Busy, busy!

It's finally time to rest. I have been busting my tail on a beautiful dress for a beautiful bride.... and it's done! I can't show as much as I would like because I don't want the groom-to-be to have a spoiled surprise.

I have been working with my friend for a while and this project has followed me through my daughter Leila's first year (birth, colic, sleeplessness), my mother's dying and death, everyday trials, the gloomiest and rainiest spring ever, my sister's cancer diagnosis, and more. I am so glad that we have made it to the other side. :)

Coming later- pictures of her wedding hat and more pics of the dress. Stay tuned!

Good ol' gardening

I wouldn't exactly say that I have a green thumb. I usually go about 90 percent of the way and then make some fatal error... like not replanting fast enough... or leaving seedlings out in a severe thunderstorm to be blown to smithereens. Whatever. Good thing I have a husband who is pretty good! Here are some things we have going right now:

Peas! Our peas are wild and super-yummy. If you have never grown peas before- do so right now! They are a cool weather crop so you can start them in spring or fall. They produce a lot and they taste better than anything you can find in the stores.

Gardening really makes me realize how small I am and how big God is. Looking at a plant like the peas, you can see how beautifully and wonderfully they were designed. They climb up the fencing, throwing out little lines to latch on to the fence and each other. Then they bloom some beautiful white flowers and out of the flowers come yummy edible goodness whose health benefits are off the charts. Amazing!

Zucchini! We have several zucchini plants going right now and if things go as last year, we will have zucchini coming out of our ears anytime. They are amazing too- they will grow full size in 1-2 days. Don't turn your back on them!

You live and you learn.... we tried to relocate this rogue squash plant that started growing in our pepper bed from composted material but within minutes it looked like this- wilty leaves and just plain sad. Kind of sucks but what do you do?

Last year we participated in a CSA or community supported agriculture program with a local organic farm. We are not going to participate this year because we have increased our garden and to be honest, it was hard to keep up before things went bad! In one of our boxes last year we got some lemon balm, which, before that, I never knew existed. I totally heart it and was just thinking about how I would like to have some for my garden but I was thinking it was too late. Well, look what I found in my pea bed! Lemon balm! The best part about it is that I recognized it myself! Note to those just starting out in the garden thing- mint, lemon balm and oregano are all in the same family. Put them somewhere where you don't mind them taking over because they will. They will also come back year after year- awesome!



Toddler-ese



Sofia being totally silly, like usual

My darling daughter Sofia really had us going the other day. Luke was doing some reading, my husband Jamie was at the computer and I was sitting on the floor folding laundry when Sofia comes in and tells me she lost her "crama." Here is how it went down:

Sofia: Momma, I lost my crama.

Me: Your Grandma? Grandma Judy? Yea, honey, she is in heaven, remember?

Sofia: No, not my Grandma, my crama.

Me: Your crayon?

Luke: Sofia, what did you lose?

Sofia: My crama, I don't know where it is!

Luke: Your crayon?

Sofia: No!

Luke: (odd look to me) Your Grandma?

Sofia: No!

Me: (Luke and I ready to bust out laughing anytime) Your cranberry?

Sofia: NO! My CRAMA! Can you help me find it?

Jamie: (to Luke and I) Will you guys quit?

Me: (to Sofia) Honey, I am sorry but I don't understand you. What color is your "crama?"

Sofia: It is pink and has princesses on it.

Me: Where did you have it last?

Sofia: I don't know!

Luke: (getting a total kick out of this toddler-ese) What's it called again? (snicker) Your crayon?

Sofia: It's my CRAMA!

Eventually we just had to let it go because we really had no idea what she was talking about. A day later she comes up to me and says "I found it, momma!".....

It was her CAMERA the whole time! Ha!

Anniversary dress

A little something I threw together for my anniversary...

The top is black linen-like fabric and mustard colored micro suede and the bottom is actually supposed to be made into curtains I think.... I love home dec fabrics for clothing!

Funny story: I put the dress on and walk around a bit before leaving. Jamie doesn't say anything so I am thinking that he doesn't like it. So I say "You didn't say anything about my dress." He says "oh, you made it? Where is it?" I was like, "I am wearing it!" As it turns out, he thought I bought it. I guess that it a bit of a compliment in itself :)

Lamby

When my mom was sick, someone had given her a stuffed healing lamb. Mom used to sit on the couch with it, sleep with it, everything. So when my mom's best friend Susan was diagnosed with cancer, mom ended up giving Susan her healing lamb. A while later, Susan bought her a replacement, also known as "Lamby."

When mom passed we set Lamby up on her casket. I even told the people from the funeral home that the lamb could rest with mom. Somehow, it ended up in the bottom of the bag with some other keepsakes and belongings we received after the burial. What a gift- mom must have know that "Lamby" would soon have another calling in life.

I hid Lamby for a while because I didn't want it getting lost or destroyed by one of the kids.... and it smelled just like mom. There were several times that I would smell it and then burst into tears. The memory of smell is so amazing.

