyed and super-thankful that we were both healthy, I couldn't help but feel a little disappointed in how things shook out. It wasn't until later that I realized how common my not-so-good experience really was.

So, recently, I had the opportunity to come along side a friend during her pregnancy. It has been a joy getting to know her and being able to share with her what I have learned from my experience. She recently had a beautiful baby boy... via induction. The night before her induction we met and she told me what the doctor had suggested. She was 39 weeks and 3 centimeters. Oh, and her doctor was leaving for vacation in 2 days. I think I did a great job encouraging her despite the anger that I felt towards her doctor for a morally defunct decision regarding her patient.

When I went to visit my friend, who did (thankfully) have a successful induction, she told me about 3 of her other friends who just had or are about to have their babies. All had been or had appointments to be induced. Including herself, 2 women had bad experiences with epidurals and one birth culminated in c-section. I just couldn't believe what I was hearing.

It is estimated that upwards of 20% or 1 in 5 births are induced in hospitals today, according to the National Center for Health Statistics. I actually saw 40% on some sites but could not find information to back it. keep in mind that less than 10% are medically necessary. The problem is that it is so common that we think it is normal now. Also, around 40% of all inductions will end with birth by c-section because the body is not ready. This rate could be higher among first-time mommas.

Some risks of induction :

Increased risk of abnormal fetal heart rate.
Increased risk of fetal distress.
Increased risk of shoulder dystocia.
Drastically increased risk of your baby being admitted into the NICU.
Increased risk of vaccum extraction or forcep delivery.
Increased risk of a cesarean section.
Increased risk of prematurity.
Increased risk of jaundice.

If you are not a high risk pregnancy, here is an example of normal labor:

Between 37 and 42 weeks, you go into labor on your own. You labor naturally by breathing, moving, getting into different positions. If you are having a hospital birth you choose whether to proceed with or without medication. You push when your body is ready. Your baby is born.

I am not trying to minimize or idealize birth- it is a process that can take days and it hurts like hell. Straight-up, no joke. What I am trying to show is that our bodies were specifically designed to procreate and birth! Birth is an amazing experience and a gift, not to mention something that sticks with us for the rest of our lives. The medical industry is trying to sabotage the birth experience by shouting lies at us like:

"Your baby is too big for you to birth on your own"
"You don't have to suffer during birth"
"Allowing the baby to stay in the womb past 40 weeks is dangerous"
"The baby is going to grow too big"
"You only have so long and then we will have to do a c-section"
"Inductions are harmless"
"C-sections are no big deal"
Oh, and here's some formula in case you probably don't make milk like most women (what?!?)

I know there are doctors who truly do care and take their profession and patients very seriously. Those doctors unfortunately are far and few between. The thing that pregnant woman MUST KNOW is that they are in control of their bodies and that their doctors provide information to be considered and that is about it. It is undeniable that doctors get paid more for performing c-sections than standard births- check your bill. You don't think they get paid by pharmaceutical companies for using induction drugs like cytotec or a narcotic like stadol? They sure do. Doctors can only have one master- their patients or big dogs who pay the bills. Who wins? Unfortunately it is not you and I.

Modern medicine has a place, don't get me wrong. There are certain situations that require medical intervention for the health and safety of mom and baby. Too much intervention is happening in a realm that should be more personal, exciting and empowering. Patients are being taken advantage of every single day.

Labor induction is an epidemic. Women- be encouraged! Your bodies were made to grow and birth babies- on their own. Read, read, read! You are in charge. You can birth your baby. You can have a great birth experience. You are awesome!

Please read more about inductions and the drug cytotec from the blog Pregnancy, Parenthood & Playtime

http://blog.ctnews.com/elwood/2009/09/15/labor-induction-what-you-may-not-know/

The risks of induction list from above was borrowed from this site.

Wanted!

2011-05-31T05:41:00.000-07:00

Jamie: Wanted for bio-piracy?

Last week my darling husband picked me some flowers.... from a vacant field near our addition. He actually went there to uproot some beautiful purple spring flowers to plant alongside our house. The lot used to belong to a Quaker church until they vacated 8 or so years ago. We have gone there before to pick apples and pears and get other flowers. We have never had a problem until the other day.

As my husband loaded up with his new-found flowers and bouquet for his beauty (ahem, that would be me) the neighbors closest to that field came out and started taking pictures. My husband asked if there was anything he could help them with and they told him that they were supposed to document anyone trying to take flowers from the field. Uh, ok. Whatever.

My husband says "that's fine, we live right over on that street right there so if there is a problem, you can let me know."

I love my husband.

WATERMELON!

2011-05-23T11:54:00.000-07:00

I totally heart watermelon!

Ever since watermelon season started, I have almost singlehandedly eaten 6 watermelons. Granted, the first couple were a little small, but, really!

Can you overdose on watermelon? Can too much of a good thing really be not-so-good? I wanted to know....

Some fun facts about watermelon:
(http://westchesterdish.com/2007/06/ten-facts-you-never-knew-about-watermelon/)

Not only does it quench your thirst, it can also quench inflammation that contributes to conditions like asthma, atherosclerosis, diabetes, colon cancer, and arthritis.
Over 1,200 varieties of watermelon are grown worldwide.
Watermelon is an ideal health food because it doesn’t contain any fat or cholesterol, is high in fiber and vitamins A & C and is a good source of potassium.
Pink watermelon is also a source of the potent carotenoid antioxidant, lycopene. These powerful antioxidants travel through the body neutralizing free radicals.
Watermelon is a vegetable! It is related to cucumbers, pumpkins and squash.
Early explorers used watermelons as canteens.
Watermelon is grown in over 96 countries worldwide.
In China and Japan watermelon is a popular gift to bring a host.
In Israel and Egypt, the sweet taste of watermelon is often paired with the salty taste of feta cheese.
Every part of a watermelon is edible, even the seeds and rinds.

According to Self Nutrition Data website (http://nutritiondata.self.com/facts/fruits-and-fruit-juices/2072/2) One cup of watermelon balls contains the following:

46 Calories
0g Fat
0mg Cholesterol
2mg Sodium
12g Carbohydrates
1g Dietary Fiber
10g Sugar
1g Protein
18% DV Vitamin A
21% DV Vitamin C
1% DV Calcium
2% DV Iron

It seems to be that the worst thing about watermelon is the sugar. I say, well, at least it is natural sugar!

Eat on, people! Watermelon lovers unite!

God's grace

2011-05-22T13:55:00.000-07:00

What do you see? This "angel" was leftover from lunch one day....

God is so good. All the time.

It's easy to get down and think of all the muck in the world and wonder where God is. It's really a glass half empty/ half full thing. You can wonder where God is or you can try and find a place He isn't. Some days it's easy for me to look past the flowers and the trees and the sun in my face and just focus all my energy internally on what is happening to me personally. Last week I really tried to be present with God and not worry about tomorrow.

I realized that for so long now I have been trying to look to a time with less sadness, more sunshine, less financial struggles, more personal freedom, etc. I have been so focused on tomorrow that I am missing today. I am missing my kids lives and my life with my husband. I am missing opportunities to be a good friend to someone and nurture relationships I have. I don't want to miss out on one more thing.

I shared a couple posts ago about the dream I had about my mom playing with my girls. It was more than a good dream for me. It was an example of God's love and grace for me. He sees me struggle, he sees me try and hang on day after day if only by a thread. He knows the desires of my heart- He knows how much my heart hurts for the loss my family has experienced. He knows I am trying to be present with Him although it's hard not to look to tomorrow. God found a way to unite me and my mom and my girls and it is just beautiful.

Some may say, "well if that is something that you wanted and have your mind on, your mom being able to play with your girls, than of course you might dream about it." I agree with that to a certain extent but I choose to recognize it as a God-thing. His timing is perfect. I am so thankful that I deserve less than nothing and yet I have everything I need.

This is one of my very favorite passages from Matthew 6:25-34, about provision:

²⁵ “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? ²⁶ Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? ²⁷ Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life^[a]?
²⁸ “And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. ²⁹ Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. ³⁰ If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you—you of little faith? ³¹ So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ ³² For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. ³³ But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. ³⁴ Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

God wants for His people to live for today and not worry about tomorrow. He will take care of all of our needs- physical, emotional and spiritual.

Thank you God for sharing with me a glimpse of my mother, whom I miss so much! Thank you for letting me and my girls be near to her again!

Amen!

A vegetarian meal idea- almost the only one I have

2011-05-22T13:04:00.000-07:00

When I was dating my husband, he used to make this meal that we appropriately called "bachelor stew." It is a vegetarian meal that is easily doubled or tripled and keeps in the fridge for a good couple of days (and even tastes better as it hangs out- one of those foods). He would make a big batch of it and then eat it with tortillas throughout the week.

Well, today is Sunday and for lunch I made bachelor stew. Here's how it goes for anyone interested:

"Bachelor Stew"

You need:
1 tbsp olive oil
1 small onion chopped
2 cans black beans (drained)
1 can Rotel (or just tomatoes if you don't like it HOT) (not drained)
2 cloves garlic minced
3/4 cup frozen corn (can also mix in peas and/or carrots)
1 1/2 tsp cumin
1 tbsp lime juice (optional)
Salt and pepper to taste

How to:
1. Saute onions and garlic in olive oil in a large pan for a couple of minutes.
2. Add remaining ingredients and stir. Feel free to add a little water if needed. Bring to a good simmer.

3. Cover so it can heat through and cook down a little- about 15-20 minutes.
4. Serve with warm tortillas and eat like you would a taco or burrito.

This meal is so easy, fast and good for you. I love one-pan meals!

The right idea....

2011-05-22T12:51:00.000-07:00

Today I sat Sofia down to eat her lunch. I decided to nurse Leila before I fed her table food and so I sat down and did so. The next thing I know, Sofia decided to do the same thing for "Icy," our local hockey team's mascot. She says, "look mom, I givin' Icy some milk too!"

It was darling. I said "you've got the right idea, sister!"

Sweet dreams

2011-05-21T21:30:00.000-07:00

For as long as I can remember I have had vivid dreams. I remember dreams I had from way back when I was a child. I wanted to share the dream I had from the other night.

I had a rough night of sleep as both the girls were up at least once a piece. Before waking I had this dream:

It was very bright. Like it was sunny. I guess it was sunny, and my mom was there dressed in some of her favorite summer clothes: a pair of sweat shorts and a pink tank top. So typical. Mom was still older but she was perfect- there was no sense that anything was wrong. In every other dream that I have had about her since she passed I have always known at some point in the dream that she wasn't supposed to be there because she was gone. I remember that my daughter Leila was crawling around my house and climbing up on the couch and jumping off into my mom's arms. She was doing that over and over and they were having a great time. Sofia was there too and they were all playing together. At the end of the dream my mom was taking the girls down the street for a walk in the wagon.

I woke up in tears. What a beautiful gift I was given through this dream. In the dream, like I was saying, I never felt this underlying dread, of loss. I felt whole again. Overjoyed. Content. Like everything was right.

God knows my heart and He knows that the sadness I still have is more for my children than for myself. The desire of my heart is that I would see my mom and my girls to play together. I have now. Until we all meet again, I will take it. I feel so blessed.

I still miss her so much.

Tiny prayers

2011-05-16T05:59:00.000-07:00

What I would give to be a child again. I was just saying to my husband when my 10 month old daughter woke up 5 minutes after I laid her down last night- "If I were her and I had nothing to worry about I would be sleeping. I want to sleep!" As a child hopefully all you have to worry about is playing, snacking, going outside and watching your favorite movie. Life is, more or less, pretty easy.

As you probably well know, adult life is way different. I am increasingly disappointed at the amount of stuff I forget and misplace just because my brain is so full of other stuff I just can't manage one more thing. My stepson (10) gets angry and says "you guys make me do everything myself" when he goes to take a shower and then calls from inside the shower, in the bathroom, that he needs his towel- and we won't get it. We aren't living in a Life Styles of the Rich and Famous house. Our bathroom is 20 square feet (an estimate). He doesn't understand that asking him to get his own towel is not some sort of parental torture, it's just taking one thing off our plates to do or remember to do. Not to mention, it teaches him responsibility. He has no idea what we do in a day's time. Here is an example of what my morning looks like:

Sofia gets up and gets me up. Shhhhh don't wake up the baby. Get out of bed. Get Luke up. Open blinds. Start breakfast. Clean counter off. Start dishwater. Read stories while breakfast is going. Oh, wait, Sofia wants to help with breakfast. Get a chair. Measure and explain every action. Get down. Put chair back. Is that the baby crying? Luke, go get dressed. Sofia, you have to go potty? You already did? Did you wipe?

This probably sounds vaguely familiar. It's a wonder that I've only left my house once without shoes on.

Adult life is great and all, but some days it would be nice to be a child again. By having children of my own, I kind of get to regress a bit when I play pretend with my girls or read princess stories. You'd think I would be the "teacher" in my relationship with my kids but so many times they are teaching me. Many of the lessons I learn speak to my faith.

