It takes a village

I found this picture and thought to myself- how perfect. It is an amazingly beautiful picture of probably a grandmother with her grandchild or great-grandchild. Look at the difference in skin. Have you ever thought about how similar people are in their first years of life and last years of life? I think that is interesting.

It Takes a Village

In my life I have heard the saying "it takes a village to raise a child" many, many times. It was not until I was older and now have a family of my own that I really understand what that means and how true it is.

When I was about 7 months pregnant I felt called to be an advocate at a local organization that provides assistance, support and education to woman who are pregnant and their families. I wasn't really sure about it but I went through with the training. I know for sure now that it was a total God-thing. My volunteering there has grown in my heart a serious love for mothers and children- one I never knew I had before. I have heard the advocate coordinator say before that she believes that God sends specific people through the doors of the organization to talk to specific people there. I believe it. I have met some very beautiful, very broken women. Some with great support systems and some with none. Some who are married and some who have several children by several different people. Whatever it is, the joy that fills my heart to be able to share a glimpse of hope with them is immeasurable. My experiences have really got me thinking, where is this so called village?

In the age of facebook, twitter, myspace, cell phones, status updates, email, etc., we are a nation of comfortable communication. 93% of what we say is non-verbal communication such as body movement, facial expression and eye movement. If we are doing most of our communication through means other than face to face, we are losing a lot of communication. The above mentioned kind of communication is easy. We can fake happiness, excitement, sadness or sympathy over the phone or in an email. I am sure that most of us have at one point or another. The greatest problem is that it is damaging our relationships by keeping everyone a computer screen away.

Here is how this relates to the village. Before the age of computers, women in families actually had to visit each other to find out what was new. They had a meal together and spent time together. Maybe they saw firsthand that a new mom in their family was struggling and found it hard not to offer help. They bonded, experienced community and their children always had someone besides just mom looking after them. Flash forward. A woman and her husband who recently moved to a new town are expanding their family and they have a child. Maybe the woman's mother comes and stays with them for a week at first but then returns home. No need to make the trip for the new mom and dad's siblings (the child's aunts and uncles) because they are keeping up on recent activities and pictures via facebook. The neighbors around them work or have their own children to worry about. See what I am getting at? I don't want to discount the use of the computer and social networking to find other like-minded women. I am a part of some very special groups on facebook that I value dearly.

Another aspect of this is so much bigger. It's getting to be my least favorite time again- election time. Where we watch the people who want to run our country spend unGodly amounts of money on stuff that matters nothing when they could be feeding the poor or housing the homeless or something. It's disgusting. Anyway. I always get honked off that all of the sudden abortion is an issue again. Convenient, eh? Just so that there is no confusion, I am pro-life and I don't identify with any given political party. I hold the idea that if you are truly pro-life then you should also be against the death penalty and for gun control. Most people don't hold these views, I understand. However, back to the point, I find it interesting that people are so concerned about the preborn but once they are born, "you are on your own" and "no way universal health care" and "let's cut funding for welfare." Where is our village? I want to know!

We, in our communities and nationally, need to come together for the good of each other. We need to give people a hand-up and occasionally the hand-out. Especially mothers. Mother's are raising our future workers, teachers, leaders. If we don't start caring for the village, this village will be in ruins. And p.s. you live in it.

If this fires you up, get moving. Look around at how you can support one another. Can you be a support to your own mother or a friend who is a mother? Can you watch your friend's kids so she can have 5 minutes to herself to regroup? Can you encourage someone through a situation they are experiencing that you have already experienced?

Keep your eyes open at the opportunities to start building the village in your community.

Not all of us can do great things. But we can do small things with great love."
-Mother Theresa

A little less wise today

A couple of weeks ago, my impacted wisdom tooth on the lower left side of my mouth flared up. I have had this happen before but it was never this painful. It hurt terribly and the flare up lasted for 5 days- yuck.

I eventually called my dentist and talked to them about the next steps. I am always hesitant to get anything done to my mouth due to a bad experience I had when I was very young. I had this dentist who was enormous (especially due to the fact that I was like, 4 years old!) and had hands that looked like he just got done working on his car before he came into his real job. Yuck. And he didn't wear gloves. It took me like 10 years to get back to the dentist after that.

My dentist, which I love now, referred me to a local oral surgeon. I proceeded to make some calls to the oral surgeon and the insurance company. It was a combination of terrible customer service, waiting time, a whole lot of muzak, and confusion over all that left me in tears. After several more terrible interactions with the oral surgeon, I just wasn't feeling it anymore and asked for a new referral.

