I am so thankful for today. I am thankful for these 5 minutes when I can sit and write while the girls are napping. I am thankful for my husband who is working right now to support us. I am thankful that it is spring time. But the thing that really sticks in my head (right now) is that I am thankful that I don't feel like I might puke any second- like I did last night.
I hate to throw-up. Some people are throw-up champs, they can puke and then go right back to it. Not me. It is a feeling that I would rather not ever have again. When I start having that hot/cold yucky stomach feeling I feel like I might have a panic attack on top of it. I think I would rather experience a 17 hour natural labor again than have the pukies. Seriously.
I had a normal day yesterday and felt fine. I went to a volunteer appreciation dinner last night and the food was great- nothing questionable. I got home and was getting the kids around like usual when I got a hot flash and totally felt like I needed to b-line it to the bathroom. I took a shower to see if I could stabilize. It worked for about 10 minutes and then I was back to it. I just felt too hot or too cold and I was shaking. So weird.
Here's where the saving comes in. I immediately started praying. It started out something like "the Lord is my Shepherd... I shall not fear.:" I know that is not exactly the 23rd Psalm but I was doing what I could. I just prayed some more "God, I know that what I have going on is nothing compared to what other people might have going on but I believe you are a healer. I believe you can heal me. I believe you for it." Sometimes it is hard for me to pray for myself. I have learned though, over the years, that all of God's children are special to Him and He cares about our little junk AND He is big enough to handle my little junk and other people's big junk.
I continued feeling yucky and two of the three kids made it to bed before I told my husband it was time to get the puke bowl down. Leila had a hard time settling and after sleeping, waking, crying, sleeping, crying again I went and laid down with Leila to get her to sleep. I felt peaceful, like my system had oddly stabilized. I fell asleep and I feel fine today, knock on wood.
I have never been in the midst of chills where it did not end with me hacking (sorry for the graphic language). But now it has happened! I think it was a healing miracle. It just doesn't make sense. I thank God for hearing my prayers and coming to my aid.
Wednesday, March 30, 2011
Tuesday, March 29, 2011
I have a pound of ground beef.... now what?
Last night for dinner (after the worst day ever... not really, but at the time it seemed that way) I was trying to come up with something to eat with... a pound of ground beef. Burgers? ... no buns. Meatloaf? ... my husband might divorce me. Spaghetti with meat sauce? ... had spaghetti the other day. I was stuck so I went to Google. I love google.
I found a recipe for (ground) beef vegetable and barley soup. It was yum-o! I thought it might be someone else's yum-o tonight so here's the recipe from http://www.groundbeefrecipes.net/:
Hearty Vegetable Barley Soup
I found a recipe for (ground) beef vegetable and barley soup. It was yum-o! I thought it might be someone else's yum-o tonight so here's the recipe from http://www.groundbeefrecipes.net/:
Hearty Vegetable Barley Soup
| Ingredients - |
| 1/2 pound Lean Ground Beef 1/2 cup chopped Onion 2 Garlic cloves, minced 7 cups Water 16 ounces No-Salt Tomatoes, undrained and chopped 1/2 cup Medium Barley 1/2 cup sliced Celery 1/2 cup sliced Carrots 2 Beef Bouillon Cubes 1 teaspoon Basil 1 Bay Leaf 1/4 teaspoon Black Pepper 9 ounces Frozen Mixed Vegetables |
| Preparation: |
| 1. Brown lean ground beef in large saucepan or Dutch oven. Brown beef until no longer pink. 2. Add onions and garlic. Cook until onions are tender. Drain off excess fat. 3. Add water, no-salt tomatoes, barley, celery, carrots, beef bouillon, basil, bay leaf, and black pepper. 4. Bring to a gentle boil. Reduce heat to low and cover. 5. Simmer 40 minutes. Stir occasionally. 6. Add mixed vegetables; cook 10 to 15 minutes until vegetables are tender. 7. Add additional water if soup becomes too thick. Happy eating! |
Thursday, March 24, 2011
Meal idea for the picky eater
My darling daughter Sofia is a very picky eater. The other day I got the idea that if I gave her "cute" food, she might eat it. Funny joke, mom. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich and then cut it into the shape of an elephant with a cookie cutter (that hasn't gotten much use for cookies might I add). She did think it was cute and she had fun de-trunking it and biting its legs off and taking a bite out of its butt... but... maybe she just doesn't like pb & j? I think it helped a little with her. It could be the answer for you! Worth a try!
DIY bibs for baby!
If you have never thought about this before, bandannas make for some rockin' baby (even toddler) bibs. You can take a traditional bandanna, fold it diagonally and tie it with breathing room around baby's neck. It sounds dangerous but as long as you do not put your child down to bed with it on or leave your baby unattended for a while, it should be fine. The bandanna style works great because when you fold it in half there are two layers plus it bunches around the neck and catches all the baby goobers. I don't know if I would try this for a super small baby but a teething baby and older- definitely!
The birth experience
Oh, birth, where do I start?
Birth is not a blip in your history. It is not one exact moment but a combination of moments that have lasting affects. Back in the day (way back), everyone's birth was probably pretty similar in terms of choices. There was just one way to do it- vaginally and with little to no medicine. Surgery was a rarity. If you know anyone who has been pregnant or is pregnant, you know the options are quite different. This is good and bad. For a lot of women and their doctors, birth is just business- if you are pregnant, the baby is going to come out one way or another! Little consideration seems to be given to the experience of birth. Having a good birth can make all the difference in the post partum time and as you continue to bond with your baby as s/he grows.
When I was planning for my birth with Leila, I had to make some big changes. I did not want the same experience I had with my first birth. First, I had to break-up with my doctor. It was a bummer because I really liked him and he had delivered my other daughter. It also sucked because I thought he might be mad at me or something. Once I made the switch to my midwife I didn't look back. It was the best decision I could have made. It is so important to have a doctor that cares about what you care about. YOU PAY THEM. YOU ARE THE CLIENT! Be encouraged if you feel like you need to make a change. Secondly, I hired a doula. A doula is someone who does not replace your partner or mother but is in addition to and takes care of everyone. She makes sure that mom and dad rest if possible, that everyone is eating and breathing and drinking water. She is there from start to finish. She is constant. Thank you, Jordan, for being that for me! Third, I wrote out an easy to read, bulleted birth plan stating what I did and did not want while at the hospital. It was very clear. I am flexible but I did not want to be pushed over in a very vulnerable state (ahem, labor). Lastly, I got my labor mix set on my ipod and jammed-out until things got serious.
The things that kept popping into my head when I was thinking about what I wanted for my birth experience:
It is literally all the time that I hear someone say "I had to have a c-section." I actually hear of more people having c-sections than I hear of people having vaginal birth (hello, the way we were designed to birth children). I am thankful that we have the technology to perform c-sections. I think there are certainly times when c-sections are necessary. I however strongly believe that the power to perform c-sections is being greatly misused in our current health system. I do not believe that a doctor going on vacation or just because the mother wants one or being scared of having a baby are valid reasons to have a c-section. I do not buy it that 30% of American women can't birth babies vaginally. I just don't buy it. Like I was saying before, if your doc says c-section and your red flags go up, start asking questions or even get a second opinion.
Woman, you are powerful! You can take back your birth experience!
Birth is not a blip in your history. It is not one exact moment but a combination of moments that have lasting affects. Back in the day (way back), everyone's birth was probably pretty similar in terms of choices. There was just one way to do it- vaginally and with little to no medicine. Surgery was a rarity. If you know anyone who has been pregnant or is pregnant, you know the options are quite different. This is good and bad. For a lot of women and their doctors, birth is just business- if you are pregnant, the baby is going to come out one way or another! Little consideration seems to be given to the experience of birth. Having a good birth can make all the difference in the post partum time and as you continue to bond with your baby as s/he grows.
 |
| me and sofia |
I had two very different births. My daughter Sofia was 10 days late and I ended up being induced. My induction led to camelbacked contractions and an epidural. Sofia, thankfully, was very healthy despite the wack-o contractions, the vacuum extraction and being forced to "move out" before she was ready. She was 7 lbs and 8 oz. My second daughter Leila was born 5 days early (thank you to my wonderful midwife Julie for getting things moving!). I opted to be present for this birth and have her completely naturally. I switched from a obstetrician to a CNM/midwife and hired a doula (a birth assistant for mother and family). It was awesome. It hurt like hell, but it was awesome and amazing and super-empowering. She, thankfully, was also healthy and weighed in at 8 lbs 4 oz.
 |
| me and leila |
The things that kept popping into my head when I was thinking about what I wanted for my birth experience:
- The nationwide rate of c-section according to the Centers for Disease Control is around 30% and higher in some places around the U.S.
