Food diary of the scared to die

I gotta tell you, that title took me a while....

Me, my sister Lisa and niece Whitley

In my last post I mentioned how my sister Lisa was diagnosed with breast cancer last week. This came as a shock given the fact that I'm not done grieving my mom's death, and neither are my sisters. Through my mom's experience my sister has done a lot of research about cancer, treatment methods conventional and non-conventional, etc. She has made the decision to not take any conventional action right now, not surgery, not radiation, not chemotherapy. She is on a super-duper cancer fighting vegan diet with other supplements in hopes that it will create an environment where cancer cannot survive or prosper. This might sound like a death sentence to people who have only known conventional treatment or know little about cancer. It is not. If you stop and think and drown out the noise of the conventional medical system (where profit plays a role), it makes all the sense in the world to put only good stuff in your body to fight cancer. It is a risk but people who do conventional treatment die everyday. My mom was an example.
With that being said, I have decided to make some drastic changes to my diet as well, to come along side my sister. Here are some things I am doing or eating now:

• Drinking water and 100% fruit and veggie juices, no pop
• As much organic raw veggies and fruits as possible, or frozen but not canned (I have read that most cans are lined with a BPA plastic which can get into the food)
• Organic brown rice, not white rice
• Whole grain pastas
• Almond butter instead of peanut butter
• Continuing with organic milk (looking into raw milk)
• Making my own soups and sauces
• Staying away from high fructose corn syrup, aspartame and MSG
• Doing my best to stay away from anything in the processed food aisles between the dairy and the produce
• Very limited sugar intake
• Looking into getting grass-fed meats
• No processed meats

Another thing I did was get rid of anything that I didn't want to snack on. It usually happens around 2 or 3pm and 10:30pm when I get the "snackies." I reach for something easy which is usually junk. It only leaves me feeling like I want more. And because I am an emotional eater anyway, this really was not good. So I threw those things out.

Another challenge has been having stuff that my kids will eat but not have junk around. I realized that my kids have the habits they do because they have watched me eat in front of them for their whole lives. When I am eating a piece of chocolate and Sofia looks at me, squints her eyes and says, "please can I have some chocolate, mommy?" what am I to do? If I don't have junk in my house I won't be lying when I tell my kids I don't have any treats but they can have a piece of fruit. I can do it! So can you!

So, this is day three and I feel good. Here is what I have eaten for the last three days:

Day 1: Breakfast: blueberry bagel with almond butter and milled flax seed with a tiny bit of apricot preserves, a banana and some watermelon. Lunch: Chicken salad with low mayo and steamed veggies mix. Dinner: Turkey burgers on whole wheat buns, veggie salad and baked sweet potato fries.

Day 2: Breakfast: Oatmeal and fruit. Lunch: Rosemary chicken salad on wheat, orange pepper slices and watermelon, sun chips. Dinner: Caesar salad and bread (catered meal I helped serve at church, not the best pick) and apple juice.

Day 3: Breakfast: Egg white bagel sandwich and orange juice. Lunch: Tuna salad on whole wheat, sugar snap peas and strawberry/blueberry mix.

This might not seem very drastic but just the amount of stuff I am not snacking on during the day is serious and to my benefit.

I am trying not to get crazy or stress out about it. I understand that a lot of stuff in my life is totally out of my control. I understand I am not my mother or my sister. I also understand, though, that if I can make some positive changes in my life with something that is in my control, I should do it. There is no time to waste! I guess you could say I am scared to death to continue eating like crap. If you eat like crap, you should be too.

Today, take a look at your life to see where you can make some positive changes and go for it. This is it, you have one life.

Sisters

The other day I caught my daughters like this and thought it was so sweet. This is what a I wanted- to have daughters so that they could be sisters like I have sisters. I hope they remain buddies foreverly.

When my husband and I started thinking about children, I had sort of an anxiety. I was ready to have children but I was not ready (or so I thought) to have a little boy, and as you know, you can't really choose ahead of time. Little girls, no problem- I was a little girl once, I grew up with sisters, I had a mom, etc. I didn't know a thing about boys.... only that I had a stepson with whom I had a roller coaster of a relationship. I never had a dad around, he was killed when I was 5 months old. My mom was married once but before I was born and she didn't date a whole lot when I was around.

We found out what we were having with both pregnancies. I was excited with both, although surprised with Leila because I was certain she was a he. As it turns out my darling girls both look just like each other and just like their dada, which isn't too bad since he is a good lookin' guy :)

I love to watch their budding relationship day to day. Sofia and Leila greet each other after a night's sleep as if it has been ten years since they have seen each other. I have had to get on Sofia more about smothering Leila with hugs and kisses than for kicking her in the heard, or putting a bucket on her head and then beating on it, like the other night. I can tell already that they love each other and I am so excited for their relationship as they grow. I know there will be some pretty intense drama times but when the dust settles, they will have each other and I am thankful for that.

Me with my sisters Sondra, Aisha and Lisa on Easter

Like I was saying before, I have three sisters of my own. We have a very interesting family dynamic. My two older sisters, Sondra (44) and Lisa (41), are "true" sisters of the same mother and father. My sister Aisha (31) right above me is from a different father, as am I. From an objective standpoint, I am sure it looks funny but it's not too much different than many families today, good or bad. It has always been my sisters and my mom for me. The dads were never around and after my dad died, I think it was hard for my mom to get back into it.

We have always been very close and I have learned to love my sisters for the unique people they are.

Sondra and I's relationship has been a long time coming. She is 18 years older than I am so I actually ended up being closer to my niece (who is 3 years younger than me) for most of my life. When I think of her, I think about how her personality shines. She is easy to talk to, outgoing and hilarious. I used to love when she and my mom would get together because they fed off each other amazingly and someone would always end up peeing their pants. I have always felt like maybe my opinion didn't matter too much because I am a lot younger. Now that I am an adult and I have a family of my own, we can relate better and I look forward to what our relationship has in store.

My sister Lisa and I have always been very close. I cried at her wedding because I thought I would never see her again. I had morning sickness with her when she was sick with her first son, Jesse. She sowed so many seeds of faith within me that I hold her responsible for where I am today in that way. We walked together, caring for mom in her illness. We just found out last week that she has breast cancer. So we begin a new walk together. Her light shines and I am so glad it has shown on me.

I could write a memoir of my relationship with Aisha and people would laugh, cry, and be in awe. Growing up, she was the person I looked up to... and the person from who I learned what not to do. I loved riding around in the car with her and her friends and bumping some loud music (play Fugees here). I could bore you with stories of her tying me to chairs and locking me in the basement, but I will spare you. Now that we are older, she is one of my best friends. She truly appreciates my nerdiness and I, hers. She cracks me up and it feels good to laugh. I am so excited to see her emerge from a previous life to a new beginning.  

I don't pretend to know God's plan for me- I am definitely not big enough. However, I am so glad that God has surrounded me by a beautiful pack of women and given me daughters to train into beautiful women as well.