When I was a little child, I didn't know about praying. We prayed at dinner time and before bed but that was it. I didn't know that there was a God you knew me personally and that I could talk to him directly through prayer, as if talking to a friend. I decided that as a parent, I wanted to teach my children about prayer early on. Sofia is becoming a top-notch pray-er. The other day she fell and skinned up her knees on the sidewalk. We prayed together before nap time that Jesus would help her knees to heal. So, when I got my wisdom teeth out a couple of days ago, she prayed for God to heal me:

Dear God
-pause-
please heal my mommy's mouth
-pause-
and her chin
-pause-
and her tongue
-pause-
and her mouth.
-pause-
Help her to feel better
-pause-
and be with Grandma Judy, because she died
-pause-
and the Little Mermaid. Amen.

I thought it was totally sweet. Everyone can learn from the innocence of a tiny prayer like this one. We don't need to use a bunch of fancy words or say "God" or "Jesus" a lot. We just need to say what is on our hearts. Even if it is the Little Mermaid. :)

***

But Jesus said, "Let the children come to me. Don't stop them! For the Kingdom of Heaven belongs to those who are like these children."

Matthew 19:14

It takes a village

2011-05-13T13:16:00.000-07:00

I found this picture and thought to myself- how perfect. It is an amazingly beautiful picture of probably a grandmother with her grandchild or great-grandchild. Look at the difference in skin. Have you ever thought about how similar people are in their first years of life and last years of life? I think that is interesting.

It Takes a Village

In my life I have heard the saying "it takes a village to raise a child" many, many times. It was not until I was older and now have a family of my own that I really understand what that means and how true it is.

When I was about 7 months pregnant I felt called to be an advocate at a local organization that provides assistance, support and education to woman who are pregnant and their families. I wasn't really sure about it but I went through with the training. I know for sure now that it was a total God-thing. My volunteering there has grown in my heart a serious love for mothers and children- one I never knew I had before. I have heard the advocate coordinator say before that she believes that God sends specific people through the doors of the organization to talk to specific people there. I believe it. I have met some very beautiful, very broken women. Some with great support systems and some with none. Some who are married and some who have several children by several different people. Whatever it is, the joy that fills my heart to be able to share a glimpse of hope with them is immeasurable. My experiences have really got me thinking, where is this so called village?

In the age of facebook, twitter, myspace, cell phones, status updates, email, etc., we are a nation of comfortable communication. 93% of what we say is non-verbal communication such as body movement, facial expression and eye movement. If we are doing most of our communication through means other than face to face, we are losing a lot of communication. The above mentioned kind of communication is easy. We can fake happiness, excitement, sadness or sympathy over the phone or in an email. I am sure that most of us have at one point or another. The greatest problem is that it is damaging our relationships by keeping everyone a computer screen away.

Here is how this relates to the village. Before the age of computers, women in families actually had to visit each other to find out what was new. They had a meal together and spent time together. Maybe they saw firsthand that a new mom in their family was struggling and found it hard not to offer help. They bonded, experienced community and their children always had someone besides just mom looking after them. Flash forward. A woman and her husband who recently moved to a new town are expanding their family and they have a child. Maybe the woman's mother comes and stays with them for a week at first but then returns home. No need to make the trip for the new mom and dad's siblings (the child's aunts and uncles) because they are keeping up on recent activities and pictures via facebook. The neighbors around them work or have their own children to worry about. See what I am getting at? I don't want to discount the use of the computer and social networking to find other like-minded women. I am a part of some very special groups on facebook that I value dearly.

Another aspect of this is so much bigger. It's getting to be my least favorite time again- election time. Where we watch the people who want to run our country spend unGodly amounts of money on stuff that matters nothing when they could be feeding the poor or housing the homeless or something. It's disgusting. Anyway. I always get honked off that all of the sudden abortion is an issue again. Convenient, eh? Just so that there is no confusion, I am pro-life and I don't identify with any given political party. I hold the idea that if you are truly pro-life then you should also be against the death penalty and for gun control. Most people don't hold these views, I understand. However, back to the point, I find it interesting that people are so concerned about the preborn but once they are born, "you are on your own" and "no way universal health care" and "let's cut funding for welfare." Where is our village? I want to know!

We, in our communities and nationally, need to come together for the good of each other. We need to give people a hand-up and occasionally the hand-out. Especially mothers. Mother's are raising our future workers, teachers, leaders. If we don't start caring for the village, this village will be in ruins. And p.s. you live in it.

If this fires you up, get moving. Look around at how you can support one another. Can you be a support to your own mother or a friend who is a mother? Can you watch your friend's kids so she can have 5 minutes to herself to regroup? Can you encourage someone through a situation they are experiencing that you have already experienced?

Keep your eyes open at the opportunities to start building the village in your community.

Not all of us can do great things. But we can do small things with great love."
-Mother Theresa

A little less wise today

2011-05-13T11:18:00.000-07:00

A couple of weeks ago, my impacted wisdom tooth on the lower left side of my mouth flared up. I have had this happen before but it was never this painful. It hurt terribly and the flare up lasted for 5 days- yuck.

I eventually called my dentist and talked to them about the next steps. I am always hesitant to get anything done to my mouth due to a bad experience I had when I was very young. I had this dentist who was enormous (especially due to the fact that I was like, 4 years old!) and had hands that looked like he just got done working on his car before he came into his real job. Yuck. And he didn't wear gloves. It took me like 10 years to get back to the dentist after that.

My dentist, which I love now, referred me to a local oral surgeon. I proceeded to make some calls to the oral surgeon and the insurance company. It was a combination of terrible customer service, waiting time, a whole lot of muzak, and confusion over all that left me in tears. After several more terrible interactions with the oral surgeon, I just wasn't feeling it anymore and asked for a new referral.

I found a new place and today, I had my extraction.

I had my teeth out at 9am and just looked at my watch at 12:49pm and wondered where the last almost 4 hours of my life went. How did I get home? When did I go out? When did my husband do lunch with the girls?

I kind of look like a chipmunk but at least chipmunks are cute :) My beautiful husband just made a special trip to the local Smoothie King to get my Lemon Twist with Strawberry smoothie. It hit the spot for sure. On to recovery....

Memories of momma

2011-05-09T20:38:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was Mother's Day. I feel like it was like impending doom all week, knowing that it would come soon enough and I would be reminded of my mom's absence. You won't believe this but I still can't believe she is gone. My heart hurts.

I have gotten to a point now, very recently where I know it's alright to be joyful in my day to day life although I am a mess most of the time. I can have a joyful heart and still a heart that hurts. It does me no good to slump around and give a variety of sad answers to "how are you doing?"

I thought that in honor of Mother's Day I could share with you some memories of my mother...

I remember when I was 3 or 4 and we lived in an apartment. Mom was going to school at the time. I went up to her and ran my little hand into the end of her cigarette. I still have the scar.

I remember being in middle school and coming home one day with my best friend Kirstin and mom was home. She worked a lot and odd hours and sometimes she wasn't home when I would get there. That day she was there.... and she had dinner going... and she bought for me the new backstreet boys cd. It was so special. I remember jammin' to my new cd and dancing around and thinking how out of the ordinary it was and how special that moment was.

I remember moving to Vegas with her. I remember visiting the fashion mall while we were there. I remember our ride home and when she and her cousin Phil got into it because I had to use the bathroom so much and he was tired of stopping. I remember how she picked us up out of the dirt after Vegas and made a new life for us.

I remember when she became my best friend- when I left for college. I missed her so much. I literally talked to her twice a day. She worried about me and I worried about her. I remember the time she came to stay with me in my dorm room and we went to the on campus movie theater and watched Shrek 2 and cracked up. Puss n Boots got us good.

I remember how proud she was of me when I graduated. I was the first in our family.

I remember her on my wedding day. She couldn't have been happier to walk me down the aisle and give me away to Jamie. She loved him so much.

I remember when we used to go to flashbacks (local old-school music playing bar/dance club) for her and my birthdays. She used to work it. She was such a fun dancer and all the younger men would try and dance with her.

I remember how brave she was when she had treatment and when she lost her hair. She wore those head scarfs and we had some good laughs trying on the wigs...

I remember when we took care of her on hospice. I remember Lisa's house and the pumpkins. Then the thanksgiving decor. Then the Christmas tree. I remember how she used to tell Leila that she just wanted to squeeze her when she wasn't even strong enough to hold her. And how, close to the end, she called Sofia over to watch the Mickey Mouse Club on her TV- so they could watch together.

I remember how it looked the morning she passed as I drove to Lisa's, not knowing what I would find. It was beautiful. The snow on the grown sparkled as I drove past. When the sun came up that morning it shown so beautifully into the room where she lay.

Thank you, mom, for having me and training me to be the mother I am for my children. You are not forgotten! Happy Mother's Day.

Sprouting seeds

2011-05-07T19:56:00.000-07:00

I am involved in a holistic living group here in town. At our last meeting a lovely woman talked to us about sprouting seeds- who knew? I was very intrigued by this and have finally got on the train to sprout my own.

I am sure you have heard of sprouts- the most "famous" being alfalfa sprouts. If you have never eaten sprouts, now may be a good time to enter them into your diet. Here is why:

They are an amazing source of nutrients given that they contain everything needed to sustain life
They have an alkalising effect on the body, working against free radicals (cancer causing agents)
Aid in controlling hot flashes, PMS, menopause and fibrocystic breast tumors
Contains highly active antioxidants
Prevent DNA destruction
Protects from the effects of aging
Prevents bone breakdown and osteoporosis
Contains oxygen for healthy cell life
Provide living enzymes
Good source of essential fatty acids
Being a chlorophyll-rich food they act as a blood cleanser

It's not all about alfalfa sprouts. Other common sprouts are broccoli, radish, various bean sprouts, clover and more. For more information about the different types of sprouts and their benefits, see the following websites:

http://www.herbsarespecial.com.au/free-sprout-information/so-good-sprouts.html
http://www.living-foods.com/articles/sproutbenefits.html
http://www.isga-sprouts.org/

Growing your own sprouts!

Growing your own sprouts is super easy! You don't need anything special- just a jar, a breathable cloth, seeds and water. Here is how you do it:

1. Put 2-3 tablespoons of your favorite sprouting mix/seeds in a jar and cover with cheesecloth or other breathable fabric.

2. Rinse with water and drain. Then fill jar up with water a little above the seeds and soak over night. Dry seeds are dormant. By soaking the seeds, you wake them up.

3. Drain and prop at an angle so leftover water can drain throughout the day.

Prop at an angle to drain

4. Continue to rinse seeds twice/day by swirling seeds with a little filtered water and draining and propping up.

5. Sprout for 4-6 days or until the root is 1-2 inches tall.

6. Rinse and place in fridge to be eaten. Consume within a couple days. Yum!

I grew something- yay sprouts!

You can also purchase a sprouter which helps if this is something you plan to have going all the time. Please check out the website http://sproutpeople.org/ for more information.

Here is to better health!

My green thumb

2011-05-04T11:21:00.000-07:00

I don't really have green thumb but I am working on it. Sofia, Luke and I planted these about a month ago. The top row is basil and the bottom row is parsley. I love to watch them curve towards the window in order to catch some better sun. We relate in that way- we LOVE sun!

I am so looking forward to farmer's markets and garden goodies this summer.

Dear Summer:

I know that you are on your way although Mr. Springtime really hasn't brought the sunshine and warm weather like I originally thought he would. I am holding out that in no time we will go from 54 degrees and frigid breezy to 90 degrees, humid as crap and sweltering like only Indiana can really do. I long for you, weather of golden skins, vitamin D to go around and bare feet (and sometimes butts) in the backyard. Come soon! Amen!

Food diary of the scared to die

2011-05-04T11:13:00.000-07:00

I gotta tell you, that title took me a while....

Me, my sister Lisa and niece Whitley

In my last post I mentioned how my sister Lisa was diagnosed with breast cancer last week. This came as a shock given the fact that I'm not done grieving my mom's death, and neither are my sisters. Through my mom's experience my sister has done a lot of research about cancer, treatment methods conventional and non-conventional, etc. She has made the decision to not take any conventional action right now, not surgery, not radiation, not chemotherapy. She is on a super-duper cancer fighting vegan diet with other supplements in hopes that it will create an environment where cancer cannot survive or prosper. This might sound like a death sentence to people who have only known conventional treatment or know little about cancer. It is not. If you stop and think and drown out the noise of the conventional medical system (where profit plays a role), it makes all the sense in the world to put only good stuff in your body to fight cancer. It is a risk but people who do conventional treatment die everyday. My mom was an example.
With that being said, I have decided to make some drastic changes to my diet as well, to come along side my sister. Here are some things I am doing or eating now:

Drinking water and 100% fruit and veggie juices, no pop
As much organic raw veggies and fruits as possible, or frozen but not canned (I have read that most cans are lined with a BPA plastic which can get into the food)
Organic brown rice, not white rice
Whole grain pastas
Almond butter instead of peanut butter
Continuing with organic milk (looking into raw milk)
Making my own soups and sauces
Staying away from high fructose corn syrup, aspartame and MSG
Doing my best to stay away from anything in the processed food aisles between the dairy and the produce
Very limited sugar intake
Looking into getting grass-fed meats
No processed meats

Another thing I did was get rid of anything that I didn't want to snack on. It usually happens around 2 or 3pm and 10:30pm when I get the "snackies." I reach for something easy which is usually junk. It only leaves me feeling like I want more. And because I am an emotional eater anyway, this really was not good. So I threw those things out.

