Meee-ilk! Peas!

Yes, my daughter is going on 18 months and we are still nursing. That's her asking for the milk- "Mee-ilk peas" as she signs for "please." It's so cute, even if I wanted to turn her down, I couldn't. Long term nursing, and breastfeeding in general, is a somewhat controversial topic. I've been nursing for 3 out of the last 3 1/2 years, nursing my first daughter until 19 months and this daughter until... I don't know when. It's not as bad as it seems and not as weird either. Here's a little perspective.

I love the above pic. I have been thinking about a post for a long time called "nursing sutra." I think I just made up my own term! Basically it's when your beautiful little baby grows up but is still nursing and tries to do all kinds of crazy acrobatics while attached to the milk source, i.e. the nipple. In this pic, Leila is literally folded in half, feet on my tummy, drinking milk. She starts out in some sort of cradle hold and ends up like this or something worse about 30 seconds later. Awesome, especially if you are me. Abuse! It all started around 10 months with both my daughters. I have had headstands, one leg up in the air, upside down and even a couple flips off of the nursing chair (as seen in pic). But it's all worth it and for a total of about 5 minutes a day now, I think I can handle it.

Here is another one:

She is totally standing up on my stomach and bent over to drink milk. Can I catch a break?

So here are some great things about long term nursing........

• Continued bonding time even as child grows
• No pressure about weaning for mom or child
• The amount of time nursing gets drastically shorter as the child begins eating more and more table foods
• Great part of the bedtime routine

My favorite of these is relief of pressure about weaning. I feel like that is something that nursing moms fear many times- I know I had a moment where I felt really confused about how it would all shake out. With my first daughter, Sofia, I became pregnant when she was 15 months old. I didn't notice a drastic decline in her interest just because I was pregnant, we were already headed in that direction before that. We nursed less and less. If she asked for it, I said ok. If she did not ask for it, I didn't offer either. It was very peaceful for both of us and I was happy with how it gradually ended. I don't know how things will go with Leila, as she is a bit more of a momma's girl than Sofia ever was. She definitely loves her mee-ilk and still asks for it 2-3 times a day. As she may be my last child, I don't mind. The bonding I have experienced with both my girls through breastfeeding is priceless and I would do it over in a second.

If you are with child or hope to be, please consider breastfeeding your child.

If you are already breastfeeding- awesome! Don't freak out about long-term nursing just do what feels right and don't worry about what others may think. Wean only when ready.

Glad I could share a little piece of my "nursing sutra" with you. Please tell me that I am not the only one with a child who does this?

New Year, New Beginnings

I love that it's a new year.

If you have had the undeniably amazing opportunity to follow any of this blogventure (blog+adventure... I tried) you know that last year was something else for me. It was filled with grief, hurt, unbearable sadness, emptiness, anxiety, depression and all those other great life things. It's no wonder why I was looking forward to a new beginning.

Some argue that there is no difference between December 31st at 11:59pm and January 1st at 12am. For me, there is a clear break. In my mind I get a new chance, a fresh start- and who can't use one of those?

For this year, I am devoted to being better. A better wife and mother. A better friend. A better worker. That also means that I am devoted to intentional time with my kids and taking more dates with my darling husband. I get to be slow to anger and quick (er) to forgive. I am vowing to not procrastinate when someone asks me to hem a pair of pants. I am saying yes to more messages of encouragement to people who encourage me. It's a package. It's not just about me saying I am going to eat healthier, it's about the bigger picture of being able to see my children walk down the aisle one day or bounce my grandchild on my knee.

It's time to live for the bigger picture. I think I am ready.

A blessed New Year to you and yours! 

Soup!

So I hope I am not the only one who struggles to put food on the table sometimes. It's not necessarily that I don't have what I need (although that does happen). It's more about planning ahead and making something that everyone will want.

Right now I am working with my husband, a newly vegetarian, my stepson who is pretty good but if it looks funny- no way, my daughter Sofia (3) who eats so little sometimes I wonder how she keeps on living and Leila (16 months) who eats everything and twice as much as Sofia. I'm pretty easy going too but.... little to no dairy. That leaves me frustrated and wanting to head to the closest drive-thru.

As it turns out, with the  changing seasons and changes in seasonal foods, I have latched on to soup as my go to and I found the perfect book! From the library of course (love it!). The book is called SOUP and it is just a compilation of a bunch of super yummy, super easy, soup recipes. I don't think I have ever cooked so many recipes out of one book in my whole life. Pumpkin soup, chunky turkey soup, lentil soup, even Mulligatawny is honor of the Soup Nazi himself. I think I added too much ginger though. Time for some tweaking. Anyway.

The thing about soup is that most times it is easy and can be quick- but you have to have the right things laying around. I suggest you always pick these things up at the store and have them on hand:

butter

onions

vegetable or chicken stock

parsley

potatoes

carrots

celery

For some reason it seems like most recipes call for some combination of the above and having those things around can be a life saver. Especially after a long day.