- Inductions can lead to fetal distress or breaking of water which can lead to c-sections
- Having a c-section, although common, is major surgery
- Recovery time for vaginal birth is shorter than for c-section
- Ask yourself it your doctor cares about what you care about. If not, dump him/her and interview new ones
- Visit hospitals and birthing centers to see where you will be most comfortable and even look into homebirthing options
- Consider hiring a doula (Doulas of North America www.dona.org/mothers/index.php) who will be your advocate during
- Read- the more familiar you are about birth and what is normal, the less freaked out you will be when it comes on
- If your doctor even mentions c-section, start asking questions and a lot of them!
It is literally all the time that I hear someone say "I had to have a c-section." I actually hear of more people having c-sections than I hear of people having vaginal birth (hello, the way we were designed to birth children). I am thankful that we have the technology to perform c-sections. I think there are certainly times when c-sections are necessary. I however strongly believe that the power to perform c-sections is being greatly misused in our current health system. I do not believe that a doctor going on vacation or just because the mother wants one or being scared of having a baby are valid reasons to have a c-section. I do not buy it that 30% of American women can't birth babies vaginally. I just don't buy it. Like I was saying before, if your doc says c-section and your red flags go up, start asking questions or even get a second opinion.
Woman, you are powerful! You can take back your birth experience!
 |
| leila and sofia, loves of my labors |
Tuesday, March 22, 2011
Yes you can!... cloth diaper your kids
So, I clothed with Sofia for about 5 months, between 10 and 15 months, until she grew out of the g diapers set I had. When I became pregnant with Leila, I was determined to start early and save money. With a sewing background I took on the job of sewing a set of cloth diapers in two sizes. It was a labor of love for my little darling. I looked at many different styles to determine the one I wanted to model after. A popular brand is fuzzi bunz (http://fuzzibunz.com/). They are pocket diapers, in that each diaper has a pocket and a soaker insert and one whole diaper is dirtied every time baby goes. They go for between $18 and $20 per diaper. Another system that I looked at was from green line diapers (http://www.greenlinediaper.com/#). At the time it was a cotton cover, waterproof liner and a soaker. Now, it is just one waterproof cover and a soaker (a much better design by the way). They go for $17 per cover or $23 for a cover and soaker. The prints are over the top darling. I decided to go with a cover/liner/soaker system so that I could sew less and wash less too, because you can re-use covers if they are not wet or soiled.
I have only skimmed the surface about cloth diapering. If you are considering it, know that you can do it and that there are options for you! I knew that I wanted to cloth so that I could be "greener" but it had to fit the budget. I couldn't afford $250 for a beginning set of diapers so I made my own. If your budget is a problem and you don't want to or can't really make your own, I suggest going with a simple prefold/waterproof cover system. A lot of times you can get cloth prefolds from garage sales. You can also check out www.myuseddiapers.com/ or http://www.diaperswappers.com/ to get diapers for a lot cheaper that still have life left in them.
Be strong! You can go cloth too!
 |
| my diaper covers |
I was first introduced to cloth diapering when I had my daughter Sofia. I began hanging with a holistic living group of moms and many of them cloth diapered their children. The more I looked into it the more I realized that cloth diapering today is not your momma's cloth diapering. Prefolds and pins (and maybe elastic waterproof pants) used to be the thing. You can certainly still use these things but they are not as easy as other options. The new styles of diapers are fitted and stylish and nearly as easy to use as disposables. There are a ton of brands and systems from which to choose.
With Sofia I began a process called "elimination communication" at about 10 months. Elimination communication is a whole other post on it's own, but basically it is infant toilet training. During this time I used traditional prefolds and pins. Eventually I compromised and purchased a beginner set of g diapers. (http://www.gdiapers.com/) At the time g diapers were all about a cover with a snap-in liner and a biodegradable disposable/compostable insert. I used them with cloth inserts (to save money) and they worked great. I still love them and, if I could readily afford them, would re-stock right now.
So, I clothed with Sofia for about 5 months, between 10 and 15 months, until she grew out of the g diapers set I had. When I became pregnant with Leila, I was determined to start early and save money. With a sewing background I took on the job of sewing a set of cloth diapers in two sizes. It was a labor of love for my little darling. I looked at many different styles to determine the one I wanted to model after. A popular brand is fuzzi bunz (http://fuzzibunz.com/). They are pocket diapers, in that each diaper has a pocket and a soaker insert and one whole diaper is dirtied every time baby goes. They go for between $18 and $20 per diaper. Another system that I looked at was from green line diapers (http://www.greenlinediaper.com/#). At the time it was a cotton cover, waterproof liner and a soaker. Now, it is just one waterproof cover and a soaker (a much better design by the way). They go for $17 per cover or $23 for a cover and soaker. The prints are over the top darling. I decided to go with a cover/liner/soaker system so that I could sew less and wash less too, because you can re-use covers if they are not wet or soiled. 
I have had Leila in cloth full time for about 3 months and I love it, they are working great. At first I didn't know what I thought about it but now I am used to it. I have 8 size small/medium covers and 8 size medium/large and a ton of prefolds. I wash every 4 or 5 days. Yay!
Here is some cloth diaper vocabulary if you are just starting out and confusion is setting in:
- Soaker: part of a cloth diaper that is used to soak up messes when baby eliminates
- Prefold: an insert for a cloth diaper that you fold (if not already) and use as a soaker
- Diaper cover: can be waterproof or not, used to hold soaker
- Wicking layer: layer of diaper that soaks up moisture but keeps it off of baby's skin to keep baby dry. It can be part of the diaper or it can be a liner that goes on top of the soaker
- One-size: diapers that adjust to fit babies of different sizes and ages
- Wet bag: a waterproof bag that you keep in the diaper bag to carry soiled cloth diapers home
- Diaper pail: a bin where you put wet and soiled diapers until laundry day (can be wet or dry)
 |
| diaper pail |
Be strong! You can go cloth too!
Monday, March 21, 2011
The thanks I get
Motherhood is thankless a lot of times, or at least it seems that way.
Today I was on the couch holding Leila and Sofia, age 2, comes up to me and says, "mommy, I cut you neck off" and then she smiles real big and makes a cut motion at my neck. What? I almost had to laugh. This was at about 8 pm and I was just thinking, I have bent over backwards all day for you and this is how you repay me? by telling me you are going to cut my neck off? It was indeed laughable. I guess I should thank her 10 year old brother for vocabulary like that.
Before I laid Leila down for the night, I nursed her a bit. She suckled a little bit and then pulled off and then flailed her arms and smacked me in the face and pulled my glasses off. Now, I know she didn't mean to. But I almost laughed at that too. If you are a nursing mom or have ever nursed a child, you know it is a labor of love sometimes. If Leila is not smacking me in the face, she is pinching my side or scratching me with her baby razor nails.
Somehow I go on loving my children still and coming back for more when the sun rises again. I guess it is good I can laugh at these things.
Today I was on the couch holding Leila and Sofia, age 2, comes up to me and says, "mommy, I cut you neck off" and then she smiles real big and makes a cut motion at my neck. What? I almost had to laugh. This was at about 8 pm and I was just thinking, I have bent over backwards all day for you and this is how you repay me? by telling me you are going to cut my neck off? It was indeed laughable. I guess I should thank her 10 year old brother for vocabulary like that.
Before I laid Leila down for the night, I nursed her a bit. She suckled a little bit and then pulled off and then flailed her arms and smacked me in the face and pulled my glasses off. Now, I know she didn't mean to. But I almost laughed at that too. If you are a nursing mom or have ever nursed a child, you know it is a labor of love sometimes. If Leila is not smacking me in the face, she is pinching my side or scratching me with her baby razor nails.
Somehow I go on loving my children still and coming back for more when the sun rises again. I guess it is good I can laugh at these things.
Sunday, March 20, 2011
Hearing from God
I try not to be a Sunday-only Christian.
I figure- you are either in it or not. Until I was about 18 I would have considered myself catholic. I don't think that all catholics are Sunday-only people but I do feel like that is what I observed growing up. What's better than Sunday-only people are holidays-only people, people who only go to church on important holidays like Easter and Christmas. I am not knocking, I'm just saying that at some point I decided I wanted more than that. My faith began to grow as a result and it was good.
I really became a Christian in college. It was my desert place, if you will. I didn't feel like I fit in and I was away from everyone I loved. I held fast to Jesus and I was renewed. In the years since college I have grown that much closer to God and, although I have a long ways to go, I don't feel recognizable compared to the person I used to be. I think this is good too.
I always thought that God would never speak to me. For one, He of course doesn't do stuff like that anymore and for two, why would He speak to me, I am nothing. I have realized that God does still speak to people, but they just have to be listening. There were two different times in the recent past that I felt like God had spoken to me. It wasn't a big booming voice "AMBER, DO THIS!" Think of the story with Elijah's encounter with God- God was not in the gusting wind or an earthquake, He was in a gentle breeze, like a quiet whisper. Both times that I feel like God spoke to me it was an urging, a surge of overwhelming emotion that almost caused me to speak before thought about some very serious stuff. This "stuff" I am still praying about but I will update as needed.