Another challenge has been having stuff that my kids will eat but not have junk around. I realized that my kids have the habits they do because they have watched me eat in front of them for their whole lives. When I am eating a piece of chocolate and Sofia looks at me, squints her eyes and says, "please can I have some chocolate, mommy?" what am I to do? If I don't have junk in my house I won't be lying when I tell my kids I don't have any treats but they can have a piece of fruit. I can do it! So can you!

So, this is day three and I feel good. Here is what I have eaten for the last three days:

Day 1: Breakfast: blueberry bagel with almond butter and milled flax seed with a tiny bit of apricot preserves, a banana and some watermelon. Lunch: Chicken salad with low mayo and steamed veggies mix. Dinner: Turkey burgers on whole wheat buns, veggie salad and baked sweet potato fries.

Day 2: Breakfast: Oatmeal and fruit. Lunch: Rosemary chicken salad on wheat, orange pepper slices and watermelon, sun chips. Dinner: Caesar salad and bread (catered meal I helped serve at church, not the best pick) and apple juice.

Day 3: Breakfast: Egg white bagel sandwich and orange juice. Lunch: Tuna salad on whole wheat, sugar snap peas and strawberry/blueberry mix.

This might not seem very drastic but just the amount of stuff I am not snacking on during the day is serious and to my benefit.

I am trying not to get crazy or stress out about it. I understand that a lot of stuff in my life is totally out of my control. I understand I am not my mother or my sister. I also understand, though, that if I can make some positive changes in my life with something that is in my control, I should do it. There is no time to waste! I guess you could say I am scared to death to continue eating like crap. If you eat like crap, you should be too.

Today, take a look at your life to see where you can make some positive changes and go for it. This is it, you have one life.

Sisters

2011-05-03T19:30:00.000-07:00

The other day I caught my daughters like this and thought it was so sweet. This is what a I wanted- to have daughters so that they could be sisters like I have sisters. I hope they remain buddies foreverly.

When my husband and I started thinking about children, I had sort of an anxiety. I was ready to have children but I was not ready (or so I thought) to have a little boy, and as you know, you can't really choose ahead of time. Little girls, no problem- I was a little girl once, I grew up with sisters, I had a mom, etc. I didn't know a thing about boys.... only that I had a stepson with whom I had a roller coaster of a relationship. I never had a dad around, he was killed when I was 5 months old. My mom was married once but before I was born and she didn't date a whole lot when I was around.

We found out what we were having with both pregnancies. I was excited with both, although surprised with Leila because I was certain she was a he. As it turns out my darling girls both look just like each other and just like their dada, which isn't too bad since he is a good lookin' guy :)

I love to watch their budding relationship day to day. Sofia and Leila greet each other after a night's sleep as if it has been ten years since they have seen each other. I have had to get on Sofia more about smothering Leila with hugs and kisses than for kicking her in the heard, or putting a bucket on her head and then beating on it, like the other night. I can tell already that they love each other and I am so excited for their relationship as they grow. I know there will be some pretty intense drama times but when the dust settles, they will have each other and I am thankful for that.

Me with my sisters Sondra, Aisha and Lisa on Easter

Like I was saying before, I have three sisters of my own. We have a very interesting family dynamic. My two older sisters, Sondra (44) and Lisa (41), are "true" sisters of the same mother and father. My sister Aisha (31) right above me is from a different father, as am I. From an objective standpoint, I am sure it looks funny but it's not too much different than many families today, good or bad. It has always been my sisters and my mom for me. The dads were never around and after my dad died, I think it was hard for my mom to get back into it.

We have always been very close and I have learned to love my sisters for the unique people they are.

Sondra and I's relationship has been a long time coming. She is 18 years older than I am so I actually ended up being closer to my niece (who is 3 years younger than me) for most of my life. When I think of her, I think about how her personality shines. She is easy to talk to, outgoing and hilarious. I used to love when she and my mom would get together because they fed off each other amazingly and someone would always end up peeing their pants. I have always felt like maybe my opinion didn't matter too much because I am a lot younger. Now that I am an adult and I have a family of my own, we can relate better and I look forward to what our relationship has in store.

My sister Lisa and I have always been very close. I cried at her wedding because I thought I would never see her again. I had morning sickness with her when she was sick with her first son, Jesse. She sowed so many seeds of faith within me that I hold her responsible for where I am today in that way. We walked together, caring for mom in her illness. We just found out last week that she has breast cancer. So we begin a new walk together. Her light shines and I am so glad it has shown on me.

I could write a memoir of my relationship with Aisha and people would laugh, cry, and be in awe. Growing up, she was the person I looked up to... and the person from who I learned what not to do. I loved riding around in the car with her and her friends and bumping some loud music (play Fugees here). I could bore you with stories of her tying me to chairs and locking me in the basement, but I will spare you. Now that we are older, she is one of my best friends. She truly appreciates my nerdiness and I, hers. She cracks me up and it feels good to laugh. I am so excited to see her emerge from a previous life to a new beginning.

I don't pretend to know God's plan for me- I am definitely not big enough. However, I am so glad that God has surrounded me by a beautiful pack of women and given me daughters to train into beautiful women as well.

Mama Perez's guacamole

2011-04-30T20:39:00.000-07:00

If you are like me, you are ready for freakin' summer already! Or, if you live where I do, you are ready for spring to work it out. The other day I was feeling summery and one of my favorite summery foods is guacamole. My mom used to make some awesome, out of this world guacamole and it was always a favorite at family gatherings, birthdays and summer parties. Guacamole for some reason is really intimidating for most people. Do not fear! The following recipe is an easy winner!

Mama Perez's Guacamole

2 ripe avocados*
1 small onion finely chopped
1 small tomato (or a couple Roma tomatoes) diced
1 lemon
salt and pepper
1/4 cup cilantro (optional)

*A note about choosing avocados: choose avocados that are black- the blacker the better and generally, more ripe. Sometimes they will put stickers on that say "ripe." Do not be fooled! What you do is, feel the avocado and give it a little squeeze. If is gives a little very easily, it is ripe. If is does not give at all, it is not ripe and it will be nearly impossible for you to make anything with it. Remember: dark black and soft.

To make the guacamole begin by slicing the avocados in half long ways:

Next, use a large spoon to scoop out the avocado from the shell. Place in bowl. Scoop the seed out and set it aside. Use a fork or potato masher to mash avocado.

When avocado is mashed, add onion, tomato and cilantro, if you would like.

Mix all ingredients together. Add the juice of one lemon (watch for seeds). Add salt and pepper to taste. I think what make my mom's guac was that she knew the exact amount of salt to use so that it was yummy but not too much.

Lastly, place the saved avocado seed into the middle of the guacamole. It will keep the guacamole from going brown right away. Avocados are one of those foods that go brown pretty quick. If your guac starts to go brown, just give it a stir. I would definitely say to keep it cool, store in a fridge and try to eat within 1-2 days after making it for best taste and least risk of food poisoning. :)

Ta-da! Super-easy! Salud!

Dressmaking hiatus

2011-04-30T20:19:00.000-07:00

Uh, I think that is how you spell "hiatus"...

It has been, like, a week since I last posted. It's a total bummer. As it turns out I have been burning the midnight oil working on a friend's wedding dress. I think it is coming along nicely and I will be glad when I can hand it over to her and eventually watch it walk down the aisle. I made my wedding dress and quite a few other garments in the past but never any with two young children (including one that isn't a fan of sleep), in the wake of my mother's passing and about 8 hours of "free time" per week. This might be a good place to note that during my "free time" I have the choice of cleaning the house, sewing or sleeping. Regardless, I am going to make it. And she will be beautiful!

A little sneak peek!

This picture is of the fitting garment. The bride is really excited about the fabric flowers and so we are doing it up. I hope to post soon about how to make them. They are very fun and super easy to make.... unless you are hand sewing 27 of them... no, really, it is actually pretty therapeutic :)

When it is finished and the bride gives me the OK, I will post more. I am almost there. I think I can, I think I can,

I KNOW I can!

Officially concert ready!

2011-04-22T20:56:00.000-07:00

Tonight, my yellow mesh stretch polka dot fabric told me what it wanted to be so I could wear it as something:

Turns out it wanted to be a cape/shawl thing. Who knew? It has been sitting around for two months incubating. I was hoping it would get on the train, considering the Arcade Fire concert is Monday. I am super excited- Jamie and I have been waiting to see them for FOREVER. I watched a recording of their performance on Austin City Limits and about cried it was so awesome. That might sound stupid but music speaks to me- theirs especially. I will do a follow-up but until then, get acquainted...

National poetry month

2011-04-22T20:44:00.000-07:00

If you had no idea, April is National Poetry Month. For two years now, my best friend of 13 years, Kirstin has encouraged me to write one poem a day. Last year I was all for it and almost made the goal of one per day. This year, I wrote my first one yesterday. Ug. I am sorry Kirstin. Can we extend into May?

I wrote another one tonight at dinner for our waitress:

There once was a waitress named Grace

Who had a big smile on her face

She brought us good pizza

It was so nice to meet-ha (her)

We will surely come back to this place!

We ate at a local restaurant called Toscani, downtown and it was super yummy. They had paper over their table clothes and gave my daughter some crayons to color on it with. The paper table cloth is actually where this work of poetry was composed.... I hope it brightened her day. Sometimes the littlest things can make all the difference.

Finally comfortable after (almost) 4 years

2011-04-22T18:09:00.000-07:00

I love my husband. There is not a day that goes by that I don't thank God for the blessing that he is. Don't get me wrong, our marriage is not always cherries and lolly-pops but we work it and I love him more and more with each passing day. Today I had to laugh when we had this conversation... maybe some of you can relate?

Me: (dancing around silly in the living room for no apparent reason, I put my arm around Jamie) Pick me up!

Jamie: Pick you up?!

Me: Yea, pick me up. (think romantic walk through a threshold)

Jamie: No way!

Me: You have before!

Jamie: Yea, and I almost buss-ed (busted) my back!

Oh, I see. Well, sorry you had to be romantic! Just kidding but seriously...

Holy week for a Holy Housewife

2011-04-19T20:20:00.000-07:00

I hope by now you get that the name of this blog is a little bit of a haha and not me making a serious comment about how "holy" I am. I do love Jesus and I believe I am made holy only by His grace- I have nothing to do with it!

Speaking of holy, this week is it- the week before Easter. In remembrance (and celebration?) we watched The Passion of the Christ tonight. It was the first time I had seen it again since it came out. We watched it with our son (my stepson) Luke. It was beautifully painful to watch. I had the same feelings that I had the first time I watched it- horror, sadness, a sick stomach. Some may say that there is too much blood, that the movie goes too far with the torture and torment. For me it is a good reminder of what my faith is based on. If you are a Christian, you hear all the time, "Christ died for you." It is really easy for us to think of that being really easy for someone who is God's Son or thinking of it sort of like a lethal injection type of death- quick and painless. A Crucifixion is quite the opposite from what I have read. While on this earth I will never really, truly grasp God's sacrifice of His own Son. I know that I deserve nothing and yet I have everything I need because of God's love and forgiveness. That is worth celebrating!

When I was little, I really looked forward to Easter for the candy. I went straight through my catholic Sunday school classes and I knew Easter was special but I still didn't get it. As I grew and my faith evolved I went from structured, ritualized Easter with no meat on Fridays and Lenten promises to unstructured where Easter was still celebrated but much more minimally. As my faith evolves again, I am starting to be more intentional with how I am celebrating Easter. I look forward to the rest of this week as I study God's word and thank Him for my many blessings.

At church on Sunday, we had our annual feet washing/anointing service. It is a great service but unfortunately I missed it due to kids church duty. I know that some people aren't feet people or feet even gross some people out... I gotta tell you, feet aren't my thing either. I love my daughters' feet and my husband's feet and my feet are ok too. Other than that.... I don't know. I guess for this reason, the idea of foot washing is very special.

⁶ He came to Simon Peter, who said to him, “Lord, are you going to wash my feet?”
⁷ Jesus replied, “You do not realize now what I am doing, but later you will understand.”
⁸ “No,” said Peter, “you shall never wash my feet.”
Jesus answered, “Unless I wash you, you have no part with me.”
⁹ “Then, Lord,” Simon Peter replied, “not just my feet but my hands and my head as well!”

John 12: 6-9

This Thursday I am going to have a very special dinner for my family. I will have bread and wine (grape juice for the little ones) - like a pseudo last supper. As a catholic I would have never considered doing something like this, feeling like I wasn't good enough to break bread and drink wine in my own home with my family. How beautiful it is that I trust God will be with us in our home for our meal. I also want to wash my husband and daughters' feet. I want my family to know that I love them and serve them and that they are special to me. I want my daughters to know that I love Jesus and I want them to love Jesus too.

I want Easter to be more than a sugar high. I am looking forward to it!

Make your own baby ring sling

2011-04-18T19:43:00.000-07:00

Luke and Leila- sling time!