I found a new place and today, I had my extraction.

I had my teeth out at 9am and just looked at my watch at 12:49pm and wondered where the last almost 4 hours of my life went. How did I get home? When did I go out? When did my husband do lunch with the girls?

I kind of look like a chipmunk but at least chipmunks are cute :) My beautiful husband just made a special trip to the local Smoothie King to get my Lemon Twist with Strawberry smoothie. It hit the spot for sure. On to recovery....

Memories of momma

Yesterday was Mother's Day. I feel like it was like impending doom all week, knowing that it would come soon enough and I would be reminded of my mom's absence. You won't believe this but I still can't believe she is gone. My heart hurts.

I have gotten to a point now, very recently where I know it's alright to be joyful in my day to day life although I am a mess most of the time. I can have a joyful heart and still a heart that hurts. It does me no good to slump around and give a variety of sad answers to "how are you doing?"

I thought that in honor of Mother's Day I could share with you some memories of my mother...


I remember when I was 3 or 4 and we lived in an apartment. Mom was going to school at the time. I went up to her and ran my little hand into the end of her cigarette. I still have the scar.

I remember being in middle school and coming home one day with my best friend Kirstin and mom was home. She worked a lot and odd hours and sometimes she wasn't home when I would get there. That day she was there.... and she had dinner going... and she bought for me the new backstreet boys cd. It was so special. I remember jammin' to my new cd and dancing around and thinking how out of the ordinary it was and how special that moment was.

I remember moving to Vegas with her. I remember visiting the fashion mall while we were there. I remember our ride home and when she and her cousin Phil got into it because I had to use the bathroom so much and he was tired of stopping. I remember how she picked us up out of the dirt after Vegas and made a new life for us.

I remember when she became my best friend- when I left for college. I missed her so much. I literally talked to her twice a day. She worried about me and I worried about her. I remember the time she came to stay with me in my dorm room and we went to the on campus movie theater and watched Shrek 2 and cracked up. Puss n Boots got us good.

I remember how proud she was of me when I graduated. I was the first in our family.

I remember her on my wedding day. She couldn't have been happier to walk me down the aisle and give me away to Jamie. She loved him so much.

I remember when we used to go to flashbacks (local old-school music playing bar/dance club) for her and my birthdays. She used to work it. She was such a fun dancer and all the younger men would try and dance with her.

I remember how brave she was when she had treatment and when she lost her hair. She wore those head scarfs and we had some good laughs trying on the wigs...

I remember when we took care of her on hospice. I remember Lisa's house and the pumpkins. Then the thanksgiving decor. Then the Christmas tree. I remember how she used to tell Leila that she just wanted to squeeze her when she wasn't even strong enough to hold her. And how, close to the end, she called Sofia over to watch the Mickey Mouse Club on her TV- so they could watch together.

I remember how it looked the morning she passed as I drove to Lisa's, not knowing what I would find. It was beautiful. The snow on the grown sparkled as I drove past. When the sun came up that morning it shown so beautifully into the room where she lay.



Thank you, mom, for having me and training me to be the mother I am for my children. You are not forgotten! Happy Mother's Day.

Sprouting seeds

I am involved in a holistic living group here in town. At our last meeting a lovely woman talked to us about sprouting seeds- who knew? I was very intrigued by this and have finally got on the train to sprout my own.

I am sure you have heard of sprouts- the most "famous" being alfalfa sprouts. If you have never eaten sprouts, now may be a good time to enter them into your diet. Here is why:

• They are an amazing source of nutrients given that they contain everything needed to sustain life
• They have an alkalising effect on the body, working against free radicals (cancer causing agents)
• Aid in controlling hot flashes, PMS, menopause and fibrocystic breast tumors
• Contains highly active antioxidants
• Prevent DNA destruction
• Protects from the effects of aging
• Prevents bone breakdown and osteoporosis
• Contains oxygen for healthy cell life
• Provide living enzymes
• Good source of essential fatty acids
• Being a chlorophyll-rich food they act as a blood cleanser

It's not all about alfalfa sprouts. Other common sprouts are broccoli, radish, various bean sprouts, clover and more. For more information about the different types of sprouts and their benefits, see the following websites:

http://www.herbsarespecial.com.au/free-sprout-information/so-good-sprouts.html
http://www.living-foods.com/articles/sproutbenefits.html
http://www.isga-sprouts.org/

Growing your own sprouts!