I definitely recommend the book- just buy it, you won't be disappointed but until then here is one of my favorites:

Allotment soup

You need:

2 tbsp olive oil

1 medium leek, finely sliced

2 medium carrots, diced

1 large zucchini, diced

1 celery rib, diced

1 large potato, diced

2 tomatoes peeled and diced

2 garlic cloves, finely chopped

2 quarts cold water

sea salt and ground pepper

6 oz frozen green beans

How to:

Heat oil in a large pot. Add leek, carrots, zucchini, celery, potato, tomato and garlic and cook, stirring regularly for 10-15 minutes until soft but not brown. Add water and season with salt and pepper. Bring to a boil, cover and simmer for 45 minutes or until everything is tender. Add frozen green beans and heat until tender. Serve with some yummy crusty bread.

Yum-o! Enjoy!

Mothering the Mother

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God which transcends all understanding will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus."

-Philippians 4: 6-7

In August of this year I took training to become a birth doula. I think I blogged a bit about this after it happened. The "thing" about having a doula at birth is mothering the mother. Not mother in the literal sense because that can turn people off as some people do not have good relationships with their own mothers. It's more about caring for the mother as needed when she is working hard trying to birth a baby. They don't call it "labor" for nothing.

Consequently, my training has been more aid to me in the recent time of trials I have encountered. How interesting it is that it would work out that way. I think it started a bit over the summer with a little anxiety here and there. As we change seasons my anxiety has snowballed into a huge monster of  fear, panic, depression, stress, worry and sometimes physical illness. Often times I feel terribly nauseated. I can type right now knowing that what I am feeling is irrational and ridiculous but none the less my feelings remain. As I fight to stay healthy both mentally and physically I still have to do the daily stuff and take care of my children who depend on me for.... everything.

My children need me but.... it's kind of like when people say "if you are on an airplane and the air masks drop down, put yours on first, then put your child's on." I know that I need to do what I need to do to be healthy for me and everyone. When I feel anxiety, I deep breathe slow and steady as I would have a mother to do in labor. I search for tensed areas (usually my stomach) and consciously relax them. I use heat and cool as necessary. I suck on mints to relieve nausea. I drink hot tea. It is amazing the overlap in comfort measures in what I am experiencing and what I would do for a mother as she labors!

For months it was hard to talk to people about what I have going on because I didn't want people to think I was crazy or to monopolize the conversation with my problems. Now I know that talking about it only helps and grounds me to sanity. It's so hard to explain how I feel in those moments of panic- it's like mental torture. I would hope it's hard for most people to understand.

After experiencing a traumatic move across country at the age of 13 I experienced basically the same type of ailment. Luckily I had my sister on my side. I know she prayed for me in that time and was sensitive to my problem. Ultimately I was healed. I look forward to healing once again.

I look to God for my comfort. I try to explain it to other people and even my husband but many times I get blank stares. God knows all and is in all. His grace is enough and I know I am going to pull out of this and be totally free of it once more.

Rough waters behind?

When I originally started this blog back in February, I talked a lot about my grief from my mother's passing last December. I don't know if I was prepared to enter into that time this year, that she was sick last year. It's been a very rough season in that respect and I had to take a break. Hopefully I am ready to continue on now and let go of some of this so I can feel normal again- whatever that is. I have always hoped that the things I write will help someone or make someone say "yes! I am not alone, at least one other person in the world feels the same way I do."

So, with this, I resurrect my blog from 2 months of inactivity. Distracting my mind from other junk. Sharing my secrets (ha) of motherhood and wifedom (yes, I said wifedom), coming clean about my imperfections and very importantly, chatting about my faith. I really don't know where I would be without it.

How to include your younglings in almost anything

One of the hardest balancing acts in parenthood is the daily choice between doing what needs to be done (housework, cooking, cleaning, etc.) and what you would like to do (play with your kids, read, nap, etc.). Here are some ideas on what I do to strike that balance- I would love to hear your comments about what you do/have done in order to be supermom...

*note: these things are probably going to slow you up a bit but at the end of the day it might be worth it!

Have to do the dishes: allow your children to stand on a chair next to you and "help" by playing in the bubbles or even rinsing the dishes

Have to clean your room: allow the kids to jump on the bed while you clean up around them. Play intermittent peek-a-boo by hiding next to the bed and popping up to get them

Have to clean their room: turn some music on while you are cleaning and encourage the kids to dance and sing. Give the children something easy to pick up. Sometimes I have my daughter clean-up the puzzles by asking her to put them back together again.

Have to clean the bathroom: Put the kids in the bath and let them play while you clean-up. I would not recommend this if you use harsh cleaners as they will be inhaled by everyone in the bathroom.