At any given time I have a lot of sewing projects going- either physically or in my head :) I am always looking for cool things to make for my girls. When Sofia was little I made a crappy, totally unsafe ring sling and then I wondered why I didn't like it too much. I worked it out this time, though, and I am happy with the result.
If you have a little one or are expecting, you should definitely consider wearing your baby. What do I mean by this, you ask? Well, chances are, you are going to spend a lot of time holding your child. If you already have children, this could be a little more tricky. Why not use something to help you support you and your child during those times... and maybe even give you a little more freedom with your hands? The ring sling is very versatile and you can wear your baby in it for a long time- even then he/she is a toddler if you want.

Here are some ways to carry baby in a ring sling:

To make my ring sling I first sourced fabric and safe rings. I ended up with a light-weight woven fabric, no stretch, from Jo-Anns. It is important to think about when and where you will be using your sling most and purchase fabric accordingly. I knew that I would be outside a lot and I wanted it for summer time so I went with something lightweight and breathable. I sourced by rings from http://www.slingrings.com/. They have a ton of colors and are very reasonably priced. The pricing is per ring set and you can choose from different sizes of rings as well.

Next I decided how I wanted to pattern the shoulder. This was a big mistake with my first try- I didn't think about the shoulder at all. I decided I would go with some close knife pleats (pleating in one direction all the way across).

Before I began to stitch anything I played around with the length and width. I ended up going with 2 1/4 yards for the length (which was more than enough) and 34 inches wide (32-33 inches after hemming).

Here is roughly what I did:

1: Measured and cut appropriate length and width

2: Double-folded 1/4 inch and hemmed sides and one short end.

3: Pleated unhemmed short edge until it was 6 inches across. I pinned each pleat in place and basted near the raw edge and then approximately 7 inches from it. Basting is just a long stitch that hold stuff in place.

4: Threaded the pleats through both rings. This is a little tricky to explain but.... next, I folded the raw edge under about 1/2 inch and folded it up to meet the other basted stitch. I stitched that in place with a standard straight stitch. Then I stitched it again about a sewing foot width apart. Lastly, I added a decorative stitch in between.

5. The final step is to thread it. I folded the free end up accordion style and looped it up through both rings from underneath. Then I folded it over the first ring and back down under the second. From this point you can adjust as needed. The sides of a sling are known as "rails." When you place your child in the ring sling, one rail will be under the child's bottom and legs and the other up over their back.

There are several websites on how to use a ring sling and or baby wearing in general . These are a couple of my favorite!

http://zolowear.com/Wearing.aspx
http://www.wikihow.com/Wear-Your-Baby

Baby leggings- yes!

2011-04-18T18:49:00.000-07:00

My Sofia- sportin' some new leg warmers

When Sofia was an infant, we thought we would try to do some loose elimination communication with her. If you have never heard of elimination communication your head is probably full of questions. Essentially, it is infant toilet training. It is a (sort of gently radical) way to get your child used to the potty sooner so that "potty training" is easier. We started at about 10 months. I was so proud because we sat her on our little pink ikea potty and she went 4 times the first day! We were rarely that successful after that but still! In order to do this properly, you should allow your child to run around with a loose cloth diaper on your even naked. Yes- naked.... especially good if you have hardwood floors for clean-up! We started this in April, and in Indiana, April doesn't mean anything but fickle weather. I discovered Baby Legs (www.babylegs.com) which are a brand of baby leg warmers and thought- awesome perfect for potty time. The thing is, they are pretty saucy considering pee definitely tends to run down the leg sometimes and you will need several pairs. I found the solution- DIY baby leg warmers. Here is how you do it:

I purchased a couple pairs of Junior's/Women's knee high socks from Target. They were $2 a pair and come is some awesome colors and prints.

Step 1: Cut them just above the heel, together and straight across

Step 2: Set your sewing machine to a wide zig zag stitch like so. A zig zag stitch will allow the knit to stretch and conform to whoever is wearing it.

Step 3: Fold cut edge up 1/2 inch and stitch around. Be sure to back stitch. Do for both warmers.

Step 4: Put them on and love them!

The socks I found are long enough that they are good for babies and toddlers. You can use them for potty training at any time, in the summer when you don't want your kids completely naked running around :) or you can use them to accessorize your toddler's outfit... leggins, jeggins and leg warmers are kind of in right now so it works. Plus, cute kids can get away with almost anything.

Good luck!

No matter what....

2011-04-15T06:51:00.000-07:00

This morning I was woken up by my two beautiful daughters at about 7:18 a.m. (not to be exact or anything). This might not be early to some people but when you are burning it at both ends and your kids don't seem to go to bed before they want to get up again- ug. I am trying to make the most of it, though. It is Friday, afterall. :)

I turned the local Christian radio station on to listen while I made breakfast. I feel like it is a really good start to my day- a way of grounding me before I head out into the world... or even my living room. I really don't know Christian artists very well but one of my very favorite songs came on and I felt so blessed to hear it. It is called No Matter What. When I first heard this last late summer, I didn't really identify with it. It is slower and I tend toward music with a good beat (even Christian music). That soon changed when my mom fell ill and it became my theme song, like I was hearing it for the first time. Every word was exactly what I needed to hear and pray.

Here is the first verse and chorus:

I’m running back to your promises one more time, Lord that’s all I can hold on to, I gotta say this has taken me by surprise, but nothing surprises you. Before a heartache can ever touch my life, it has to go through Your hands, and even though I, keep asking why, I keep asking why,

No matter what, I’m gonna love You, no matter what I’m gonna need You, I know that You can find a way to keep me from the pain but if not,if not, I’ll trust you, no matter what, no matter what.

I have cried so many times while listening to this song. It is a beatiful song, it reminds me that God is past, present and future, and that someone else has felt the same way I do. And it reminds me of the special time that we took care of mom.

I hope it speaks to you too!

Budgeting is essential!

2011-04-14T11:49:00.000-07:00

About a year and a half ago we were given the opportunity to take a Financial Peace course through our church, by Dave Ramsey. Until this point I had never really heard of Dave Ramsey, or financial peace for that matter. It ended up being a great course and I recommend it to anyone that wants to get their finances in order. I could talk for a bit about all of the good that has come from us taking this course but one of the best things is the idea of budgeting. Up until then, we had never made a budget... and I don't know how we didn't fall way into the red- ouch! We were just paying bills as they came in and spending willy-nilly. Yikes!

Through the financial peace course we used a budget worksheet designed for the program (which you can find if you just google search it). There are 3 pages. We don't fill in everything but it helps us to have a mental checklist for the month when determining things for which we need to set aside some dough. Budgeting is a way to be intentional with your money, making it work for you. You have to be disciplined and do what you can to stick to your budget once you make it. You have to give yourself an incubation period to get your budget settled on amounts of money for things like groceries and gasoline that don't leave you starving or walking. Budgeting has changed our lives and our financial futures.

With all that in mind... we have not been following the Financial Peace plan as closely as we could be. For example, the program calls for spending more cash and less card-swiping. Do you know that you tend to spend 12-18% more when you swipe than when you pay cash? Did you also know that you tend to spend the same amount more and on top of that when you just "tap" a card instead of swipe one, if you have a card with those capabilities? Very interesting. Anyway, we have been bad about going to the bank and getting cash out on paydays. Because of this I had to work out what we had already spent for the month to determine how much money I had left for groceries. $62. That's not much. I went to the store.

At the store I purchased enough to get us through the week. Enough for three dinners and lunch for me and the girls. I also purchased food to make a friend of mine a meal. I got a garment bag to house the dress I am currently working on. And on the way to the checkout I had the urge to pick-up one of those pre-packaged bags of food for the local food bank. I had no idea how much I spent but I was hoping it was under $62. The cashier rang everything up- $61.10. Praise God! Budget saved. Disaster diverted.

The point is that no one is perfect but financial peace is possible and budgeting is ESSENTIAL. If you don't currently budget, give it an honest try and see how you feel knowing exactly what your money is being spent on. It is liberating. It takes discipline but do you really need another pair of shoes? Always consider your circumstance compared to others who have less and not those who have more. All we really need to live is food, water and love. The rest is just a bunch of stuff someone is going to go through after you leave. I'm not trying to be grim- I'm being for real.

Dancing with Jesus

2011-04-10T19:51:00.000-07:00

My mom, Sofia and I- 2009

It's been almost 4 months since my mom passed away. I still can't believe it. I keep wondering when the hurt will go away and I won't feel like I am putting on a pretty face for people- when I will feel "normal" again. I still miss her so much. I try not to think about it because it hurts still like an open wound.

Last night I was putting my daughter to bed. We did the usual prayers and at the end I asked if there was anyone else we should pray for. She said "Grandma Judy!" It makes my heart smile that at only under 3 years old she still remembers my mom and brings her up often. Here is how it progressed:

Me: We should pray for our friend across the street too because her mommy went to heaven today, like Grandma Judy.

Sofia: Grandma Judy is in heaven (she pronounces it like heanen)?

Me: Yea, she is in heaven.

Sofia: (thoughtful) God and Jesus and Jonah are gonna keep Grandma Judy in heaven.

Me: Yea....

Sofia: (still thoughtful) Grandma Judy dances with Jesus.

Me: I hope she does!

I foresee Mother's Day to be a challenge this year.....

Beer

2011-04-10T12:25:00.000-07:00

It's got to be a good post if it starts with "beer," right? :)

It's been a good spring break. My husband is a school teacher and so not only was by stepson home all week but my husband also. On Friday my sister watched our daughters so that we could have a date (the 3rd one since my second daughter was born, who is now almost 9 months). We went to a local brewery to enjoy some food and maybe, a brew. Mad Anthony, I am assuming named after the General Anthony Wayne for whom our lovely city is named, is a great place. It has great food, great atmosphere, great bands and really tasty beer. My hubby and I sat at the bar and chatted and ate. He had a Blonde brew and I had a Raspberry/Blonde mix. I have never been a big drinker at all but I do appreciate a good beer now and then. It was yummy and I felt it right away (yes- I'm a total light-weight and proud!). I thought to myself "this is great- I am out with my husband and we are having a great time with great food and we are doing something without the kids and I can eat before my food gets cold..." and then I got sad. Really sentimental. I thought about mom and I even..... cried in my beer a little, sitting at the bar. I felt like a big dork.

It's April now. The sun is shining and today, it is warm. Bare feet warm. Sunglasses warm. I am seasonally affected and so I long for springtime for what seems to be forever. Here it is, and I am crying in my beer. I feel like how a soldier must feel coming back from battle. Exhausted, disillusioned, run-down but alive. What a season of my life this has been. Praise God I am still standing. Even if I am crying in my beer.

On a lighter note, I made some rockin' Shepherd's Pie with beer and since we are talking about it, I think I should share. I just recently re-discovered Shepherd's Pie when my dear friend Kirstin brought me and my family a meal (or two or so) during everything with mom. Her family's recipe is super yummy and my husband made a point to tell me he "really liked it." Score. I have yet to ask for that recipe to I adopted a few different ones via internet and improvised. It's easy and yummy and worth a try. It's a winner for adults and children!

Shepherd's Pie

You need:
4-5 good sized potatoes
butter and milk (for mashed potatoes)
1 onion chopped
2 tbsp olive oil
1 lb ground beef
1/2 cup frozen peas
1/2 cup frozen diced carrots
1 cup beef broth
2 tbsp worcestershire sauce
2 tbsp flour
Beer of choice (I used Moosehead Lager)
salt, pepper, paprika

How-to:

Cube potatoes and boil in salted water until tender.

While potatoes are cooking, saute onions in olive oil for a couple minutes until tender. Add ground beef, break apart and cook until no longer pink. Add peas and carrots and cook for 4-5 minutes. Add beef broth, Worcestershire and flour to create gravy. Stir until flour is incorporated. Pour in a couple ounces of beer, stir and simmer. Salt and pepper to taste. Remove from heat. Transfer to a casserole for baking.

Turn broiler on high to heat.

Once potatoes are tender, drain. Add a couple of tablespoons of butter and milk and mash or blend potatoes to your liking. Add butter, milk, salt or pepper as needed or to taste. When satisfactory, spoon out over meat and veggie mixture and smooth over top. Sprinkle a bit of paprika for look, not taste.

Place casserole in oven about 6 inches from broiler and bake for about 10 minutes until potatoes begin to brown.

Serve! Yum-o!

Conversations with Cinderella

2011-04-02T13:44:00.000-07:00

Yesterday my girls and I were in Sofia's room playing. Sofia picks up the Cinderella princess pretend cell phone and begins having a lengthy conversation with her. Then, apparently Cindy wanted to talk to me. We had a nice chat then I gave the phone back to Sofia saying that Cinderella wanted to talk to her again, you know the drill. It is fun to play pretend. A little while later she takes the phone to dad and tells him that Cinderella wants to talk to him. Here was their conversation:

Dad: Hey Cinderella, what's up?
-pause-
Dad: I'm going poop.
-pause-
Dad: No, Sofia went poop yesterday. Do you go poop?
-pause-
Dad: You do? Well, that's good.
-pause-
Dad: Nice talkin' to ya, Cinderella. Good bye.

I had to crack up at the sweet disfunctionality that is budding in my family.

