I feel like crap.
And because this is my blog and you have elected to read it (sorry and thank you), here is a list of what I feel like crap about:
1. My mom. I miss her so much. I ask myself all the time when things will be better and seem ok again. The thing is, some days I feel ok that she is gone and other days feel like she died yesterday. Today is one of those days. I need her today, because I feel like I don't have anyone else.
2. The ex-files. Enough said.
3. Toddler teething. I truly feel like Leila wants to crawl back up where she came from and live there. Thankfully now she can say "momma" so I definitely know it is me she wants and not someone else. Yay!
4. Bad girl Sofia. She has been getting into everything and doing things that she knows are bad. It's as if she is not in control of her own body. This is a new phase for us, and I don't like it.
5. "Why, mom?" "Why?" "WHY?" WHY? WHYWHYWHY aaahhhhhhhhhhhh!
6. Probably PMS too. Who knows?
7. Comparing myself to others
8. The beginning of the end of summer
9. Coming off of 3 days by myself with the kids
10. Having to ask my children 152 times to do anything and have them ignore me like I never said anything
11. Humidity that makes it hard to breathe
12. Toxic relationships
13. The perpetually untidy house. Scratch that, a house that the only way it would truly be clean would be for it to be bulldozed and built new on top. Nevertheless, I remain thankful (sometimes through gritted teeth).
14. Not being on the same page with the love of my life
15. Getting up 4 times a night and hearing about all these other moms who have children who have been sleeping through the night since...FOREVER.
I think that might be it. Number one is just amplified by all the other little ones. It was always her and me. And now it's just me. And some days I don't want to put on my big girl panties. I want to crawl in a hole and cry. That was today- minus that hole.
Looking forward to a new beginning tomorrow. Sorry for the sad, drab post :(
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