Today I taught kids church and the lesson was about being obedient to God and the story came from Luke 5 where Jesus calls on the first disciples. I had about 12 kids in class, ages 6-12. I said "raise your hand if you are ready to leave your video games and your skate boards and your mom and dad to go follow Jesus right now." I didn't see too many hands. I went on to explain that Jesus isn't physically with us right now to call us to physically go follow him wherever He leads but we need to listen for God to speak into our hearts what He would have us to do so that we can still follow where he is leading, even today.
People think that when you decide to follow Jesus, that it is going to be all cherries and lolly pops. Sometimes it couldn't be further from it. The good news is that faith is not stagnant. It is always moving and changing. We have a God that is active and loves us so much that He would "talk" to us. God is always working some good for those who love Him and He is calling us, like Jesus called his disciples, to work for Him. Our economy is shot but I heard His payment is..... the best.
I figure- you are either in it or not. Until I was about 18 I would have considered myself catholic. I don't think that all catholics are Sunday-only people but I do feel like that is what I observed growing up. What's better than Sunday-only people are holidays-only people, people who only go to church on important holidays like Easter and Christmas. I am not knocking, I'm just saying that at some point I decided I wanted more than that. My faith began to grow as a result and it was good.
I really became a Christian in college. It was my desert place, if you will. I didn't feel like I fit in and I was away from everyone I loved. I held fast to Jesus and I was renewed. In the years since college I have grown that much closer to God and, although I have a long ways to go, I don't feel recognizable compared to the person I used to be. I think this is good too.
I always thought that God would never speak to me. For one, He of course doesn't do stuff like that anymore and for two, why would He speak to me, I am nothing. I have realized that God does still speak to people, but they just have to be listening. There were two different times in the recent past that I felt like God had spoken to me. It wasn't a big booming voice "AMBER, DO THIS!" Think of the story with Elijah's encounter with God- God was not in the gusting wind or an earthquake, He was in a gentle breeze, like a quiet whisper. Both times that I feel like God spoke to me it was an urging, a surge of overwhelming emotion that almost caused me to speak before thought about some very serious stuff. This "stuff" I am still praying about but I will update as needed.
Today I taught kids church and the lesson was about being obedient to God and the story came from Luke 5 where Jesus calls on the first disciples. I had about 12 kids in class, ages 6-12. I said "raise your hand if you are ready to leave your video games and your skate boards and your mom and dad to go follow Jesus right now." I didn't see too many hands. I went on to explain that Jesus isn't physically with us right now to call us to physically go follow him wherever He leads but we need to listen for God to speak into our hearts what He would have us to do so that we can still follow where he is leading, even today.
People think that when you decide to follow Jesus, that it is going to be all cherries and lolly pops. Sometimes it couldn't be further from it. The good news is that faith is not stagnant. It is always moving and changing. We have a God that is active and loves us so much that He would "talk" to us. God is always working some good for those who love Him and He is calling us, like Jesus called his disciples, to work for Him. Our economy is shot but I heard His payment is..... the best.
Thursday, March 17, 2011
Ant-icide
We have an ant problem.
It is only the middle of March and the ants already think it is a good time to move-in. We went and bought ant traps last night and put them in the popular ant spots and called it good, for now. This afternoon I had a very interesting conversation with my two year old, Sofia. It went something like this:
Sofia: Mom, there's ants in the bathroom under the rug.
Mom: I know, honey, it's ok, mommy knows they are there.
Sofia: Is there ant traps under there?
Mom: Yes.
Sofia: There's poison in the ant traps and the ants is gonna eat it? The ants is gonna die?
Mom: Yes, but it's ok.
Sofia: The ants are gonna die like Jesus?
Mom: Uh, kind of like Jesus.
Sofia: And grandma Judy? And grandma Judy's kitty cat Moe? Moe died, mom?
Mom: Yes, sweetie, grandma Judy and Moe died like Jesus. But it's ok, they are in heaven together now, remember?
Sofia: The ants go to heaven too with Jesus and grandma Judy and Moe?
Mom: I hope so.
I don't think I'll ever be able to heartlessly commit ant genocide ever again.
It is only the middle of March and the ants already think it is a good time to move-in. We went and bought ant traps last night and put them in the popular ant spots and called it good, for now. This afternoon I had a very interesting conversation with my two year old, Sofia. It went something like this:
Sofia: Mom, there's ants in the bathroom under the rug.
Mom: I know, honey, it's ok, mommy knows they are there.
Sofia: Is there ant traps under there?
Mom: Yes.
Sofia: There's poison in the ant traps and the ants is gonna eat it? The ants is gonna die?
Mom: Yes, but it's ok.
Sofia: The ants are gonna die like Jesus?
Mom: Uh, kind of like Jesus.
Sofia: And grandma Judy? And grandma Judy's kitty cat Moe? Moe died, mom?
Mom: Yes, sweetie, grandma Judy and Moe died like Jesus. But it's ok, they are in heaven together now, remember?
Sofia: The ants go to heaven too with Jesus and grandma Judy and Moe?
Mom: I hope so.
I don't think I'll ever be able to heartlessly commit ant genocide ever again.
Workin' a mini-van! Yeah!
It's official, we now own a mini-van. I am my mother's daughter after all.
We have been planning the purchase of a new-to-us car for a while and tax season has allowed us the bump we needed to make a purchase. We knew that we needed a bigger vehicle. We have a 2002 Nissan Sentra that is our "nice" car as opposed our other one the 1989 88 Oldsmobile. With two adults and three kids and five seats plus a stroller, diaper bag, etc. we were always loaded down. I am totally thankful for both of our little cars- they have taken us so many places. They have truly been a blessing. I know people that don't have one car and we have two that run. However, a van is just what we needed to fit our current life situation.
I caught a lot of what I would call "crap" from people when I would say "van." "You're too young for a van" or "I would never be caught in a van" or "a van, really?" I guess I just look at vehicles differently. For the majority of my driving life I have always had a car that everyday I would get into it and pray that it kept running for one more day. I think of vehicles as an instrument that get you from here to there. I am not in my car enough for it to go very deep with me. I would rather not have something wrecked or rusted-out but if it gets me from here to there, I have to drop the pride at the sliding door. I always said that if I ever bought a car for sixty grand I should be able to live in it. Ultimately, in life, you can look at everything from the perspective of what you don't have compared to someone or a group of people or you can look at things from the perspective of what you do have and how blessed you are. It's a lot less stressful to recognize that contrary to popular belief, we aren't entitled to anything and anything we do have is a blessing. That's a little off topic, but... I am just so thankful to even be able to purchase a new-to-us vehicle (even if it is a van)- Thankful to God for providing for us through my husband's job and thankful for my husband who works so hard at it.
Granny and soccer mom van moms UNITE!
We have been planning the purchase of a new-to-us car for a while and tax season has allowed us the bump we needed to make a purchase. We knew that we needed a bigger vehicle. We have a 2002 Nissan Sentra that is our "nice" car as opposed our other one the 1989 88 Oldsmobile. With two adults and three kids and five seats plus a stroller, diaper bag, etc. we were always loaded down. I am totally thankful for both of our little cars- they have taken us so many places. They have truly been a blessing. I know people that don't have one car and we have two that run. However, a van is just what we needed to fit our current life situation.
I caught a lot of what I would call "crap" from people when I would say "van." "You're too young for a van" or "I would never be caught in a van" or "a van, really?" I guess I just look at vehicles differently. For the majority of my driving life I have always had a car that everyday I would get into it and pray that it kept running for one more day. I think of vehicles as an instrument that get you from here to there. I am not in my car enough for it to go very deep with me. I would rather not have something wrecked or rusted-out but if it gets me from here to there, I have to drop the pride at the sliding door. I always said that if I ever bought a car for sixty grand I should be able to live in it. Ultimately, in life, you can look at everything from the perspective of what you don't have compared to someone or a group of people or you can look at things from the perspective of what you do have and how blessed you are. It's a lot less stressful to recognize that contrary to popular belief, we aren't entitled to anything and anything we do have is a blessing. That's a little off topic, but... I am just so thankful to even be able to purchase a new-to-us vehicle (even if it is a van)- Thankful to God for providing for us through my husband's job and thankful for my husband who works so hard at it.
Granny and soccer mom van moms UNITE!
Wednesday, March 16, 2011
Easy trail-mix for your little ones
I decided the other day that I was sick of not having anything around to snack on that was yummy but somehow healthy or healthier. I thought I might make some trail-mix. I have had many different kinds of trail-mix in my day and there are always certain ingredients that get left behind- nuts, dates, other weird dried fruit. I thought about the things that me and my family like that would be good for the car and out-and-about without any one ingredient being left behind. Here's what we came up with:
The Drake-Mix
off-brand cheerios
off-brand rice chex
craisins or dried cranberries
semi-sweet chocolate chips
dried apples
strawberry yogurt covered raisins (only because I had a little bit left in my cabinet already)
You can add in the amounts that you would like, I didn't follow a measured recipe :)
I was concerned that my 2 year old would only eat the chocolate and leave everything else but she is eating everything. We have some grains, some fruit and some chocolate. Yum-o! A lot better than cookies, crackers and other processed food snacks.