Later that day, Sofia told me that the phone was for me. Cindy. Again. I figured I better brush up on my pretend talk if I am going to keep up with dad. It went like this:

Mom: Hey, Cinderella. What's going on, lady?
-pause-
Mom: Sure, we would love to. Great idea!
-pause-
Mom: No, we don't have a pair of glass slippers.
-pause-
Mom: Shoe shopping! Cinderella, you read my mind!
-pause-
Mom: Yup, ok. We will meet you there! Bye!

I wonder if Jamie bought it when I told him that Sofia and I were leaving to meet Cindy at the mall? :)

Compost cake

2011-04-02T13:21:00.000-07:00

I just looked at my last few posts... one about beef barley soup, one about throw-up and now, one about a compost cake. Yum.... maybe I should have thought this through better?

Last night was bible study night. It was also April fools day. I had originally planned to make some sort of April fools food that looked like something it wasn't... and then I found a recipe for a compost cake from the Disney Family Fun website.

I try not to like Disney because I feel like it could eat the world if it wanted to (just like Wal-Mart and McDonald's) but I can't help it. I love Disney. I long for my family trip to Disney World. I sing to every Disney movie I own. My 2 year old daughter doesn't go a day without reminding me about how mean Ursula stole Ariel's voice and Prince Eric stabbed Ursula in her belly. The only magazine I subscribe to is Disney Family Fun because it really is a great magazine! Ok.... back to the compost cake!

This cake is super easy and yum-o! Here is how you do it:

Compost Cake

You will need:

Chocolate cake mix (and the ingredients to go with it)
Chocolate icing
16 pretzel rods
Oreo cookies to crumble on top
Gummy worms
Other candies and look like they belong in the compost (I found some Wonka brand gummies called Sluggles which were perfect, some sour watermelon gummies and some mini cadbury eggs, white of course)

Compost cake!

How-to:

1. Bake the cake according to directions. Cool. Spread a bit of icing between layers. Ice the rest on all sides.

2. Place pretzel rod (the bin boards), 4 on each side.

3. Top with crumbled up Oreo cookie pieces.

4. Add desired edible compost contents on top

5. Enjoy!

This cake is super- easy. It can be made with your kids to get them pumped for gardening season. It can be made for an environmentally friendly themed party or dinner. Or it can be made for a bible study gathering.... I told them "this is to remind us that God takes all our yucky stuff and works it around for something good." I thought it fit.

Here is where I found the compost cake:
http://familyfun.go.com/recipes/compost-cake-999003/

Saved, again!

2011-03-30T13:20:00.000-07:00

I am so thankful for today. I am thankful for these 5 minutes when I can sit and write while the girls are napping. I am thankful for my husband who is working right now to support us. I am thankful that it is spring time. But the thing that really sticks in my head (right now) is that I am thankful that I don't feel like I might puke any second- like I did last night.

I hate to throw-up. Some people are throw-up champs, they can puke and then go right back to it. Not me. It is a feeling that I would rather not ever have again. When I start having that hot/cold yucky stomach feeling I feel like I might have a panic attack on top of it. I think I would rather experience a 17 hour natural labor again than have the pukies. Seriously.

I had a normal day yesterday and felt fine. I went to a volunteer appreciation dinner last night and the food was great- nothing questionable. I got home and was getting the kids around like usual when I got a hot flash and totally felt like I needed to b-line it to the bathroom. I took a shower to see if I could stabilize. It worked for about 10 minutes and then I was back to it. I just felt too hot or too cold and I was shaking. So weird.

Here's where the saving comes in. I immediately started praying. It started out something like "the Lord is my Shepherd... I shall not fear.:" I know that is not exactly the 23rd Psalm but I was doing what I could. I just prayed some more "God, I know that what I have going on is nothing compared to what other people might have going on but I believe you are a healer. I believe you can heal me. I believe you for it." Sometimes it is hard for me to pray for myself. I have learned though, over the years, that all of God's children are special to Him and He cares about our little junk AND He is big enough to handle my little junk and other people's big junk.

I continued feeling yucky and two of the three kids made it to bed before I told my husband it was time to get the puke bowl down. Leila had a hard time settling and after sleeping, waking, crying, sleeping, crying again I went and laid down with Leila to get her to sleep. I felt peaceful, like my system had oddly stabilized. I fell asleep and I feel fine today, knock on wood.

I have never been in the midst of chills where it did not end with me hacking (sorry for the graphic language). But now it has happened! I think it was a healing miracle. It just doesn't make sense. I thank God for hearing my prayers and coming to my aid.

I have a pound of ground beef.... now what?

2011-03-29T11:09:00.000-07:00

Last night for dinner (after the worst day ever... not really, but at the time it seemed that way) I was trying to come up with something to eat with... a pound of ground beef. Burgers? ... no buns. Meatloaf? ... my husband might divorce me. Spaghetti with meat sauce? ... had spaghetti the other day. I was stuck so I went to Google. I love google.

I found a recipe for (ground) beef vegetable and barley soup. It was yum-o! I thought it might be someone else's yum-o tonight so here's the recipe from http://www.groundbeefrecipes.net/:

Hearty Vegetable Barley Soup

Ingredients -

1/2 pound Lean Ground Beef
1/2 cup chopped Onion
2 Garlic cloves, minced
7 cups Water
16 ounces No-Salt Tomatoes, undrained and chopped
1/2 cup Medium Barley
1/2 cup sliced Celery
1/2 cup sliced Carrots
2 Beef Bouillon Cubes
1 teaspoon Basil
1 Bay Leaf
1/4 teaspoon Black Pepper
9 ounces Frozen Mixed Vegetables

Preparation:

1. Brown lean ground beef in large saucepan or Dutch oven. Brown beef until no longer pink.

2. Add onions and garlic. Cook until onions are tender. Drain off excess fat.

3. Add water, no-salt tomatoes, barley, celery, carrots, beef bouillon, basil, bay leaf, and black pepper.

4. Bring to a gentle boil. Reduce heat to low and cover.

5. Simmer 40 minutes. Stir occasionally.

6. Add mixed vegetables; cook 10 to 15 minutes until vegetables are tender.

7. Add additional water if soup becomes too thick.

Happy eating!

Meal idea for the picky eater

2011-03-24T19:55:00.000-07:00

My darling daughter Sofia is a very picky eater. The other day I got the idea that if I gave her "cute" food, she might eat it. Funny joke, mom. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich and then cut it into the shape of an elephant with a cookie cutter (that hasn't gotten much use for cookies might I add). She did think it was cute and she had fun de-trunking it and biting its legs off and taking a bite out of its butt... but... maybe she just doesn't like pb & j? I think it helped a little with her. It could be the answer for you! Worth a try!

DIY bibs for baby!

2011-03-24T19:49:00.000-07:00

If you have never thought about this before, bandannas make for some rockin' baby (even toddler) bibs. You can take a traditional bandanna, fold it diagonally and tie it with breathing room around baby's neck. It sounds dangerous but as long as you do not put your child down to bed with it on or leave your baby unattended for a while, it should be fine. The bandanna style works great because when you fold it in half there are two layers plus it bunches around the neck and catches all the baby goobers. I don't know if I would try this for a super small baby but a teething baby and older- definitely!

The birth experience

2011-03-24T11:42:00.000-07:00

Oh, birth, where do I start?

Birth is not a blip in your history. It is not one exact moment but a combination of moments that have lasting affects. Back in the day (way back), everyone's birth was probably pretty similar in terms of choices. There was just one way to do it- vaginally and with little to no medicine. Surgery was a rarity. If you know anyone who has been pregnant or is pregnant, you know the options are quite different. This is good and bad. For a lot of women and their doctors, birth is just business- if you are pregnant, the baby is going to come out one way or another! Little consideration seems to be given to the experience of birth. Having a good birth can make all the difference in the post partum time and as you continue to bond with your baby as s/he grows.

me and sofia

I had two very different births. My daughter Sofia was 10 days late and I ended up being induced. My induction led to camelbacked contractions and an epidural. Sofia, thankfully, was very healthy despite the wack-o contractions, the vacuum extraction and being forced to "move out" before she was ready. She was 7 lbs and 8 oz. My second daughter Leila was born 5 days early (thank you to my wonderful midwife Julie for getting things moving!). I opted to be present for this birth and have her completely naturally. I switched from a obstetrician to a CNM/midwife and hired a doula (a birth assistant for mother and family). It was awesome. It hurt like hell, but it was awesome and amazing and super-empowering. She, thankfully, was also healthy and weighed in at 8 lbs 4 oz.

me and leila

When I was planning for my birth with Leila, I had to make some big changes. I did not want the same experience I had with my first birth. First, I had to break-up with my doctor. It was a bummer because I really liked him and he had delivered my other daughter. It also sucked because I thought he might be mad at me or something. Once I made the switch to my midwife I didn't look back. It was the best decision I could have made. It is so important to have a doctor that cares about what you care about. YOU PAY THEM. YOU ARE THE CLIENT! Be encouraged if you feel like you need to make a change. Secondly, I hired a doula. A doula is someone who does not replace your partner or mother but is in addition to and takes care of everyone. She makes sure that mom and dad rest if possible, that everyone is eating and breathing and drinking water. She is there from start to finish. She is constant. Thank you, Jordan, for being that for me! Third, I wrote out an easy to read, bulleted birth plan stating what I did and did not want while at the hospital. It was very clear. I am flexible but I did not want to be pushed over in a very vulnerable state (ahem, labor). Lastly, I got my labor mix set on my ipod and jammed-out until things got serious.

The things that kept popping into my head when I was thinking about what I wanted for my birth experience:

The nationwide rate of c-section according to the Centers for Disease Control is around 30% and higher in some places around the U.S.
Inductions can lead to fetal distress or breaking of water which can lead to c-sections
Having a c-section, although common, is major surgery
Recovery time for vaginal birth is shorter than for c-section

As you look to your birth experience, here are some things you should do:

Ask yourself it your doctor cares about what you care about. If not, dump him/her and interview new ones
Visit hospitals and birthing centers to see where you will be most comfortable and even look into homebirthing options
Consider hiring a doula (Doulas of North America www.dona.org/mothers/index.php) who will be your advocate during
Read- the more familiar you are about birth and what is normal, the less freaked out you will be when it comes on
If your doctor even mentions c-section, start asking questions and a lot of them!

A final note about c-sections-

It is literally all the time that I hear someone say "I had to have a c-section." I actually hear of more people having c-sections than I hear of people having vaginal birth (hello, the way we were designed to birth children). I am thankful that we have the technology to perform c-sections. I think there are certainly times when c-sections are necessary. I however strongly believe that the power to perform c-sections is being greatly misused in our current health system. I do not believe that a doctor going on vacation or just because the mother wants one or being scared of having a baby are valid reasons to have a c-section. I do not buy it that 30% of American women can't birth babies vaginally. I just don't buy it. Like I was saying before, if your doc says c-section and your red flags go up, start asking questions or even get a second opinion.

Woman, you are powerful! You can take back your birth experience!

leila and sofia, loves of my labors

Yes you can!... cloth diaper your kids

2011-03-22T20:34:00.000-07:00

my diaper covers

I was first introduced to cloth diapering when I had my daughter Sofia. I began hanging with a holistic living group of moms and many of them cloth diapered their children. The more I looked into it the more I realized that cloth diapering today is not your momma's cloth diapering. Prefolds and pins (and maybe elastic waterproof pants) used to be the thing. You can certainly still use these things but they are not as easy as other options. The new styles of diapers are fitted and stylish and nearly as easy to use as disposables. There are a ton of brands and systems from which to choose.

With Sofia I began a process called "elimination communication" at about 10 months. Elimination communication is a whole other post on it's own, but basically it is infant toilet training. During this time I used traditional prefolds and pins. Eventually I compromised and purchased a beginner set of g diapers. (http://www.gdiapers.com/) At the time g diapers were all about a cover with a snap-in liner and a biodegradable disposable/compostable insert. I used them with cloth inserts (to save money) and they worked great. I still love them and, if I could readily afford them, would re-stock right now.

So, I clothed with Sofia for about 5 months, between 10 and 15 months, until she grew out of the g diapers set I had. When I became pregnant with Leila, I was determined to start early and save money. With a sewing background I took on the job of sewing a set of cloth diapers in two sizes. It was a labor of love for my little darling. I looked at many different styles to determine the one I wanted to model after. A popular brand is fuzzi bunz (http://fuzzibunz.com/). They are pocket diapers, in that each diaper has a pocket and a soaker insert and one whole diaper is dirtied every time baby goes. They go for between $18 and $20 per diaper. Another system that I looked at was from green line diapers (http://www.greenlinediaper.com/#). At the time it was a cotton cover, waterproof liner and a soaker. Now, it is just one waterproof cover and a soaker (a much better design by the way). They go for $17 per cover or $23 for a cover and soaker. The prints are over the top darling. I decided to go with a cover/liner/soaker system so that I could sew less and wash less too, because you can re-use covers if they are not wet or soiled.

I have had Leila in cloth full time for about 3 months and I love it, they are working great. At first I didn't know what I thought about it but now I am used to it. I have 8 size small/medium covers and 8 size medium/large and a ton of prefolds. I wash every 4 or 5 days. Yay!