Growing your own sprouts is super easy! You don't need anything special- just a jar, a breathable cloth, seeds and water. Here is how you do it:

1. Put 2-3 tablespoons of your favorite sprouting mix/seeds in a jar and cover with cheesecloth or other breathable fabric.

2. Rinse with water and drain. Then fill jar up with water a little above the seeds and soak over night. Dry seeds are dormant. By soaking the seeds, you wake them up.

3. Drain and prop at an angle so leftover water can drain throughout the day.

Prop at an angle to drain

4. Continue to rinse seeds twice/day by swirling seeds with a little filtered water and draining and propping up.

5. Sprout for 4-6 days or until the root is 1-2 inches tall.

6. Rinse and place in fridge to be eaten. Consume within a couple days. Yum!

I grew something- yay sprouts!



You can also purchase a sprouter which helps if this is something you plan to have going all the time. Please check out the website http://sproutpeople.org/ for more information.

Here is to better health!

My green thumb

I don't really have green thumb but I am working on it. Sofia, Luke and I planted these about a month ago. The top row is basil and the bottom row is parsley. I love to watch them curve towards the window in order to catch some better sun. We relate in that way- we LOVE sun!

I am so looking forward to farmer's markets and garden goodies this summer.

Dear Summer:

I know that you are on your way although Mr. Springtime really hasn't brought the sunshine and warm weather like I originally thought he would. I am holding out that in no time we will go from 54 degrees and frigid breezy to 90 degrees, humid as crap and sweltering like only Indiana can really do. I long for you, weather of golden skins, vitamin D to go around and bare feet (and sometimes butts) in the backyard. Come soon! Amen!

Food diary of the scared to die

I gotta tell you, that title took me a while....

Me, my sister Lisa and niece Whitley

In my last post I mentioned how my sister Lisa was diagnosed with breast cancer last week. This came as a shock given the fact that I'm not done grieving my mom's death, and neither are my sisters. Through my mom's experience my sister has done a lot of research about cancer, treatment methods conventional and non-conventional, etc. She has made the decision to not take any conventional action right now, not surgery, not radiation, not chemotherapy. She is on a super-duper cancer fighting vegan diet with other supplements in hopes that it will create an environment where cancer cannot survive or prosper. This might sound like a death sentence to people who have only known conventional treatment or know little about cancer. It is not. If you stop and think and drown out the noise of the conventional medical system (where profit plays a role), it makes all the sense in the world to put only good stuff in your body to fight cancer. It is a risk but people who do conventional treatment die everyday. My mom was an example.
With that being said, I have decided to make some drastic changes to my diet as well, to come along side my sister. Here are some things I am doing or eating now:

• Drinking water and 100% fruit and veggie juices, no pop
• As much organic raw veggies and fruits as possible, or frozen but not canned (I have read that most cans are lined with a BPA plastic which can get into the food)
• Organic brown rice, not white rice
• Whole grain pastas
• Almond butter instead of peanut butter
• Continuing with organic milk (looking into raw milk)
• Making my own soups and sauces
• Staying away from high fructose corn syrup, aspartame and MSG
• Doing my best to stay away from anything in the processed food aisles between the dairy and the produce
• Very limited sugar intake
• Looking into getting grass-fed meats
• No processed meats

Another thing I did was get rid of anything that I didn't want to snack on. It usually happens around 2 or 3pm and 10:30pm when I get the "snackies." I reach for something easy which is usually junk. It only leaves me feeling like I want more. And because I am an emotional eater anyway, this really was not good. So I threw those things out.

Another challenge has been having stuff that my kids will eat but not have junk around. I realized that my kids have the habits they do because they have watched me eat in front of them for their whole lives. When I am eating a piece of chocolate and Sofia looks at me, squints her eyes and says, "please can I have some chocolate, mommy?" what am I to do? If I don't have junk in my house I won't be lying when I tell my kids I don't have any treats but they can have a piece of fruit. I can do it! So can you!

So, this is day three and I feel good. Here is what I have eaten for the last three days:

Day 1: Breakfast: blueberry bagel with almond butter and milled flax seed with a tiny bit of apricot preserves, a banana and some watermelon. Lunch: Chicken salad with low mayo and steamed veggies mix. Dinner: Turkey burgers on whole wheat buns, veggie salad and baked sweet potato fries.