Try it or make up your own that works for you and your family!
The Drake-Mix
off-brand cheerios
off-brand rice chex
craisins or dried cranberries
semi-sweet chocolate chips
dried apples
strawberry yogurt covered raisins (only because I had a little bit left in my cabinet already)
You can add in the amounts that you would like, I didn't follow a measured recipe :)
I was concerned that my 2 year old would only eat the chocolate and leave everything else but she is eating everything. We have some grains, some fruit and some chocolate. Yum-o! A lot better than cookies, crackers and other processed food snacks.
Try it or make up your own that works for you and your family!
Making your own baby food? Totally Do-able!
For as long as I can remember I have looked for ways to save a dime. Not because I am cheap but because my economic status has always forced me to be more, well, economical. It's kind of fun (if you choose to look at your circumstance that way) to look at a situation and ask, "how can I do this better... or cheaper... or make it more personal?"
I make my baby food using a $10 mini food processor I found at Wal-Mart and $1 4-pack of ice cube trays. So... $11 plus some zip-loc baggies and I am good to go. Not bad. Let's see how the price of my system compares with others:
My system: $15
KidCo system: $59.95 for electric processor, tray, food mill and carrying case
Baby Bullet system: 4 "easy" payments of $19.99 for bullet, 8 storage containers
Baby Brezza system: $99.99 for just the processor ($14.99 for 4 containers, $14.99 for cutting board)
When I started to feed Sofia solid food, I knew that there had to be another way so I started to research it. I found several different books but the one that I like the best I actually found this time around with my other daughter, Leila. It is called Naturally Healthy First Foods for Baby by Jacqueline Rubin. It is kind of like a first foods bible, very thorough and has a lot of "recipes."
You can buy a lot of different things to use to make your baby food. There is the BabySteps Kidco system, the Baby Bullet, the Baby Brezza (which I first saw at a local Babies R Us) and others. These systems look really nice and I am sure they work great. I have listed the web addresses below for anyone that wants to do some more research. I, of course, thought I could be a little more cost effective.
 |
| My baby food making "system" |
My system: $15
KidCo system: $59.95 for electric processor, tray, food mill and carrying case
Baby Bullet system: 4 "easy" payments of $19.99 for bullet, 8 storage containers
Baby Brezza system: $99.99 for just the processor ($14.99 for 4 containers, $14.99 for cutting board)
I think I win. :) Now on to the how-to portion...
When you first decide to start baby food (generally somewhere between 4-6 months or after) there is a little bit of an order to follow. Start with rice cereal to begin and then when baby has that down, move on to oatmeal and other grains. Rice is the easiest to digest that's why you start with that. Mix small amounts of baby cereal with breast milk, formula or water ("baby" water, purified or boiled is preferable). Go from soupy to thicker as baby learns to take it. Take your time feeding baby, he/she has plenty of time to taste everything. After cereals, start veggies. Veggies before fruits because fruits are sweeter and can sabotage your veggie efforts. Give each veggie or fruit for a couple of days and monitor for any sign of allergies.
To make your own baby food you will need the raw vegetables or fruits, your processor, ice cube trays/ little glass jars, and some baggies for freezing. If I were making carrots, this is what I would do:
1. Prepare carrots by peeling them and trimming off end. Discard/compost waste. Cut into slices and place in a pot of water.
2. Boil water and carrots until carrots are soft. Do not drain water- it can be used when blending carrots.
3. Place carrots in food processor with a little carrot water. Blend. Continue adding water as needed to get the right consistency.
4. Spoon into ice cube trays and place in freezer.
5. When frozen, pop out (may need to let them thaw on the counter a little) and place in baggies. Label "carrots" and date.
Pretty much all of your veggies can be done this way. Remember, leave out the oil, salt, pepper, and sugar. Baby has no idea about any of this yet so take advantage!
When it comes to fruit, a lot of time you can just mash it as is. Bananas and Pears can be mashed. Peaches and apples can just be blended. You can reconstitute dried apricots in some hot water and then blend those.
Meats can also be blended. I remember making a tray of black beans and rice for Sofia and she loved it! Be creative- you get to decide what you want to make and how to feed. It is awesome and cost-effective.
Final note: I have only talked about electric processing of baby food. You can also look into food mills that are manual processors. I would say that you can get a food mill for around $12 or so.
Monday, March 14, 2011
Feeling like Mother of the Year
What a day!
I am wiped out and my day isn't over. As I write this, my darling Leila is jumping around on my lap. Just wondering when I might catch a break...
Today was not only Monday but also a day where I watched another little girl aside from my own two ladies. Leila started yesterday with some really runny eyes. Runny eyes? Google didn't have much to say about that, maybe allergies. This morning it continued and because the other girls (my daughter Sofia is 2 1/2 and Julia is 3) don't quite understand how to "keep it down" or "use inside voices" Leila couldn't really settle to sleep. Ug. Sofia plays pretty well most days but today it was all "mine" and "no" and even hitting. Yuck- hitting. I put her in time-out for 2 minutes 3 different times today. A lot of good that did. Eventually Leila fell asleep and slept for 2 hours, which was awesome, but the other girls didn't want anything to do with nap time.
THANKS A LOT DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME!!!!!
By the time my dearest husband came home I was ready to start smoking or go for a drink. He even had to put Sofia in time-out once for doing something she was told not to do several times. When I went to retrieve her from her 2 minutes of torture I said, "Sofia, do you know why mommy and daddy put you in time-out?" She said she did. While I was reiterating that it was because she was not listening to us, she picked up her fairy wand, tapped it on my head and said "mommy, you're a turd." I almost wanted to laugh. It has been one of those kind of days.
I love my girls so much. I feel bad for even complaining about motherhood because I know people that would give anything to have children of their own. The truth is, this has been the hardest 8 months of my life- with Leila as needy as she is and mom dying. It's about all I can take. I'd love to be Mother of the Year but most days I couldn't be farther from it.
I am wiped out and my day isn't over. As I write this, my darling Leila is jumping around on my lap. Just wondering when I might catch a break...
Today was not only Monday but also a day where I watched another little girl aside from my own two ladies. Leila started yesterday with some really runny eyes. Runny eyes? Google didn't have much to say about that, maybe allergies. This morning it continued and because the other girls (my daughter Sofia is 2 1/2 and Julia is 3) don't quite understand how to "keep it down" or "use inside voices" Leila couldn't really settle to sleep. Ug. Sofia plays pretty well most days but today it was all "mine" and "no" and even hitting. Yuck- hitting. I put her in time-out for 2 minutes 3 different times today. A lot of good that did. Eventually Leila fell asleep and slept for 2 hours, which was awesome, but the other girls didn't want anything to do with nap time.
THANKS A LOT DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME!!!!!
By the time my dearest husband came home I was ready to start smoking or go for a drink. He even had to put Sofia in time-out once for doing something she was told not to do several times. When I went to retrieve her from her 2 minutes of torture I said, "Sofia, do you know why mommy and daddy put you in time-out?" She said she did. While I was reiterating that it was because she was not listening to us, she picked up her fairy wand, tapped it on my head and said "mommy, you're a turd." I almost wanted to laugh. It has been one of those kind of days.
I love my girls so much. I feel bad for even complaining about motherhood because I know people that would give anything to have children of their own. The truth is, this has been the hardest 8 months of my life- with Leila as needy as she is and mom dying. It's about all I can take. I'd love to be Mother of the Year but most days I couldn't be farther from it.
From James
James, it's a great name. I never really thought so until I married one. My husband's name is James but everyone has always called him Jamie. He is my love.
Ok, now on to the real post :)
Yesterday I visited my sister's church to watch my niece, Grace, get baptized. The message was part of a series called "According to Jim" and the scripture came from the book of James 2: 14-26.
Ok, now on to the real post :)
Yesterday I visited my sister's church to watch my niece, Grace, get baptized. The message was part of a series called "According to Jim" and the scripture came from the book of James 2: 14-26.
14 What good is it, my brothers and sisters, if someone claims to have faith but has no deeds? Can such faith save them? 15 Suppose a brother or a sister is without clothes and daily food. 16 If one of you says to them, “Go in peace; keep warm and well fed,” but does nothing about their physical needs, what good is it? 17 In the same way, faith by itself, if it is not accompanied by action, is dead.
18 But someone will say, “You have faith; I have deeds.”
Show me your faith without deeds, and I will show you my faith by my deeds.
(read the complete text at http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=James+2&version=NIV)
As I listened I totally had that feeling, like "yes, this is so true."