Here is some cloth diaper vocabulary if you are just starting out and confusion is setting in:

Soaker: part of a cloth diaper that is used to soak up messes when baby eliminates
Prefold: an insert for a cloth diaper that you fold (if not already) and use as a soaker
Diaper cover: can be waterproof or not, used to hold soaker
Wicking layer: layer of diaper that soaks up moisture but keeps it off of baby's skin to keep baby dry. It can be part of the diaper or it can be a liner that goes on top of the soaker
One-size: diapers that adjust to fit babies of different sizes and ages
Wet bag: a waterproof bag that you keep in the diaper bag to carry soiled cloth diapers home
Diaper pail: a bin where you put wet and soiled diapers until laundry day (can be wet or dry)

diaper pail

I have only skimmed the surface about cloth diapering. If you are considering it, know that you can do it and that there are options for you! I knew that I wanted to cloth so that I could be "greener" but it had to fit the budget. I couldn't afford $250 for a beginning set of diapers so I made my own. If your budget is a problem and you don't want to or can't really make your own, I suggest going with a simple prefold/waterproof cover system. A lot of times you can get cloth prefolds from garage sales. You can also check out www.myuseddiapers.com/ or http://www.diaperswappers.com/ to get diapers for a lot cheaper that still have life left in them.

Be strong! You can go cloth too!

The thanks I get

2011-03-21T19:56:00.000-07:00

Motherhood is thankless a lot of times, or at least it seems that way.

Today I was on the couch holding Leila and Sofia, age 2, comes up to me and says, "mommy, I cut you neck off" and then she smiles real big and makes a cut motion at my neck. What? I almost had to laugh. This was at about 8 pm and I was just thinking, I have bent over backwards all day for you and this is how you repay me? by telling me you are going to cut my neck off? It was indeed laughable. I guess I should thank her 10 year old brother for vocabulary like that.

Before I laid Leila down for the night, I nursed her a bit. She suckled a little bit and then pulled off and then flailed her arms and smacked me in the face and pulled my glasses off. Now, I know she didn't mean to. But I almost laughed at that too. If you are a nursing mom or have ever nursed a child, you know it is a labor of love sometimes. If Leila is not smacking me in the face, she is pinching my side or scratching me with her baby razor nails.

Somehow I go on loving my children still and coming back for more when the sun rises again. I guess it is good I can laugh at these things.

Hearing from God

2011-03-20T20:46:00.000-07:00

I try not to be a Sunday-only Christian.

I figure- you are either in it or not. Until I was about 18 I would have considered myself catholic. I don't think that all catholics are Sunday-only people but I do feel like that is what I observed growing up. What's better than Sunday-only people are holidays-only people, people who only go to church on important holidays like Easter and Christmas. I am not knocking, I'm just saying that at some point I decided I wanted more than that. My faith began to grow as a result and it was good.

I really became a Christian in college. It was my desert place, if you will. I didn't feel like I fit in and I was away from everyone I loved. I held fast to Jesus and I was renewed. In the years since college I have grown that much closer to God and, although I have a long ways to go, I don't feel recognizable compared to the person I used to be. I think this is good too.

I always thought that God would never speak to me. For one, He of course doesn't do stuff like that anymore and for two, why would He speak to me, I am nothing. I have realized that God does still speak to people, but they just have to be listening. There were two different times in the recent past that I felt like God had spoken to me. It wasn't a big booming voice "AMBER, DO THIS!" Think of the story with Elijah's encounter with God- God was not in the gusting wind or an earthquake, He was in a gentle breeze, like a quiet whisper. Both times that I feel like God spoke to me it was an urging, a surge of overwhelming emotion that almost caused me to speak before thought about some very serious stuff. This "stuff" I am still praying about but I will update as needed.

Today I taught kids church and the lesson was about being obedient to God and the story came from Luke 5 where Jesus calls on the first disciples. I had about 12 kids in class, ages 6-12. I said "raise your hand if you are ready to leave your video games and your skate boards and your mom and dad to go follow Jesus right now." I didn't see too many hands. I went on to explain that Jesus isn't physically with us right now to call us to physically go follow him wherever He leads but we need to listen for God to speak into our hearts what He would have us to do so that we can still follow where he is leading, even today.

People think that when you decide to follow Jesus, that it is going to be all cherries and lolly pops. Sometimes it couldn't be further from it. The good news is that faith is not stagnant. It is always moving and changing. We have a God that is active and loves us so much that He would "talk" to us. God is always working some good for those who love Him and He is calling us, like Jesus called his disciples, to work for Him. Our economy is shot but I heard His payment is..... the best.

Ant-icide

2011-03-17T18:30:00.000-07:00

We have an ant problem.

It is only the middle of March and the ants already think it is a good time to move-in. We went and bought ant traps last night and put them in the popular ant spots and called it good, for now. This afternoon I had a very interesting conversation with my two year old, Sofia. It went something like this:

Sofia: Mom, there's ants in the bathroom under the rug.

Mom: I know, honey, it's ok, mommy knows they are there.

Sofia: Is there ant traps under there?

Mom: Yes.

Sofia: There's poison in the ant traps and the ants is gonna eat it? The ants is gonna die?

Mom: Yes, but it's ok.

Sofia: The ants are gonna die like Jesus?

Mom: Uh, kind of like Jesus.

Sofia: And grandma Judy? And grandma Judy's kitty cat Moe? Moe died, mom?

Mom: Yes, sweetie, grandma Judy and Moe died like Jesus. But it's ok, they are in heaven together now, remember?

Sofia: The ants go to heaven too with Jesus and grandma Judy and Moe?

Mom: I hope so.

I don't think I'll ever be able to heartlessly commit ant genocide ever again.

Workin' a mini-van! Yeah!

2011-03-17T11:20:00.000-07:00

It's official, we now own a mini-van. I am my mother's daughter after all.

We have been planning the purchase of a new-to-us car for a while and tax season has allowed us the bump we needed to make a purchase. We knew that we needed a bigger vehicle. We have a 2002 Nissan Sentra that is our "nice" car as opposed our other one the 1989 88 Oldsmobile. With two adults and three kids and five seats plus a stroller, diaper bag, etc. we were always loaded down. I am totally thankful for both of our little cars- they have taken us so many places. They have truly been a blessing. I know people that don't have one car and we have two that run. However, a van is just what we needed to fit our current life situation.

I caught a lot of what I would call "crap" from people when I would say "van." "You're too young for a van" or "I would never be caught in a van" or "a van, really?" I guess I just look at vehicles differently. For the majority of my driving life I have always had a car that everyday I would get into it and pray that it kept running for one more day. I think of vehicles as an instrument that get you from here to there. I am not in my car enough for it to go very deep with me. I would rather not have something wrecked or rusted-out but if it gets me from here to there, I have to drop the pride at the sliding door. I always said that if I ever bought a car for sixty grand I should be able to live in it. Ultimately, in life, you can look at everything from the perspective of what you don't have compared to someone or a group of people or you can look at things from the perspective of what you do have and how blessed you are. It's a lot less stressful to recognize that contrary to popular belief, we aren't entitled to anything and anything we do have is a blessing. That's a little off topic, but... I am just so thankful to even be able to purchase a new-to-us vehicle (even if it is a van)- Thankful to God for providing for us through my husband's job and thankful for my husband who works so hard at it.

Granny and soccer mom van moms UNITE!

Easy trail-mix for your little ones

2011-03-16T15:29:00.000-07:00

I decided the other day that I was sick of not having anything around to snack on that was yummy but somehow healthy or healthier. I thought I might make some trail-mix. I have had many different kinds of trail-mix in my day and there are always certain ingredients that get left behind- nuts, dates, other weird dried fruit. I thought about the things that me and my family like that would be good for the car and out-and-about without any one ingredient being left behind. Here's what we came up with:

The Drake-Mix

off-brand cheerios
off-brand rice chex
craisins or dried cranberries
semi-sweet chocolate chips
dried apples
strawberry yogurt covered raisins (only because I had a little bit left in my cabinet already)

You can add in the amounts that you would like, I didn't follow a measured recipe :)
I was concerned that my 2 year old would only eat the chocolate and leave everything else but she is eating everything. We have some grains, some fruit and some chocolate. Yum-o! A lot better than cookies, crackers and other processed food snacks.

Try it or make up your own that works for you and your family!

Making your own baby food? Totally Do-able!

2011-03-16T11:30:00.000-07:00

For as long as I can remember I have looked for ways to save a dime. Not because I am cheap but because my economic status has always forced me to be more, well, economical. It's kind of fun (if you choose to look at your circumstance that way) to look at a situation and ask, "how can I do this better... or cheaper... or make it more personal?"

When I started to feed Sofia solid food, I knew that there had to be another way so I started to research it. I found several different books but the one that I like the best I actually found this time around with my other daughter, Leila. It is called Naturally Healthy First Foods for Baby by Jacqueline Rubin. It is kind of like a first foods bible, very thorough and has a lot of "recipes."

You can buy a lot of different things to use to make your baby food. There is the BabySteps Kidco system, the Baby Bullet, the Baby Brezza (which I first saw at a local Babies R Us) and others. These systems look really nice and I am sure they work great. I have listed the web addresses below for anyone that wants to do some more research. I, of course, thought I could be a little more cost effective.

My baby food making "system"

I make my baby food using a $10 mini food processor I found at Wal-Mart and $1 4-pack of ice cube trays. So... $11 plus some zip-loc baggies and I am good to go. Not bad. Let's see how the price of my system compares with others:

My system: $15
KidCo system: $59.95 for electric processor, tray, food mill and carrying case

http://www.kidco.com/main.taf?p=2

Baby Bullet system: 4 "easy" payments of $19.99 for bullet, 8 storage containers

http://www.babybullet.com/

Baby Brezza system: $99.99 for just the processor ($14.99 for 4 containers, $14.99 for cutting board)

http://www.babybrezza.com/index.php

I think I win. :) Now on to the how-to portion...

When you first decide to start baby food (generally somewhere between 4-6 months or after) there is a little bit of an order to follow. Start with rice cereal to begin and then when baby has that down, move on to oatmeal and other grains. Rice is the easiest to digest that's why you start with that. Mix small amounts of baby cereal with breast milk, formula or water ("baby" water, purified or boiled is preferable). Go from soupy to thicker as baby learns to take it. Take your time feeding baby, he/she has plenty of time to taste everything. After cereals, start veggies. Veggies before fruits because fruits are sweeter and can sabotage your veggie efforts. Give each veggie or fruit for a couple of days and monitor for any sign of allergies.

To make your own baby food you will need the raw vegetables or fruits, your processor, ice cube trays/ little glass jars, and some baggies for freezing. If I were making carrots, this is what I would do:

1. Prepare carrots by peeling them and trimming off end. Discard/compost waste. Cut into slices and place in a pot of water.

2. Boil water and carrots until carrots are soft. Do not drain water- it can be used when blending carrots.

3. Place carrots in food processor with a little carrot water. Blend. Continue adding water as needed to get the right consistency.

4. Spoon into ice cube trays and place in freezer.

5. When frozen, pop out (may need to let them thaw on the counter a little) and place in baggies. Label "carrots" and date.

Pretty much all of your veggies can be done this way. Remember, leave out the oil, salt, pepper, and sugar. Baby has no idea about any of this yet so take advantage!

When it comes to fruit, a lot of time you can just mash it as is. Bananas and Pears can be mashed. Peaches and apples can just be blended. You can reconstitute dried apricots in some hot water and then blend those.

Meats can also be blended. I remember making a tray of black beans and rice for Sofia and she loved it! Be creative- you get to decide what you want to make and how to feed. It is awesome and cost-effective.

Final note: I have only talked about electric processing of baby food. You can also look into food mills that are manual processors. I would say that you can get a food mill for around $12 or so.

Happy feeding!

Feeling like Mother of the Year

2011-03-14T19:32:00.000-07:00

What a day!

I am wiped out and my day isn't over. As I write this, my darling Leila is jumping around on my lap. Just wondering when I might catch a break...

Today was not only Monday but also a day where I watched another little girl aside from my own two ladies. Leila started yesterday with some really runny eyes. Runny eyes? Google didn't have much to say about that, maybe allergies. This morning it continued and because the other girls (my daughter Sofia is 2 1/2 and Julia is 3) don't quite understand how to "keep it down" or "use inside voices" Leila couldn't really settle to sleep. Ug. Sofia plays pretty well most days but today it was all "mine" and "no" and even hitting. Yuck- hitting. I put her in time-out for 2 minutes 3 different times today. A lot of good that did. Eventually Leila fell asleep and slept for 2 hours, which was awesome, but the other girls didn't want anything to do with nap time.

THANKS A LOT DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME!!!!!

By the time my dearest husband came home I was ready to start smoking or go for a drink. He even had to put Sofia in time-out once for doing something she was told not to do several times. When I went to retrieve her from her 2 minutes of torture I said, "Sofia, do you know why mommy and daddy put you in time-out?" She said she did. While I was reiterating that it was because she was not listening to us, she picked up her fairy wand, tapped it on my head and said "mommy, you're a turd." I almost wanted to laugh. It has been one of those kind of days.