One day I was holding Leila and I went into my closet to get something from my supplies and Leila spotted Lamby and just about jumped out of my arms in excitement- as if Lamby were a long-lost friend- she kicked and laughed and grabbed for her. What was I to do? I could see how happy she was and so I gave it to her. She grabbed it and held it and rubbed her face on it and wouldn't let it go. It was so adorable and strange- she had never acted like that before towards any of the other hundreds of stuffies we have.

Now she doesn't go anywhere without it. She eats with it (unfortunately, notice the cheerios):

and sleeps with it and crawls with it and has to have it in the car... and library... and store. She even ended up accidentally throwing it in the trash yesterday. I was so thankful I had just changed the bag!  I looked online for a back-up yesterday just in case it ever comes up missing.

Part of my sadness and grief has always been that my girls wouldn't get to know my mom. How beautiful it is that in little and big ways she remains in our lives and how a little stuffed lamb that brought her comfort so many times is now doing the same for her granddaughter.

God, did you plan this? Man, you are good!

A God-cation?

I had every intention of writing about this a couple of weeks ago after I actually experienced it. I guess it took me some time to process it.

If you have read some of my other posts, you probably get what has been going on in my life over the past 6 months. Hands down, it has been the most challenging I have ever experienced to this point. It's all relative, I guess. I have felt deep, deep sadness and grief over the loss of my mom. I have felt depression, despair, heartbreak, overwhelmed, anxiety, confusion and so much more. I have felt happiness and joy but only in little spurts that don't stay very long. Everyday has been a clear opportunity to draw near to God and stay put in His presence. It truly has been my refuge during this time.

Two weeks ago I had a beautiful opportunity to take a vacation without leaving the farm, if you know what I mean. It is very hard to explain and some reading this will think I am a little coo-coo. But I am not. I believe that God gave me a vacation from life for a whole week without ever leaving my home or town. Let me explain.

I woke up on Monday and just felt really good and calm. For the whole week I felt this way- a very odd feeling for me. On Monday night I had the dream that I shared in a different post about my mom playing with my girls. On Tuesday morning I woke up with a heart full and overflowing with thankfulness and joy for God and the gift that He gave me through that dream. All week long I was super-patient with my girls (sorry, I would love to say that I am a beacon of light for my children at all times but....) and when Jamie and I weren't exactly on the same page with things, it just rolled right off and didn't phase me. I just had a very extraordinarily positive view about....well, everything. I spent time with friends just living in the moment. I took a meal to a friend who just had a baby. It was awesome. When things kind of went back to normal the following week, what had happened the week before became very obvious and stunning. It was a God-thing.

I deserve nothing. I haven't been mother, wife, sister, daughter, friend or anything else, of-the-year. This has been a very needy and humbling season in my life. For God to display His mercy on me in a way that freed me from my everyday burdens without actually taking me out of my everyday- wow! Really, amazing. I could cry just talking about it. I am nothing but God, my creator, believes I am something. He took time out of His busy schedule to carry me for a week.

My heart pours out right now as I share about this week that I had. The God that we have is one of love and personal relationships. He cares about our little stuff. And our big stuff. He knows this life is tough and that is why He offers peace that we can't possibly understand.

Amen!

Number 4, baby!

Yesterday, the love of my life, my partner and best friend, my husband Jamie, and I, (man, a lot of commas probably used inappropriately) celebrated 4 years of marriage. The girls and I took a bouquet of flowers to him at school during lunch. We intended on bringing him some fresh fruit also but, because I have two kids and not enough hands for anything else, I dropped all but 2 chunks of pineapple in the parking lot. So, I actually brought him a bouquet of flowers and 2 chunks of pineapple. Happy Anniversary!

Four years ago I had just graduated college and was preparing for my wedding three weeks later. Our wedding was beautiful and I have very few regrets (only about a tablecloth mix-up and something else I can't remember now). It was outdoors in a rose garden and the sun was shining. It almost rained and then it didn't. The ceremony was short but sweet and God was there with us. My mom walked me down the aisle as she has always been both mom and dad to me. The reception went by so fast. I remember dancing and eating a little- we had a tex-mex buffet. I am still hearing about the tex-mex buffet. We did our wedding our way and on a budget and it was awesome.

It is amazing how quickly the time has flown by but how long it feels. So much has changed. Twelve days after our first anniversary we welcomed our first child, Sofia. A month after our third anniversary last year we welcomed our second child, Leila. Mom fell ill last fall and passed in December.  Life looks all different now but we press on, together. I am so thankful to have someone to press-on with.

To my dearest Jamie:

I love laughing with you, staying up too late to watch ACL or SNL, holding your hand in the car, our dates to Target and Chipotle, sharing a love for books, paper and writing utensils and summers together. What a time we have had darling! But like we always say, at least we can experience life's adventures together, good or bad. I wouldn't trade my traveling buddy for anything. I think you are beautiful and we are going to make it. Thank you for being my rock and my heart, my love and everything I need. I love you more today than I have ever before. Happy Anniversary, baby!