I have a hard time calling myself a Christian sometimes because of the negative connotations it has with people that don't or haven't yet accepted Jesus. I usually just say that I love Jesus because I figure you can't go wrong with that. All the time I am surprised by my own faith and other believers who supposedly believe what I do. It is amazing that we all call each other Christians and that we are all part of one body and of one church but that our beliefs are foggy and the line between what we believe or don't is blurred. There are catholics, lutherans, evangelicals, mormons, orthodox, nondenominationals, and about 500 more branches of the Christian "one body" church that are not named here. I could go on on... maybe later, though.
The sermon was right on when it says that, as a Christian, your faith and deeds should work together. If I see a homeless man without a coat and I have an extra coat in my backseat, as a Christian it is my duty to recognize need, share what I have and love people regardless of their circumstance. If I deny that homeless man of what I have to freely give and maybe just throw up a little prayer for him as I pass, what good is it? Am I really doing all I can and should as someone who calls herself a Christ follower? I want to note here (as did the pastor who spoke the message) that I am not saying that a prayer isn't good enough- prayer is an essential part of being a Christ follower. I am saying that we always need to be evaluating to see if there is something more we need to be doing. Verse 18 says "But someone will say, 'You have faith; I have deeds.' Show me your faith without deeds, and I will show you my faith by my deeds." The point is that our faith in God should direct our actions. If you are a Christ follower and you have everything you need and then some, and you know people who are in need but you feel no need to help them, it's time to re-evaluate.
As Christians, we do not need to do do do in order to earn God's grace. We deserve nothing and still we are richly blessed. Because of our faith we are called to do God's work on this earth.
Use me, Lord. You're the only one to whom I can trust to say something like that.
Sunday, March 13, 2011
The fast food challenge
I heart fast food. It sucks. I wish I didn't. I want to eat healthy, really. I am doing pretty good so far this year in terms of not eating out. It was one of those, what do you call them?... resolutions, that's it!
I was headed to church last Sunday and I stopped at McDonald's for an iced coffee. Horrendously unhealthy but super yummy and in my not-so-rebellious life, a small offense. I have heard a lot about people paying for the car behind them in line at fast food restaurants. I thought it would be kind of fun, maybe I could make someone's day. So I did. $4.24 was the total (I must have picked the right person to get in front of...haha). My stepson still doesn't quite understand why I would even think of doing something like that, but that's ok it was a teachable moment.
A couple days later I had a great idea. In order to curb my eating out I would try to be more disciplined and if I did eat out, I had to pay for the person behind me too. It's a way that I can be encouraged either way- by being disciplined and eating food I know is good for me or by blessing someone when I have a weak moment.
On Friday, I dropped my daughter off to my sister before I went for some volunteering. I had to have a soda- stat! I drove into McDonald's (yes, my preferred place of processed food) and ordered my soda. Then I heard my voice in the back of my mind "if I go, I will pay for the person behind me." I went back and forth but decided that even if I wasn't being disciplined I still had to be disciplined and follow my plan. I was hoping my $1 soda didn't turn into the $20 soda. My husband would kill me!
Total: $3.28
Maybe this is something that you could try? It is kind of fun. Kind of random but good. You never know how a little deed like paying for someone's coffee or a child's Happy Meal can make someone's day or week. It's like a pay it forward. GREAT movie, by the way, if you've never seen it.
I was headed to church last Sunday and I stopped at McDonald's for an iced coffee. Horrendously unhealthy but super yummy and in my not-so-rebellious life, a small offense. I have heard a lot about people paying for the car behind them in line at fast food restaurants. I thought it would be kind of fun, maybe I could make someone's day. So I did. $4.24 was the total (I must have picked the right person to get in front of...haha). My stepson still doesn't quite understand why I would even think of doing something like that, but that's ok it was a teachable moment.
A couple days later I had a great idea. In order to curb my eating out I would try to be more disciplined and if I did eat out, I had to pay for the person behind me too. It's a way that I can be encouraged either way- by being disciplined and eating food I know is good for me or by blessing someone when I have a weak moment.
On Friday, I dropped my daughter off to my sister before I went for some volunteering. I had to have a soda- stat! I drove into McDonald's (yes, my preferred place of processed food) and ordered my soda. Then I heard my voice in the back of my mind "if I go, I will pay for the person behind me." I went back and forth but decided that even if I wasn't being disciplined I still had to be disciplined and follow my plan. I was hoping my $1 soda didn't turn into the $20 soda. My husband would kill me!
Total: $3.28
Maybe this is something that you could try? It is kind of fun. Kind of random but good. You never know how a little deed like paying for someone's coffee or a child's Happy Meal can make someone's day or week. It's like a pay it forward. GREAT movie, by the way, if you've never seen it.
Comfort food!
When I was growing up we almost never ate meals as a family. It was just my sisters and my mom and I, and because I was the baby, sometimes it was just mom and I. Mom worked a lot as a catering manager and when an event was going on, she was there. Luckily, I learned pretty early how to take care of myself. So, thanks to canned food and frozen meals I was good to go. I never faulted my mom for not being able to sit and eat with us. I understood that she was working so that we could eat at all. She never left us hanging, either the cupboards and freezer were stocked or she made us something special to eat while she was gone.
The other night I didn't know what to fix for dinner and was ultimately sick of the same ol' same ol' so I pulled one out: Chicken and dumplings. Major comfort food. That much more comforting as I make it for my family knowing that my mom used to make it for me and us when she was here.
Before I got married my mom made me this recipe book and asked everyone who attended my bridal shower to bring a recipe. It wasn't a super-duper fancy cookbook, it was a scrapbook turned cookbook- a product of my mother's uncreative but very loving hands. It is now one of my most prized possessions as I use it to prepare meals as a mother myself. In it she placed a couple of her staples but no chicken and dumplings. I was forced to improvise. I have always been pretty observant and my mom, a good teacher, so it worked.
Here is the "recipe" I used:
Chicken and Dumplings
3 ribs of celery, chopped
1/2 large onion, chopped
2 tbsp chicken bouillon
1-2 lbs boneless chicken breasts
32 oz chicken broth
1 bay leaf
3 good-sized potatoes, diced into 3/4 inch chunks
3 good-sized carrots, sliced into 1/2 inch disks
Bisquick (or you can make your own dumpling mix, super easy)
Take a standard pot (like cooking soup- pot) filled 2/3 with water. Add celery, onion, chicken bouillon, chicken (frozen, thawed, whatever), chicken broth and bay leaf. Bring to a boil and simmer for a while until chicken is tender and no longer pink inside. Skim top for chicken fat and discard as needed. Take chicken out on cutting board. Add potatoes and carrots. While the potatoes and carrots cook, shred chicken. Put chicken back in pot. Mix Bisquick or other dumpling mix. Spoon dough into pot enough for about 6 dumplings (they will expand a lot). Cook for 10 minutes uncovered and then 10 minutes covered. Done! You can serve the food right away and then put more dumplings in to cook while you are eating. Yum-o!
As I was trying to savor every bite of my chicken and dumplings (after I finally got to eat, you know how it is with kids) I said to my husband "where has this been all my life?" To which he replied, "we never had to make it because your mom always made it for us."
I hope I made her proud.
The other night I didn't know what to fix for dinner and was ultimately sick of the same ol' same ol' so I pulled one out: Chicken and dumplings. Major comfort food. That much more comforting as I make it for my family knowing that my mom used to make it for me and us when she was here.
Here is the "recipe" I used:
Chicken and Dumplings
3 ribs of celery, chopped
1/2 large onion, chopped
2 tbsp chicken bouillon
1-2 lbs boneless chicken breasts
32 oz chicken broth
1 bay leaf
3 good-sized potatoes, diced into 3/4 inch chunks
3 good-sized carrots, sliced into 1/2 inch disks
Bisquick (or you can make your own dumpling mix, super easy)
Take a standard pot (like cooking soup- pot) filled 2/3 with water. Add celery, onion, chicken bouillon, chicken (frozen, thawed, whatever), chicken broth and bay leaf. Bring to a boil and simmer for a while until chicken is tender and no longer pink inside. Skim top for chicken fat and discard as needed. Take chicken out on cutting board. Add potatoes and carrots. While the potatoes and carrots cook, shred chicken. Put chicken back in pot. Mix Bisquick or other dumpling mix. Spoon dough into pot enough for about 6 dumplings (they will expand a lot). Cook for 10 minutes uncovered and then 10 minutes covered. Done! You can serve the food right away and then put more dumplings in to cook while you are eating. Yum-o!
As I was trying to savor every bite of my chicken and dumplings (after I finally got to eat, you know how it is with kids) I said to my husband "where has this been all my life?" To which he replied, "we never had to make it because your mom always made it for us."
I hope I made her proud.
Wednesday, March 9, 2011
Wanted: Mom with Small Children for Hang Out
Wanted: Mom with Small Children for Hang Out
Mom with toddler and infant seeks other mothers with like attachments for playtime. Enjoys long walks at the zoo, coffee and apple juice, naptime. Prefers someone(s) who can easily tolerate and maintain conversation over screaming, crying, whining, and toddler jibber-jabber. Desperate for adult interaction.