I love my girls so much. I feel bad for even complaining about motherhood because I know people that would give anything to have children of their own. The truth is, this has been the hardest 8 months of my life- with Leila as needy as she is and mom dying. It's about all I can take. I'd love to be Mother of the Year but most days I couldn't be farther from it.

From James

2011-03-14T11:15:00.000-07:00

James, it's a great name. I never really thought so until I married one. My husband's name is James but everyone has always called him Jamie. He is my love.

Ok, now on to the real post :)

Yesterday I visited my sister's church to watch my niece, Grace, get baptized. The message was part of a series called "According to Jim" and the scripture came from the book of James 2: 14-26.

¹⁴ What good is it, my brothers and sisters, if someone claims to have faith but has no deeds? Can such faith save them? ¹⁵ Suppose a brother or a sister is without clothes and daily food. ¹⁶ If one of you says to them, “Go in peace; keep warm and well fed,” but does nothing about their physical needs, what good is it? ¹⁷ In the same way, faith by itself, if it is not accompanied by action, is dead.

¹⁸ But someone will say, “You have faith; I have deeds.”

Show me your faith without deeds, and I will show you my faith by my deeds.

(read the complete text at http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=James+2&version=NIV)

As I listened I totally had that feeling, like "yes, this is so true."

I have a hard time calling myself a Christian sometimes because of the negative connotations it has with people that don't or haven't yet accepted Jesus. I usually just say that I love Jesus because I figure you can't go wrong with that. All the time I am surprised by my own faith and other believers who supposedly believe what I do. It is amazing that we all call each other Christians and that we are all part of one body and of one church but that our beliefs are foggy and the line between what we believe or don't is blurred. There are catholics, lutherans, evangelicals, mormons, orthodox, nondenominationals, and about 500 more branches of the Christian "one body" church that are not named here. I could go on on... maybe later, though.

The sermon was right on when it says that, as a Christian, your faith and deeds should work together. If I see a homeless man without a coat and I have an extra coat in my backseat, as a Christian it is my duty to recognize need, share what I have and love people regardless of their circumstance. If I deny that homeless man of what I have to freely give and maybe just throw up a little prayer for him as I pass, what good is it? Am I really doing all I can and should as someone who calls herself a Christ follower? I want to note here (as did the pastor who spoke the message) that I am not saying that a prayer isn't good enough- prayer is an essential part of being a Christ follower. I am saying that we always need to be evaluating to see if there is something more we need to be doing. Verse 18 says "But someone will say, 'You have faith; I have deeds.' Show me your faith without deeds, and I will show you my faith by my deeds." The point is that our faith in God should direct our actions. If you are a Christ follower and you have everything you need and then some, and you know people who are in need but you feel no need to help them, it's time to re-evaluate.

As Christians, we do not need to do do do in order to earn God's grace. We deserve nothing and still we are richly blessed. Because of our faith we are called to do God's work on this earth.

Use me, Lord. You're the only one to whom I can trust to say something like that.

The fast food challenge

2011-03-13T21:37:00.000-07:00

I heart fast food. It sucks. I wish I didn't. I want to eat healthy, really. I am doing pretty good so far this year in terms of not eating out. It was one of those, what do you call them?... resolutions, that's it!

I was headed to church last Sunday and I stopped at McDonald's for an iced coffee. Horrendously unhealthy but super yummy and in my not-so-rebellious life, a small offense. I have heard a lot about people paying for the car behind them in line at fast food restaurants. I thought it would be kind of fun, maybe I could make someone's day. So I did. $4.24 was the total (I must have picked the right person to get in front of...haha). My stepson still doesn't quite understand why I would even think of doing something like that, but that's ok it was a teachable moment.

A couple days later I had a great idea. In order to curb my eating out I would try to be more disciplined and if I did eat out, I had to pay for the person behind me too. It's a way that I can be encouraged either way- by being disciplined and eating food I know is good for me or by blessing someone when I have a weak moment.

On Friday, I dropped my daughter off to my sister before I went for some volunteering. I had to have a soda- stat! I drove into McDonald's (yes, my preferred place of processed food) and ordered my soda. Then I heard my voice in the back of my mind "if I go, I will pay for the person behind me." I went back and forth but decided that even if I wasn't being disciplined I still had to be disciplined and follow my plan. I was hoping my $1 soda didn't turn into the $20 soda. My husband would kill me!

Total: $3.28

Maybe this is something that you could try? It is kind of fun. Kind of random but good. You never know how a little deed like paying for someone's coffee or a child's Happy Meal can make someone's day or week. It's like a pay it forward. GREAT movie, by the way, if you've never seen it.

Comfort food!

2011-03-13T12:45:00.000-07:00

When I was growing up we almost never ate meals as a family. It was just my sisters and my mom and I, and because I was the baby, sometimes it was just mom and I. Mom worked a lot as a catering manager and when an event was going on, she was there. Luckily, I learned pretty early how to take care of myself. So, thanks to canned food and frozen meals I was good to go. I never faulted my mom for not being able to sit and eat with us. I understood that she was working so that we could eat at all. She never left us hanging, either the cupboards and freezer were stocked or she made us something special to eat while she was gone.

The other night I didn't know what to fix for dinner and was ultimately sick of the same ol' same ol' so I pulled one out: Chicken and dumplings. Major comfort food. That much more comforting as I make it for my family knowing that my mom used to make it for me and us when she was here.

Before I got married my mom made me this recipe book and asked everyone who attended my bridal shower to bring a recipe. It wasn't a super-duper fancy cookbook, it was a scrapbook turned cookbook- a product of my mother's uncreative but very loving hands. It is now one of my most prized possessions as I use it to prepare meals as a mother myself. In it she placed a couple of her staples but no chicken and dumplings. I was forced to improvise. I have always been pretty observant and my mom, a good teacher, so it worked.

Here is the "recipe" I used:

Chicken and Dumplings

3 ribs of celery, chopped
1/2 large onion, chopped
2 tbsp chicken bouillon
1-2 lbs boneless chicken breasts
32 oz chicken broth
1 bay leaf
3 good-sized potatoes, diced into 3/4 inch chunks
3 good-sized carrots, sliced into 1/2 inch disks
Bisquick (or you can make your own dumpling mix, super easy)

Take a standard pot (like cooking soup- pot) filled 2/3 with water. Add celery, onion, chicken bouillon, chicken (frozen, thawed, whatever), chicken broth and bay leaf. Bring to a boil and simmer for a while until chicken is tender and no longer pink inside. Skim top for chicken fat and discard as needed. Take chicken out on cutting board. Add potatoes and carrots. While the potatoes and carrots cook, shred chicken. Put chicken back in pot. Mix Bisquick or other dumpling mix. Spoon dough into pot enough for about 6 dumplings (they will expand a lot). Cook for 10 minutes uncovered and then 10 minutes covered. Done! You can serve the food right away and then put more dumplings in to cook while you are eating. Yum-o!

As I was trying to savor every bite of my chicken and dumplings (after I finally got to eat, you know how it is with kids) I said to my husband "where has this been all my life?" To which he replied, "we never had to make it because your mom always made it for us."

I hope I made her proud.

Wanted: Mom with Small Children for Hang Out

2011-03-09T21:10:00.000-08:00

Wanted: Mom with Small Children for Hang Out

Mom with toddler and infant seeks other mothers with like attachments for playtime. Enjoys long walks at the zoo, coffee and apple juice, naptime. Prefers someone(s) who can easily tolerate and maintain conversation over screaming, crying, whining, and toddler jibber-jabber. Desperate for adult interaction.

The best part about this post is that when I titled the post the first thing I wrote was "Wanted: Mom with Small Children to Hang." I figured that wouldn't go over well- I could totally see that popping up on Leno some night. Ug.

Recently on Wednesdays I have been watching a little girl who is the daughter of a friend of ours. Today, however, we had an open day. We ended up at the library which was great but I miss hanging out with other moms. I love my girls so much but I need to have an adult conversation every once in a while. I need to relate to other women who are in similar shoes and who can appreciate the daily life happenings of life with small children. It is amazing how much better I feel after meeting with other moms and connecting to them. Finally, my feelings, my craziness, my everyday stuff is shared with people that understand! Yay!

Tomorrow the girls and I will head to a holistic living group meeting in the morning and then have lunch with a friend. I am looking forward to it.

Adventures in laundering

2011-03-09T20:51:00.000-08:00

I have felt really pumped since reading through that Make Your Place book. I don't want to feel like I have to use products that I am not sure about. Weird chemical names freak me out and consumer boxes that don't list ingredients do too. With that in mind, I have been on a mission for the past few days to source the ingredients for some DIY laundry soap and I think I have it! Maybe...

DIY laundry!

I found a couple of different recipes for soap and also got some good info from a good friend of mine who makes her own soap regularly. Here are the recipes:

From Make Your Place by Raleigh Briggs:
1/2 cup baking soda
1/2 cup powdered castile soap
1/4 cup washing soda
1/4 cup borax
few drops essential oil (optional)
Use 1/2 cup per load

From Suddenly Frugal by Leah Ingram
2 parts washing soda
2 parts borax
1 part grated Fels-Naptha soap
Use 1/4 cup per load

I am working on getting my friend's recipe and will update when I do so.

I am not quite sure which one I will do yet... I am thinking maybe the one from Suddenly Frugal because I already have all the ingredients. I am not too excited about sitting down to grate some bar soap but I will do it to try it. I am excited to see how it compares to what we have been using for some time, off- brand Tide. I looked into the castile soap from the recipe in Make Your Place and found some at the local health food shop but it was liquid, not powder. I might have to get some shipped.

Either way, I am experimenting to find the most healthy, cost effective and easy way to wash my clothes and keep anyone of my kids from being the "smelly kid." This makes doing laundry that much more exciting!

Feeling a little loser-y

2011-03-07T20:35:00.000-08:00

It's Monday, and the start of a new week. I am taking advantage of some "me" time although I am guilt-ridden that I should be sleeping. I am watching Julie & Julia with Amy Adams and Meryl Streep and it is pretty good. Feel-good.

I am feeling like kind of a loser right now for some reason. I just have an all-over yuck feeling about a lot of stuff. This weekend we went out and got some new shelving units. This helped the house to look better but it still looks like a semi-disaster area. I am ready to throw my whole house in a metal trash can in the middle of my living room and set it on fire. I am so over stuff I can't tell you. I have so much stuff that I don't need and stuff that I don't know why I keep around and stuff that I know why I keep it around but I still shouldn't be keeping it. I have my own house to deal with and mom's place. Of course there are things from my mom's that I want to keep just because they remind me of her. While that is not a good reason, it is.

I feel aimless about what is next for me. There are things I want to write, sew, create, do with my children, my husband, my friends, movies I want to see, places I want to go. But somehow, each day comes and goes in the same way. I want to do something impactful and inspirational and meaningful. I want to do something that makes my soul sing. I know that this is just a down-time and that soon, I will be on the up-swing again. I am longing for those days to arrive.

It is always hard to say was triggers these moods. I kind of feel like I want to crawl up with a blankie next to my husband and stay there for a while. It might have been church yesterday.

As I nursed my daughter in the prayer chapel at church on Sunday, I read the "praise quilt" where people post things they are thankful for on little scraps of fabric. I saw one that looked familiar. I got up, unrolled the fabric and read "Thank God for my cancer, I realize how great our God is. Judy P." If you don't know, Judy is my mother who passed away from ovarian cancer in December. I didn't even make it through the message before I started to cry my eyes out. I guess I just feel sad, very sad. I miss her so much. I am hurt for so many reasons I don't know where to start. Mom was too young to die. I am too young to be without any parents. My children are going to miss out on grandma Judy. I hate that she suffered. I hate that I couldn't stop it or take it away. This process that damaged me so deeply I feel irreparable. Will it ever end? Or do I fear more the day that I think of mom and my eyes don't well up? Some days it is more than I can take.

What got me the most about mom's note on the praise quilt was that she was doing exactly what she was supposed to do. She was thanking God for something that brought her closer to Him. It is beautiful and tragic that she is still teaching me even in her death.

Despite all of this, I am hopeful. If only just a little. Now I am going to dry my eyes, blow my nose and sleep until the baby hears me get into bed and get comfortable.

Precious moments

2011-03-05T20:48:00.000-08:00

Tonight I had a wonderful opportunity to put my daughter Sofia to bed. A lot of times my husband and I split the duty, I take little Leila and Jamie takes Sofia. Tonight it worked out for me to put Sofia to bed. She and I usually cuddle up together and we say some prayers. I always ask her if there is something or someone else she wants to pray for. Tonight we were going through the grandmas. Here is how it went down:

Mom: is there anyone else you want to pray for?

Sofia: and... grandma Judy! And grandma Ann and grandma Di...

Mom: and grandma B? Grandma Drake?

Sofia: ...and grandma B and Grandma Drake that she not sick. Is grandma Drake sick, mommy?

Mom: Well, she was sick the other day, that's why we couldn't have dinner together. But I think she is all better now.

Sofia: She had an ouchie?

Mom: Her belly just hurt a little bit, but I think it is better now.

Sofia: She has a baby in there, mom?