Day 2: Breakfast: Oatmeal and fruit. Lunch: Rosemary chicken salad on wheat, orange pepper slices and watermelon, sun chips. Dinner: Caesar salad and bread (catered meal I helped serve at church, not the best pick) and apple juice.

Day 3: Breakfast: Egg white bagel sandwich and orange juice. Lunch: Tuna salad on whole wheat, sugar snap peas and strawberry/blueberry mix.

This might not seem very drastic but just the amount of stuff I am not snacking on during the day is serious and to my benefit.

I am trying not to get crazy or stress out about it. I understand that a lot of stuff in my life is totally out of my control. I understand I am not my mother or my sister. I also understand, though, that if I can make some positive changes in my life with something that is in my control, I should do it. There is no time to waste! I guess you could say I am scared to death to continue eating like crap. If you eat like crap, you should be too.

Today, take a look at your life to see where you can make some positive changes and go for it. This is it, you have one life.

Sisters

The other day I caught my daughters like this and thought it was so sweet. This is what a I wanted- to have daughters so that they could be sisters like I have sisters. I hope they remain buddies foreverly.

When my husband and I started thinking about children, I had sort of an anxiety. I was ready to have children but I was not ready (or so I thought) to have a little boy, and as you know, you can't really choose ahead of time. Little girls, no problem- I was a little girl once, I grew up with sisters, I had a mom, etc. I didn't know a thing about boys.... only that I had a stepson with whom I had a roller coaster of a relationship. I never had a dad around, he was killed when I was 5 months old. My mom was married once but before I was born and she didn't date a whole lot when I was around.

We found out what we were having with both pregnancies. I was excited with both, although surprised with Leila because I was certain she was a he. As it turns out my darling girls both look just like each other and just like their dada, which isn't too bad since he is a good lookin' guy :)

I love to watch their budding relationship day to day. Sofia and Leila greet each other after a night's sleep as if it has been ten years since they have seen each other. I have had to get on Sofia more about smothering Leila with hugs and kisses than for kicking her in the heard, or putting a bucket on her head and then beating on it, like the other night. I can tell already that they love each other and I am so excited for their relationship as they grow. I know there will be some pretty intense drama times but when the dust settles, they will have each other and I am thankful for that.

Me with my sisters Sondra, Aisha and Lisa on Easter

Like I was saying before, I have three sisters of my own. We have a very interesting family dynamic. My two older sisters, Sondra (44) and Lisa (41), are "true" sisters of the same mother and father. My sister Aisha (31) right above me is from a different father, as am I. From an objective standpoint, I am sure it looks funny but it's not too much different than many families today, good or bad. It has always been my sisters and my mom for me. The dads were never around and after my dad died, I think it was hard for my mom to get back into it.

We have always been very close and I have learned to love my sisters for the unique people they are.

Sondra and I's relationship has been a long time coming. She is 18 years older than I am so I actually ended up being closer to my niece (who is 3 years younger than me) for most of my life. When I think of her, I think about how her personality shines. She is easy to talk to, outgoing and hilarious. I used to love when she and my mom would get together because they fed off each other amazingly and someone would always end up peeing their pants. I have always felt like maybe my opinion didn't matter too much because I am a lot younger. Now that I am an adult and I have a family of my own, we can relate better and I look forward to what our relationship has in store.

My sister Lisa and I have always been very close. I cried at her wedding because I thought I would never see her again. I had morning sickness with her when she was sick with her first son, Jesse. She sowed so many seeds of faith within me that I hold her responsible for where I am today in that way. We walked together, caring for mom in her illness. We just found out last week that she has breast cancer. So we begin a new walk together. Her light shines and I am so glad it has shown on me.

I could write a memoir of my relationship with Aisha and people would laugh, cry, and be in awe. Growing up, she was the person I looked up to... and the person from who I learned what not to do. I loved riding around in the car with her and her friends and bumping some loud music (play Fugees here). I could bore you with stories of her tying me to chairs and locking me in the basement, but I will spare you. Now that we are older, she is one of my best friends. She truly appreciates my nerdiness and I, hers. She cracks me up and it feels good to laugh. I am so excited to see her emerge from a previous life to a new beginning.  

I don't pretend to know God's plan for me- I am definitely not big enough. However, I am so glad that God has surrounded me by a beautiful pack of women and given me daughters to train into beautiful women as well.