The best part about this post is that when I titled the post the first thing I wrote was "Wanted: Mom with Small Children to Hang." I figured that wouldn't go over well- I could totally see that popping up on Leno some night. Ug.
Recently on Wednesdays I have been watching a little girl who is the daughter of a friend of ours. Today, however, we had an open day. We ended up at the library which was great but I miss hanging out with other moms. I love my girls so much but I need to have an adult conversation every once in a while. I need to relate to other women who are in similar shoes and who can appreciate the daily life happenings of life with small children. It is amazing how much better I feel after meeting with other moms and connecting to them. Finally, my feelings, my craziness, my everyday stuff is shared with people that understand! Yay!
Tomorrow the girls and I will head to a holistic living group meeting in the morning and then have lunch with a friend. I am looking forward to it.
Adventures in laundering
I have felt really pumped since reading through that Make Your Place book. I don't want to feel like I have to use products that I am not sure about. Weird chemical names freak me out and consumer boxes that don't list ingredients do too. With that in mind, I have been on a mission for the past few days to source the ingredients for some DIY laundry soap and I think I have it! Maybe...
I found a couple of different recipes for soap and also got some good info from a good friend of mine who makes her own soap regularly. Here are the recipes:
From Make Your Place by Raleigh Briggs:
1/2 cup baking soda
1/2 cup powdered castile soap
1/4 cup washing soda
1/4 cup borax
few drops essential oil (optional)
Use 1/2 cup per load
From Suddenly Frugal by Leah Ingram
2 parts washing soda
2 parts borax
1 part grated Fels-Naptha soap
Use 1/4 cup per load
I am working on getting my friend's recipe and will update when I do so.
I am not quite sure which one I will do yet... I am thinking maybe the one from Suddenly Frugal because I already have all the ingredients. I am not too excited about sitting down to grate some bar soap but I will do it to try it. I am excited to see how it compares to what we have been using for some time, off- brand Tide. I looked into the castile soap from the recipe in Make Your Place and found some at the local health food shop but it was liquid, not powder. I might have to get some shipped.
Either way, I am experimenting to find the most healthy, cost effective and easy way to wash my clothes and keep anyone of my kids from being the "smelly kid." This makes doing laundry that much more exciting!
 |
| DIY laundry! |
From Make Your Place by Raleigh Briggs:
1/2 cup baking soda
1/2 cup powdered castile soap
1/4 cup washing soda
1/4 cup borax
few drops essential oil (optional)
Use 1/2 cup per load
From Suddenly Frugal by Leah Ingram
2 parts washing soda
2 parts borax
1 part grated Fels-Naptha soap
Use 1/4 cup per load
I am working on getting my friend's recipe and will update when I do so.
I am not quite sure which one I will do yet... I am thinking maybe the one from Suddenly Frugal because I already have all the ingredients. I am not too excited about sitting down to grate some bar soap but I will do it to try it. I am excited to see how it compares to what we have been using for some time, off- brand Tide. I looked into the castile soap from the recipe in Make Your Place and found some at the local health food shop but it was liquid, not powder. I might have to get some shipped.
Either way, I am experimenting to find the most healthy, cost effective and easy way to wash my clothes and keep anyone of my kids from being the "smelly kid." This makes doing laundry that much more exciting!
Monday, March 7, 2011
Feeling a little loser-y
It's Monday, and the start of a new week. I am taking advantage of some "me" time although I am guilt-ridden that I should be sleeping. I am watching Julie & Julia with Amy Adams and Meryl Streep and it is pretty good. Feel-good.
I am feeling like kind of a loser right now for some reason. I just have an all-over yuck feeling about a lot of stuff. This weekend we went out and got some new shelving units. This helped the house to look better but it still looks like a semi-disaster area. I am ready to throw my whole house in a metal trash can in the middle of my living room and set it on fire. I am so over stuff I can't tell you. I have so much stuff that I don't need and stuff that I don't know why I keep around and stuff that I know why I keep it around but I still shouldn't be keeping it. I have my own house to deal with and mom's place. Of course there are things from my mom's that I want to keep just because they remind me of her. While that is not a good reason, it is.
I feel aimless about what is next for me. There are things I want to write, sew, create, do with my children, my husband, my friends, movies I want to see, places I want to go. But somehow, each day comes and goes in the same way. I want to do something impactful and inspirational and meaningful. I want to do something that makes my soul sing. I know that this is just a down-time and that soon, I will be on the up-swing again. I am longing for those days to arrive.
It is always hard to say was triggers these moods. I kind of feel like I want to crawl up with a blankie next to my husband and stay there for a while. It might have been church yesterday.
As I nursed my daughter in the prayer chapel at church on Sunday, I read the "praise quilt" where people post things they are thankful for on little scraps of fabric. I saw one that looked familiar. I got up, unrolled the fabric and read "Thank God for my cancer, I realize how great our God is. Judy P." If you don't know, Judy is my mother who passed away from ovarian cancer in December. I didn't even make it through the message before I started to cry my eyes out. I guess I just feel sad, very sad. I miss her so much. I am hurt for so many reasons I don't know where to start. Mom was too young to die. I am too young to be without any parents. My children are going to miss out on grandma Judy. I hate that she suffered. I hate that I couldn't stop it or take it away. This process that damaged me so deeply I feel irreparable. Will it ever end? Or do I fear more the day that I think of mom and my eyes don't well up? Some days it is more than I can take.
What got me the most about mom's note on the praise quilt was that she was doing exactly what she was supposed to do. She was thanking God for something that brought her closer to Him. It is beautiful and tragic that she is still teaching me even in her death.
Despite all of this, I am hopeful. If only just a little. Now I am going to dry my eyes, blow my nose and sleep until the baby hears me get into bed and get comfortable.
I am feeling like kind of a loser right now for some reason. I just have an all-over yuck feeling about a lot of stuff. This weekend we went out and got some new shelving units. This helped the house to look better but it still looks like a semi-disaster area. I am ready to throw my whole house in a metal trash can in the middle of my living room and set it on fire. I am so over stuff I can't tell you. I have so much stuff that I don't need and stuff that I don't know why I keep around and stuff that I know why I keep it around but I still shouldn't be keeping it. I have my own house to deal with and mom's place. Of course there are things from my mom's that I want to keep just because they remind me of her. While that is not a good reason, it is.
I feel aimless about what is next for me. There are things I want to write, sew, create, do with my children, my husband, my friends, movies I want to see, places I want to go. But somehow, each day comes and goes in the same way. I want to do something impactful and inspirational and meaningful. I want to do something that makes my soul sing. I know that this is just a down-time and that soon, I will be on the up-swing again. I am longing for those days to arrive.
It is always hard to say was triggers these moods. I kind of feel like I want to crawl up with a blankie next to my husband and stay there for a while. It might have been church yesterday.
As I nursed my daughter in the prayer chapel at church on Sunday, I read the "praise quilt" where people post things they are thankful for on little scraps of fabric. I saw one that looked familiar. I got up, unrolled the fabric and read "Thank God for my cancer, I realize how great our God is. Judy P." If you don't know, Judy is my mother who passed away from ovarian cancer in December. I didn't even make it through the message before I started to cry my eyes out. I guess I just feel sad, very sad. I miss her so much. I am hurt for so many reasons I don't know where to start. Mom was too young to die. I am too young to be without any parents. My children are going to miss out on grandma Judy. I hate that she suffered. I hate that I couldn't stop it or take it away. This process that damaged me so deeply I feel irreparable. Will it ever end? Or do I fear more the day that I think of mom and my eyes don't well up? Some days it is more than I can take.
What got me the most about mom's note on the praise quilt was that she was doing exactly what she was supposed to do. She was thanking God for something that brought her closer to Him. It is beautiful and tragic that she is still teaching me even in her death.
Despite all of this, I am hopeful. If only just a little. Now I am going to dry my eyes, blow my nose and sleep until the baby hears me get into bed and get comfortable.
Saturday, March 5, 2011
Precious moments
Tonight I had a wonderful opportunity to put my daughter Sofia to bed. A lot of times my husband and I split the duty, I take little Leila and Jamie takes Sofia. Tonight it worked out for me to put Sofia to bed. She and I usually cuddle up together and we say some prayers. I always ask her if there is something or someone else she wants to pray for. Tonight we were going through the grandmas. Here is how it went down:
Mom: is there anyone else you want to pray for?
Sofia: and... grandma Judy! And grandma Ann and grandma Di...
Mom: and grandma B? Grandma Drake?
Sofia: ...and grandma B and Grandma Drake that she not sick. Is grandma Drake sick, mommy?
Mom: Well, she was sick the other day, that's why we couldn't have dinner together. But I think she is all better now.
Sofia: She had an ouchie?
Mom: Her belly just hurt a little bit, but I think it is better now.
Sofia: She has a baby in there, mom?
Mom: (chuckle) No, honey, I think she just ate something that made her belly feel yucky.