Have to get ready: Let kids brush their teeth with you or chew on an extra toothbrush if they are still too young to really brush their teeth. Give your kids a hair brush to brush their hair when you do yours and maybe a blush brush for when you do your make-up.

Have to cook dinner: Get that chair or chairs out again and let the kids help measure and place ingredients. You can allow kids who are old enough to use a plastic knife to cut soft foods for dinner. If this makes you nervous, you can have the kids pretend to make food with a pretend kitchen or pretend food. You can also have the kids play with play-doh at the kitchen table while dinner is being prepared.

Have to do laundry: Show your kids how to help you sort and even place clothes in the washer or dryer. My daughter Sofia (3) can even fold towels and wash rags after I showed her a couple of times!

Have to run errands: Allow your kids to pack a special snack to eat at a specific time in between errands. Plan errands around naps and meal times. Maybe you can include an errand to the park when everything else is all done!

These are just a few things I try to do so I can use the most of my time. Of course I make time for reading and playing only- not while trying to do other things. I also try to make time for me while the kids are having naps or watching a little PBS. I love PBS.

I hope your child labor red flag isn't going off after reading my suggestions. I feel like being able to help gives my girls a sense of accomplishment and helps us to grow our mother/daughter bond by doing things together, even if it is housework. Housework has to be done and kids have to be played with, nurtured..... and taught the harsh realities of daily life one day at a time.

Doula myths debunked

If you are not familiar with the term "doula," as in birth doula, it is a woman who provides constant emotional and physical support to the mother during labor and birth and in the immediate postpartum time. Or, that's the bare bones of it.

In keeping with my new found birth junkie side, I wanted to address something that I saw on a message board about doulas. In an open discussion about how to talk to a woman looking into doula care for her birth, someone stated that there are three common objections to or myths about doula services:

1. A doula takes the place of a husband/partner
2. A doula only takes clients who wish to have an unmedicated birth
3. A doula has her own agenda for birth

So true I thought... and if I want people I know to give the idea of having a doula at their birth a chance- I best get my story straight. Here's the story....

1. Myth: A doula takes the place of the husband or partner.

Debunked: No way! A birth doula can serve a mother who has a husband/partner, other support people with her or is single. A laboring woman needs all the attention of support people outside of nurses, doctors and midwives (who have their own responsibilities). Many times it does take four (or more) hands to help the mother as she needs it during contractions for pain relief. The doula is more of a conduit between the laboring woman and partner, teaching the partner how to best serve mom as her needs change throughout labor. The mother also needs someone she can rely on for information as needed. She should not have to rely on only herself as her "normal self" may have been taken over by her "labor self" a while ago. Dad is not best for this role either (as anyone with a husband can imagine). The doula, knowledgeable in hospital procedures and protocols, comfort measures, positioning, and breastfeeding in the postpartum time is perfect for information transfer, helping mom and her partner work together to birth their baby.

The best things about the doula/husband or partner combo:
-Dad experiences less pressure because mom's needs are met and he is not the go-to for everything
-Dad has his needs met too
-If dad needs to leave the room to handle childcare for other children or get something to eat, mom is safe and sound and supported best of all
-Dad and mom can share beautiful moments as the doula holds a safe space for them
-Dad can be in the postpartum pictures instead of taking all of them

2.  Myth: A doula only takes clients who wish to have an unmedicated birth

Debunked: Not true! Having a doula is a wonderful addition to any birth "team." Doulas certainly accompany mothers who have unmedicated births but also women who plan to have an epidural or
a baby via c-section. The support given by the doula changes based on each birth but the idea is the same: to help the mother to have the birth experience she desires (as much as possible).

In an unmedicated birth, the two main components to support are emotional and physical support. More effort is needed for comfort measures during contractions and on into birth (as compared with a medicated birth). 

In a medicated birth where a mother receives an epidural, support is more emotional. The pain of labor may be gone but that doesn't necessarily mean every worry or anxiety is gone too. Women may need support for any unexpected side effects as well.

In a c-section, the doula takes on even another role for the mother. The support varies based on if the c-section is a non-emergency, an emergency or scheduled ahead of time. A doula still provides support before and after surgery and in some cases can even join mom in the operating room. Being with mom in the operating room and being able to process the event as it takes place one-on-one can make all the difference to the mother.

Everyone who is having a baby benefits by having a doula as part of their birth team!

3. Myth: A doula has her own agenda for birth

Debunked: If a doula does, she shouldn't. It is true that most doulas believe in the normalcy of birth and that the human body was designed in specific ways to have a baby safely and with little to no interventions. However, a doula is trained to respect that everyone has different life experiences that contribute to their feelings about childbirth. A doula's role is not to impose her opinions on her clients but to help the mother to discover her own desires for birth and put them into action. Doulas do not try to save the world from medications and surgery during childbirth but rather, they try to help the mother have the best birth experience possible, according to the mother.

I hope this helped to crush some myths about doula care.