Mom: (chuckle) No, honey, I think she just ate something that made her belly feel yucky.

Sofia: Oh.

I love that my little girl can talk now and we can have conversations like this one. Moments like these I wish I could bottle forever. Sofia, thanks for being my girl!

Feelin' like a nat-ur-al woman!

2011-03-05T15:17:00.000-08:00

Ok, so this is follow-up from my post a couple of days ago about using myself as a guinea pig for natural cures. I have some good news... I am feeling much better!

For the past two days I have been doing the nasal irrigation twice a day and also taking 2 tbsp of the apple cider vinegar twice a day. By the way, do not do this close to bedtime or on a completely empty stomach :) By the morning of the second day I felt significantly better. My mucus (sorry) was thinner and clearer and by gums didn't hurt anymore. My headache that I had had for almost 2 weeks even subsided. Now, I am working on a slightly runny nose and that is it- AMAZING!

Since the other day, I have also had a chance to page through Make Your Place some more. It is brilliant and super exciting that, if you have a heart for it, you can take back your life from harmful chemicals in commercial products. I want to try some things first and then I may post some of Raleigh Briggs' great ideas from the book.

More later! Yay for good health!

To the God of small favors

2011-03-03T19:10:00.000-08:00

"Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart"

Psalm 37:4

God is so good.

I am a part of a wonderful bible study and we are currently working through the Mind of Christ by T.W. Hunt. We are only in the beginning stages of this study which will last a couple of months but it is already transforming me by getting me to examine myself better. The idea is to order your mind so that it jives with what Christ would have it to be and to recognize those things that are red flags as they pop up. It's a lifelong process.

I have been so caught up in life lately that although it seems like I am close to God in my periphery, when I really think about it, I haven't been taking the time that I should to just be with God. So last night before bed I just cried out to Him. Sometimes I get in to a past way of thinking that says that God doesn't care about my little stuff. That is wrong. God does care. So, I cried out to him about my daughter Leila and her sleep. I am overwhelmed because, while she is a better sleeper than Sofia ever was, her sleep pattern doesn't allow me to get much done during the day or at night. I told God all about it and asked for time and better sleep for us both.

I woke up this morning after some serious sleeping. Leila and I worked together really well last night in terms of feedings and that made a huge difference. Have you ever slept so hard that when you wake up your body feels heavy and one of your limbs is asleep? That was me this morning. Leila slept in even after I got up and that gave me some good one-on-one time with Sofia and we got to eat breakfast together. During the day, Leila slept for about an hour while we were at the store. Then, during Sofia's nap, Leila and I laid down together. I napped for an hour (which was AWESOME!) and Leila napped for 3 hours! AMAZING! I don't think she has ever napped that long before.

I recognize this as an answer to prayer from my God that does care about my small stuff. I want to encourage you to cry out about your small stuff to God. Do not get stuck doing stuff on your own. Draw close to God, especially at your weak points and God will grab hold with open arms. May you be blessed!

"Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need."

Hebrews 4:16

"But He said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for My power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore, I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest upon me."

2 Corinthians 12:9

I'm going natural, people!

2011-03-03T15:43:00.000-08:00

Over that past couple of years I have been going more and more in the direction of natural living. Basically, I am over being a slave to corporations and their products that I believe really don't have the consumer's best interest in mind. And, as you can imagine, after going through the chemo experience with my mom and seeing the affects it had on her, I now have less and less faith in doctors and conventional medicine and more faith in God and the things that He created for us to fight illness, disease, etc. Having said all of this, put me in coach! I have a sinus infection and I am putting all my chips in for a natural recovery.

I looked up "natural sinus infection remedies" online and found a very helpful site called earthclinic.com (http://www.earthclinic.com/CURES/sinus_infection.html for sinus infection search). The first thing that I saw was about apple cider vinegar. I have known several people that take this religiously everyday. From what I have read about it, I figured it couldn't hurt so... I drank some. Although best taken at the first signs of possible infection, I took it as someone who has been struggling for days now. It says to take 1/4 cup in 16 oz of water and drink throughout the day or take 2 tbsp in 8 oz and go for it. I went for it. I can't really smell or taste right now but what I could taste was kind of like throwing up in reverse. Don't let this deter you! My husband is going to man-up with me and if it works- it might become part of our everyday diets.

Being a nursing mom really throws a wrench in personal health care, as some remedies do not have any data on how it could affect baby, milk supply, etc. I found some additional remedies that I plan to try and are safe for me and baby:

*Placing warm compresses on the face
*Drinking plenty of hot beverages (not coffee) throughout the day
*Doing a nasal rinse (like the neti pot)

If you have never done a nasal rinse, it is worth a try! I discovered the neti pot from a friend a couple years ago. Between that and Emergen-C, I can usually kick an oncoming cold pretty quick. You can pick up a neti pot at a health food shop or Wal-mart and it is worth the purchase. The first time I rinsed it was kind of reminiscent of the time I almost drowned at the lake when I was 4, however, I have refined my neti-pot skills and it is actually enjoyable now. The key is to use water that is a little warmer than luke warm, to make sure the solution you use is dissolved and to tilt your head as far on the side as you can.

Over the next few days I am going to be as diligent as possible to do all of these things and kick it. I will write back to let everyone know if I was victorious or not.

A must-have-on-hand, Make Your Place by Raleigh Briggs

Lastly, a book review. Today, my friend Kate let me borrow a book called Make Your Place: affordable, sustainable nesting skills by Raleigh Briggs. It is ultra-fantastic! It has all kinds of recipes for cleaners, laundry detergent, toothpaste and more. It talks about essential oils, tinctures, gardening, composting and much more. I LOVE IT! See it at http://microcosmpublishing.com/catalog/books/2333/

Leila, you got me on my knees...

2011-03-02T13:48:00.000-08:00

...praying to God you'll sleep... Leila!

Leila is my dear 7 1/2 month old daughter, also known as little sweetie, cream pie, little glo worm, brutus magutus, Leilers and occasionally, little stink face. The last one really isn't as harsh as it seems when you combine a cute baby with a poopy diaper and baby talk, really. I hope she sees it differently but I feel like her whole life has been kind of crazy. I don't know if this is really a post about my daughter Leila or a post about having two children close together. Either way, I hope someone can pick up what I'm putting down.

My pregnancy with Leila was joyful and fearful. I found out I was pregnant with Leila on November 13. We were so happy because we had lost a baby at 7 weeks at the beginning of September. I was sick like with Sofia and scared for a while because I didn't want to lose this baby too. In the end we made it just fine and after a carefully planned birth, I had Leila on July 17. I had her totally naturally and it was a very empowering, amazing and totally wack-a-do experience. I was exhausted after being up all night and when I finally got hold her I just felt overwhelmingly overwhelmed. Ug. I loved her but I was thinking to myself "who is this new kid?" "how am I going to recover and take care of two kids?" "when can I sleep?". After some personal complications, I left the hospital and began to work on my new "normal."

At about 2 1/2 weeks Leila started with some crazy reflux and colic. I remember being on the way into the grocery and she just started to spit up EVERYTHING in her stomach and then some. It drenched her clothes, the car seat cover and actually drained through the car seat and onto the pavement. It freaked me out big time. The colic period was from 9pm to midnight or later every night like clock work. We heard from someone that taking her to the chiropractor might help with both the reflux and colic so we did, and it helped! The reflux never came back after the first appointment and the colic peaked at 6 weeks then disappeared. Now Leila is a pretty good sleeper... she just gets up a lot at night still!

After things started to settle in that way, my mom fell ill again. She was at the hospital for almost a month exactly and then went into home hospice care at my dear sister's house. So from the beginning of September to mid- December me and my girls woke up everyday, got around and left for either the hospital or my sister's house. I basically moved in to my sister's house. Each day I took care of my recently potty trained toddler, my needy infant daughter and my dying mother. It was the most taxing, exhausting, emotionally annihilating time in my life. It's important to note here that if given the opportunity to do it again-- I would, in a heart beat. My mother and daughters are that important to me. My mother passed on December 15 and I am still grieving.

Now I can't believe that Leila is going to be 8 months. I feel like I have been so mentally strained between making sure that everyone is bathed and has eaten and has snacks and grief and everything else that I don't feel like I've been entirely present. But maybe I am being too hard on myself and this is just what having a second child (I keep saying second child- my second child, I also have my stepson) is like. I am glad to report that at this point I am keeping up in the baby book and with picture taking. Leila is no less special just because she is my second child. Leila has a very light-hearted and fun spirit. She is demanding and intense and stong. She is not a little squirt like Sofia- she is long and the weight of Sofia as a 1 year old. When she wants something, you know it. When I walk out of the room, she cries. She loves her mother, what can I say? Her comfort is to "paw" at my face and chest which usually ends in an involuntary blood draw. She is kind of the family goat right now, eating everything (especially paper) in sight. She is doing some serious army crawling, determined to get in to stuff she is not allowed to get in to. Leila is happy and giggly but very intense. And I love her so much. She is so special to me, just like Sofia, but in her own way. I can't wait to see the girl she is growing up to be :)

TGIM: Thank God It's March!

2011-03-01T13:35:00.000-08:00

Yay! Welcome to March! I woke up today at the crack of 7am and the sun was already trying to shine. I love sun- everything is better when the sun is shining. I had an open day today so I... went to the hospital to eat? Yes. My mom used to work at a local hospital in the nutritional services area. Before my mom went into home hospice care last fall, she had about a month stay at this hospital which meant me and my sisters spent a lot of time there. The cafe staff was more than hospitable and always took great care of us. After mom passed they put up a very special memorial in the hospital chapel in her honor. My heart aches right now recounting it. It was beautiful and so special. Every now and then I take the girls to have lunch at the cafe and they still take great care of us. It is a way, I guess, for them to honor a woman they worked with and cared for, by caring for her family in the wake of her passing. They also have GREAT food. Today I had a turkey sandwich on a pretzel bun with jalapeno red pepper mayo and veggies. Sofia had "Dino nuggets" and orange slices and Leila ate an orange slice (surprisingly well) and some homemade apple carrot oatmeal. It was busy but good and I felt close to mom by being there.

After the hospital I went to the grocery. Not something that is a good idea to do with two small children (which is something I never think about until I am super frazzled) but I worked it. I can't tell if more people give me to "poor woman" look or the "stupid woman" look but either way, I am too busy tending to the kids and trying not to forget something that I don't even notice half the time. Today a woman told me that seeing my beautiful children made her day. I thought that was cool and her comment counteracted my frazzle meter which was trying to sky-rocket. In the end I made it to my car in one piece... or three pieces, however you want to look at it.

Tonight: continue a fight against the illness running rampant through my family, fix and eat dinner, grab a watch battery so I can finally know what day it is and cuddle with my honey. Oh, and ignore about a hundred and fifty things that need to be done around the house. Yea, that sounds about right.

Me: Let's get this out of the way

2011-02-28T18:12:00.000-08:00

It is kind of a bummer to talk about yourself. When someone asks me to tell them a bit about myself (think interview), I never know where to start. Do I give a life story? Focus on the triumphs over adversity? Make up something more interesting? Ha ha. I am going to give it a shot- if anyone is reading this at least they should know a little about the Holy Housewife!

I am a stay at home mother of three. I spend my days with my daughters, Sofia and Leila, 2 1/2 and 7 months respectively. My stepson, Luke, is a big-time fourth grader. My beautiful husband is a high school Spanish teacher. Together, they are the loves of my life.

In December, I lost my mother to ovarian cancer. The grief is overwhelming at times and I miss her still. I imagine the missing may go on forever. She was one of my very best friends. I guess you could say that now I am a functioning basket case.

Outside of my current feelings of identity crisis, there are, in fact, things that define me. I went to school for fashion design and do consider myself somewhat of a designer/seamstress on the side. My big-deal project right now is a wedding dress for a friend. I think it is going well and can't wait to deliver the final product :). My husband and I love indie music... and I love anything that makes me want to dance. Before I hit my next big milestone birthday I want to take a hip hop dance class and learn to break dance. I am definitely a glass half full person but also seasonally affected...so.. I am glass mostly full from April to December and glass totally empty from January to March. It's March tomorrow so I am pumped about that.

I was raised catholic but departed, if you will, after high school. At college, I went through a very trying "desert time." It was a time in which I felt alone and lonely, and like I didn't fit in with anyone. I missed my family, my friends and who is now my husband. I found a church that was non-denominational and spoke to me in a way that I could hear. Now, God is a huge part of my everyday and I wouldn't want to have it differently. More on this later.

Now you know a little bit about me and we have something to build on. This is good.

Holy Housewife, Batman! Here we blog again...

2011-02-27T20:26:00.000-08:00

Welcome to my blog, The Holy Housewife! This blog is an outpouring of my random and intentional spirit. It has been a long time coming and I figure now is the time to give it life. It's a blog about being a stay at home mom, family, relationships, friends, do-it-yourself fun stuff, parenting, fashion, and very importantly, faith. I want my words to make other people feel like they aren't crazy because someone else feels the same way. It's a great feeling to be validated through community with others. It won't take you long to question my holiness, but that's the point. I am not perfect but life is a journey so here we go.... enjoy!