Sofia: Oh.
I love that my little girl can talk now and we can have conversations like this one. Moments like these I wish I could bottle forever. Sofia, thanks for being my girl!
Mom: is there anyone else you want to pray for?
Sofia: and... grandma Judy! And grandma Ann and grandma Di...
Mom: and grandma B? Grandma Drake?
Sofia: ...and grandma B and Grandma Drake that she not sick. Is grandma Drake sick, mommy?
Mom: Well, she was sick the other day, that's why we couldn't have dinner together. But I think she is all better now.
Sofia: She had an ouchie?
Mom: Her belly just hurt a little bit, but I think it is better now.
Sofia: She has a baby in there, mom?
Mom: (chuckle) No, honey, I think she just ate something that made her belly feel yucky.
Sofia: Oh.
I love that my little girl can talk now and we can have conversations like this one. Moments like these I wish I could bottle forever. Sofia, thanks for being my girl!
Feelin' like a nat-ur-al woman!
Ok, so this is follow-up from my post a couple of days ago about using myself as a guinea pig for natural cures. I have some good news... I am feeling much better!
For the past two days I have been doing the nasal irrigation twice a day and also taking 2 tbsp of the apple cider vinegar twice a day. By the way, do not do this close to bedtime or on a completely empty stomach :) By the morning of the second day I felt significantly better. My mucus (sorry) was thinner and clearer and by gums didn't hurt anymore. My headache that I had had for almost 2 weeks even subsided. Now, I am working on a slightly runny nose and that is it- AMAZING!
Since the other day, I have also had a chance to page through Make Your Place some more. It is brilliant and super exciting that, if you have a heart for it, you can take back your life from harmful chemicals in commercial products. I want to try some things first and then I may post some of Raleigh Briggs' great ideas from the book.
More later! Yay for good health!
For the past two days I have been doing the nasal irrigation twice a day and also taking 2 tbsp of the apple cider vinegar twice a day. By the way, do not do this close to bedtime or on a completely empty stomach :) By the morning of the second day I felt significantly better. My mucus (sorry) was thinner and clearer and by gums didn't hurt anymore. My headache that I had had for almost 2 weeks even subsided. Now, I am working on a slightly runny nose and that is it- AMAZING!
Since the other day, I have also had a chance to page through Make Your Place some more. It is brilliant and super exciting that, if you have a heart for it, you can take back your life from harmful chemicals in commercial products. I want to try some things first and then I may post some of Raleigh Briggs' great ideas from the book.
More later! Yay for good health!
Thursday, March 3, 2011
To the God of small favors
"Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart"
Psalm 37:4
I am a part of a wonderful bible study and we are currently working through the Mind of Christ by T.W. Hunt. We are only in the beginning stages of this study which will last a couple of months but it is already transforming me by getting me to examine myself better. The idea is to order your mind so that it jives with what Christ would have it to be and to recognize those things that are red flags as they pop up. It's a lifelong process.
I have been so caught up in life lately that although it seems like I am close to God in my periphery, when I really think about it, I haven't been taking the time that I should to just be with God. So last night before bed I just cried out to Him. Sometimes I get in to a past way of thinking that says that God doesn't care about my little stuff. That is wrong. God does care. So, I cried out to him about my daughter Leila and her sleep. I am overwhelmed because, while she is a better sleeper than Sofia ever was, her sleep pattern doesn't allow me to get much done during the day or at night. I told God all about it and asked for time and better sleep for us both.
I woke up this morning after some serious sleeping. Leila and I worked together really well last night in terms of feedings and that made a huge difference. Have you ever slept so hard that when you wake up your body feels heavy and one of your limbs is asleep? That was me this morning. Leila slept in even after I got up and that gave me some good one-on-one time with Sofia and we got to eat breakfast together. During the day, Leila slept for about an hour while we were at the store. Then, during Sofia's nap, Leila and I laid down together. I napped for an hour (which was AWESOME!) and Leila napped for 3 hours! AMAZING! I don't think she has ever napped that long before.
I recognize this as an answer to prayer from my God that does care about my small stuff. I want to encourage you to cry out about your small stuff to God. Do not get stuck doing stuff on your own. Draw close to God, especially at your weak points and God will grab hold with open arms. May you be blessed!
"Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need."
Hebrews 4:16
"But He said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for My power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore, I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest upon me."
2 Corinthians 12:9
I'm going natural, people!
Over that past couple of years I have been going more and more in the direction of natural living. Basically, I am over being a slave to corporations and their products that I believe really don't have the consumer's best interest in mind. And, as you can imagine, after going through the chemo experience with my mom and seeing the affects it had on her, I now have less and less faith in doctors and conventional medicine and more faith in God and the things that He created for us to fight illness, disease, etc. Having said all of this, put me in coach! I have a sinus infection and I am putting all my chips in for a natural recovery.
I looked up "natural sinus infection remedies" online and found a very helpful site called earthclinic.com (http://www.earthclinic.com/CURES/sinus_infection.html for sinus infection search). The first thing that I saw was about apple cider vinegar. I have known several people that take this religiously everyday. From what I have read about it, I figured it couldn't hurt so... I drank some. Although best taken at the first signs of possible infection, I took it as someone who has been struggling for days now. It says to take 1/4 cup in 16 oz of water and drink throughout the day or take 2 tbsp in 8 oz and go for it. I went for it. I can't really smell or taste right now but what I could taste was kind of like throwing up in reverse. Don't let this deter you! My husband is going to man-up with me and if it works- it might become part of our everyday diets.
Being a nursing mom really throws a wrench in personal health care, as some remedies do not have any data on how it could affect baby, milk supply, etc. I found some additional remedies that I plan to try and are safe for me and baby:
*Placing warm compresses on the face
*Drinking plenty of hot beverages (not coffee) throughout the day
*Doing a nasal rinse (like the neti pot)
If you have never done a nasal rinse, it is worth a try! I discovered the neti pot from a friend a couple years ago. Between that and Emergen-C, I can usually kick an oncoming cold pretty quick. You can pick up a neti pot at a health food shop or Wal-mart and it is worth the purchase. The first time I rinsed it was kind of reminiscent of the time I almost drowned at the lake when I was 4, however, I have refined my neti-pot skills and it is actually enjoyable now. The key is to use water that is a little warmer than luke warm, to make sure the solution you use is dissolved and to tilt your head as far on the side as you can.
Over the next few days I am going to be as diligent as possible to do all of these things and kick it. I will write back to let everyone know if I was victorious or not.
I looked up "natural sinus infection remedies" online and found a very helpful site called earthclinic.com (http://www.earthclinic.com/CURES/sinus_infection.html for sinus infection search). The first thing that I saw was about apple cider vinegar. I have known several people that take this religiously everyday. From what I have read about it, I figured it couldn't hurt so... I drank some. Although best taken at the first signs of possible infection, I took it as someone who has been struggling for days now. It says to take 1/4 cup in 16 oz of water and drink throughout the day or take 2 tbsp in 8 oz and go for it. I went for it. I can't really smell or taste right now but what I could taste was kind of like throwing up in reverse. Don't let this deter you! My husband is going to man-up with me and if it works- it might become part of our everyday diets.
Being a nursing mom really throws a wrench in personal health care, as some remedies do not have any data on how it could affect baby, milk supply, etc. I found some additional remedies that I plan to try and are safe for me and baby:
*Placing warm compresses on the face
*Drinking plenty of hot beverages (not coffee) throughout the day
*Doing a nasal rinse (like the neti pot)
If you have never done a nasal rinse, it is worth a try! I discovered the neti pot from a friend a couple years ago. Between that and Emergen-C, I can usually kick an oncoming cold pretty quick. You can pick up a neti pot at a health food shop or Wal-mart and it is worth the purchase. The first time I rinsed it was kind of reminiscent of the time I almost drowned at the lake when I was 4, however, I have refined my neti-pot skills and it is actually enjoyable now. The key is to use water that is a little warmer than luke warm, to make sure the solution you use is dissolved and to tilt your head as far on the side as you can.
Over the next few days I am going to be as diligent as possible to do all of these things and kick it. I will write back to let everyone know if I was victorious or not.
 |
| A must-have-on-hand, Make Your Place by Raleigh Briggs |
Lastly, a book review. Today, my friend Kate let me borrow a book called Make Your Place: affordable, sustainable nesting skills by Raleigh Briggs. It is ultra-fantastic! It has all kinds of recipes for cleaners, laundry detergent, toothpaste and more. It talks about essential oils, tinctures, gardening, composting and much more. I LOVE IT! See it at http://microcosmpublishing.com/catalog/books/2333/
Wednesday, March 2, 2011
Leila, you got me on my knees...
...praying to God you'll sleep... Leila!
Leila is my dear 7 1/2 month old daughter, also known as little sweetie, cream pie, little glo worm, brutus magutus, Leilers and occasionally, little stink face. The last one really isn't as harsh as it seems when you combine a cute baby with a poopy diaper and baby talk, really. I hope she sees it differently but I feel like her whole life has been kind of crazy. I don't know if this is really a post about my daughter Leila or a post about having two children close together. Either way, I hope someone can pick up what I'm putting down.
My pregnancy with Leila was joyful and fearful. I found out I was pregnant with Leila on November 13. We were so happy because we had lost a baby at 7 weeks at the beginning of September. I was sick like with Sofia and scared for a while because I didn't want to lose this baby too. In the end we made it just fine and after a carefully planned birth, I had Leila on July 17. I had her totally naturally and it was a very empowering, amazing and totally wack-a-do experience. I was exhausted after being up all night and when I finally got hold her I just felt overwhelmingly overwhelmed. Ug. I loved her but I was thinking to myself "who is this new kid?" "how am I going to recover and take care of two kids?" "when can I sleep?". After some personal complications, I left the hospital and began to work on my new "normal."
At about 2 1/2 weeks Leila started with some crazy reflux and colic. I remember being on the way into the grocery and she just started to spit up EVERYTHING in her stomach and then some. It drenched her clothes, the car seat cover and actually drained through the car seat and onto the pavement. It freaked me out big time. The colic period was from 9pm to midnight or later every night like clock work. We heard from someone that taking her to the chiropractor might help with both the reflux and colic so we did, and it helped! The reflux never came back after the first appointment and the colic peaked at 6 weeks then disappeared. Now Leila is a pretty good sleeper... she just gets up a lot at night still!
After things started to settle in that way, my mom fell ill again. She was at the hospital for almost a month exactly and then went into home hospice care at my dear sister's house. So from the beginning of September to mid- December me and my girls woke up everyday, got around and left for either the hospital or my sister's house. I basically moved in to my sister's house. Each day I took care of my recently potty trained toddler, my needy infant daughter and my dying mother. It was the most taxing, exhausting, emotionally annihilating time in my life. It's important to note here that if given the opportunity to do it again-- I would, in a heart beat. My mother and daughters are that important to me. My mother passed on December 15 and I am still grieving.
Now I can't believe that Leila is going to be 8 months. I feel like I have been so mentally strained between making sure that everyone is bathed and has eaten and has snacks and grief and everything else that I don't feel like I've been entirely present. But maybe I am being too hard on myself and this is just what having a second child (I keep saying second child- my second child, I also have my stepson) is like. I am glad to report that at this point I am keeping up in the baby book and with picture taking. Leila is no less special just because she is my second child. Leila has a very light-hearted and fun spirit. She is demanding and intense and stong. She is not a little squirt like Sofia- she is long and the weight of Sofia as a 1 year old. When she wants something, you know it. When I walk out of the room, she cries. She loves her mother, what can I say? Her comfort is to "paw" at my face and chest which usually ends in an involuntary blood draw. She is kind of the family goat right now, eating everything (especially paper) in sight. She is doing some serious army crawling, determined to get in to stuff she is not allowed to get in to. Leila is happy and giggly but very intense. And I love her so much. She is so special to me, just like Sofia, but in her own way. I can't wait to see the girl she is growing up to be :)
Leila is my dear 7 1/2 month old daughter, also known as little sweetie, cream pie, little glo worm, brutus magutus, Leilers and occasionally, little stink face. The last one really isn't as harsh as it seems when you combine a cute baby with a poopy diaper and baby talk, really. I hope she sees it differently but I feel like her whole life has been kind of crazy. I don't know if this is really a post about my daughter Leila or a post about having two children close together. Either way, I hope someone can pick up what I'm putting down.
My pregnancy with Leila was joyful and fearful. I found out I was pregnant with Leila on November 13. We were so happy because we had lost a baby at 7 weeks at the beginning of September. I was sick like with Sofia and scared for a while because I didn't want to lose this baby too. In the end we made it just fine and after a carefully planned birth, I had Leila on July 17. I had her totally naturally and it was a very empowering, amazing and totally wack-a-do experience. I was exhausted after being up all night and when I finally got hold her I just felt overwhelmingly overwhelmed. Ug. I loved her but I was thinking to myself "who is this new kid?" "how am I going to recover and take care of two kids?" "when can I sleep?". After some personal complications, I left the hospital and began to work on my new "normal."
At about 2 1/2 weeks Leila started with some crazy reflux and colic. I remember being on the way into the grocery and she just started to spit up EVERYTHING in her stomach and then some. It drenched her clothes, the car seat cover and actually drained through the car seat and onto the pavement. It freaked me out big time. The colic period was from 9pm to midnight or later every night like clock work. We heard from someone that taking her to the chiropractor might help with both the reflux and colic so we did, and it helped! The reflux never came back after the first appointment and the colic peaked at 6 weeks then disappeared. Now Leila is a pretty good sleeper... she just gets up a lot at night still!
After things started to settle in that way, my mom fell ill again. She was at the hospital for almost a month exactly and then went into home hospice care at my dear sister's house. So from the beginning of September to mid- December me and my girls woke up everyday, got around and left for either the hospital or my sister's house. I basically moved in to my sister's house. Each day I took care of my recently potty trained toddler, my needy infant daughter and my dying mother. It was the most taxing, exhausting, emotionally annihilating time in my life. It's important to note here that if given the opportunity to do it again-- I would, in a heart beat. My mother and daughters are that important to me. My mother passed on December 15 and I am still grieving.
Now I can't believe that Leila is going to be 8 months. I feel like I have been so mentally strained between making sure that everyone is bathed and has eaten and has snacks and grief and everything else that I don't feel like I've been entirely present. But maybe I am being too hard on myself and this is just what having a second child (I keep saying second child- my second child, I also have my stepson) is like. I am glad to report that at this point I am keeping up in the baby book and with picture taking. Leila is no less special just because she is my second child. Leila has a very light-hearted and fun spirit. She is demanding and intense and stong. She is not a little squirt like Sofia- she is long and the weight of Sofia as a 1 year old. When she wants something, you know it. When I walk out of the room, she cries. She loves her mother, what can I say? Her comfort is to "paw" at my face and chest which usually ends in an involuntary blood draw. She is kind of the family goat right now, eating everything (especially paper) in sight. She is doing some serious army crawling, determined to get in to stuff she is not allowed to get in to. Leila is happy and giggly but very intense. And I love her so much. She is so special to me, just like Sofia, but in her own way. I can't wait to see the girl she is growing up to be :)
Tuesday, March 1, 2011
TGIM: Thank God It's March!
Yay! Welcome to March! I woke up today at the crack of 7am and the sun was already trying to shine. I love sun- everything is better when the sun is shining. I had an open day today so I... went to the hospital to eat? Yes. My mom used to work at a local hospital in the nutritional services area. Before my mom went into home hospice care last fall, she had about a month stay at this hospital which meant me and my sisters spent a lot of time there. The cafe staff was more than hospitable and always took great care of us. After mom passed they put up a very special memorial in the hospital chapel in her honor. My heart aches right now recounting it. It was beautiful and so special. Every now and then I take the girls to have lunch at the cafe and they still take great care of us. It is a way, I guess, for them to honor a woman they worked with and cared for, by caring for her family in the wake of her passing. They also have GREAT food. Today I had a turkey sandwich on a pretzel bun with jalapeno red pepper mayo and veggies. Sofia had "Dino nuggets" and orange slices and Leila ate an orange slice (surprisingly well) and some homemade apple carrot oatmeal. It was busy but good and I felt close to mom by being there.
After the hospital I went to the grocery. Not something that is a good idea to do with two small children (which is something I never think about until I am super frazzled) but I worked it. I can't tell if more people give me to "poor woman" look or the "stupid woman" look but either way, I am too busy tending to the kids and trying not to forget something that I don't even notice half the time. Today a woman told me that seeing my beautiful children made her day. I thought that was cool and her comment counteracted my frazzle meter which was trying to sky-rocket. In the end I made it to my car in one piece... or three pieces, however you want to look at it.
Tonight: continue a fight against the illness running rampant through my family, fix and eat dinner, grab a watch battery so I can finally know what day it is and cuddle with my honey. Oh, and ignore about a hundred and fifty things that need to be done around the house. Yea, that sounds about right.
After the hospital I went to the grocery. Not something that is a good idea to do with two small children (which is something I never think about until I am super frazzled) but I worked it. I can't tell if more people give me to "poor woman" look or the "stupid woman" look but either way, I am too busy tending to the kids and trying not to forget something that I don't even notice half the time. Today a woman told me that seeing my beautiful children made her day. I thought that was cool and her comment counteracted my frazzle meter which was trying to sky-rocket. In the end I made it to my car in one piece... or three pieces, however you want to look at it.
Tonight: continue a fight against the illness running rampant through my family, fix and eat dinner, grab a watch battery so I can finally know what day it is and cuddle with my honey. Oh, and ignore about a hundred and fifty things that need to be done around the house. Yea, that sounds about right.
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